By Yetunde Arebi
Life and love are full of experiences. Yours is different from mine. But we can learn from each other’s experiences so we will be better informed and guided in taking decisions affecting us. It is however more difficult to bear when we have to learn from our own mistakes. Despite this, many just never learn, reliving the same experience over and over again only to get the same results. The story you will be reading today happened to one I call a younger brother. Years after, his experience remains a classic case in the family, many like me, can still recall the high moments of the wedding which ended on an abrupt and sour note. Dare I say that Bimbo, still single is a mean dude by all standards today. I hope you learn something too. Cheers!
“Had I listened to all the things my brother and his wife told me about Kiki in the early days of our relationship, perhaps things would have ended differently. But I was young, fresh from Nigeria and I had fallen in love for the first time. Kiki was beautiful, trendy, independent and I was quickly sucked in by her aura. I must confess that she was my first real girlfriend in every sense of it. In fact, I was grateful that she could squeeze me into her schedule, so, I felt honoured and convinced that she was in love with me too. We became almost inseparable and after three months, I was convinced that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so, I proposed to her despite the warnings. I confided in my mother and she accepted to assist me work on my father. Kiki and I returned to Nigeria seven months after we met and were married in a well attended, lavish society wedding in Lagos. It was the happiest day of my life. I thought we would just return to London and live happily ever after. But I was wrong.
Three months after the wedding, Kiki went on a trip with two of her friends to America and did not return with them two weeks later as planned. She informed me that she had spoken to her boss and had been granted another two weeks. So, she was going to visit one of her cousins. But the information I got was that Kiki was staying with her former boyfriend and was having the fun of her life. Initially, I found it difficult to believe, especially as it came from my brother and his wife who had been opposed to our relationship right from the beginning. My brother and his wife also live and I was staying with them until I met Kiki and moved in with her.
They knew Kiki in their Nigeria circle of friends, though not closely and were convinced she was not the kind of girl I could marry. They said Kiki was lose and kept the company of bad girls. But I had concluded that she was just jealous because Kiki was younger, more beautiful and classy. A couple of tiny tattoos and a few parties surely cannot qualify one as bad, I reasoned at the time. After all, it was not as if she did drugs or was involved in some shady business. We almost quarrelled because they tried to start a campaign against Kiki to our mother. But our other siblings intervened and they had to back off. Since the information was coming from them again, I was concerned it was not reliable. However, when Kiki requested for another week after the expiration of her second two weeks, I realised that something was really not right.
Kiki continued to insist there was nothing wrong and that she needed to rest and take care of some medical issues. She refused to tell me what it was. I was worried about her job but she also insisted that she had sorted everything out with her boss. So, how about me? I was just there, living alone in her apartment and had nothing to do except school. Kiki eventually spent three months in America before she returned. Before then, I knew that the marriage was over. All the sordid details of her escapades in America had been sifting home on a regular basis and narrated to me by her friends and of course, my sister-in-law.
Kiki had indeed travelled to America to meet with her former boyfriend. I call him former because that was how she referred to him when we first met. They had parted shortly before we met because he was not only abusive but cheated on her with other women. The guy had relocated to America about two years before we met with another woman, even though they were in a relationship. But they were still officially together, dating on and off. I thought it was a really cruel arrangement and saw myself as her knight who’d come to save her honour. However, her friend, through whom we’d met, told a different story Kiki’s cover blew up. It was then that everything started making sense to me. Kiki had never been in love with me, I was the one in love with her. Everything was my dream, not hers. I was only played for a fool.
Kiki’s friend confessed that though all three of them travelled to America, Kiki only used them as a cover up. She had no plans to stay with them but to see her former boyfriend. She said Kiki had never stopped loving the guy whom she had dated on an off for over 10 years. That whenever they broke up, they date other people then make up and come back together again. When Kiki met me, they had assumed it was going to be like her other affairs. But they were surprised when they started seeing how serious we were taking things and were stunned when Kiki informed them that I had proposed to her and she had also agreed to marry me.
She said they were happy that she had finally moved on until she began telling them that I was a good catch that she could manipulate, and many other cheap talks, that they realised she was not in love with me. The lady said soon after, Kiki informed them that her former boyfriend had started calling and begging her as usual, and was glad that she had succeeded in making him jealous and desperate to return to her. Kiki at that point said she was not sure if she wanted him back any more as she was confused and sorry for me because I was so sweet and innocent and could be trusted to treat her right.
Realising that their friend was treading on dangerous grounds, they confided in some other friends, their mothers and a few older ladies and together, they prevailed on her to forget the guy and marry me as I was a far better choice than her rugged, abusive, cheating boyfriend who had very little regards for her. That was why Kiki went along with the wedding. However, the story did not end there. After the lavish wedding, which has turned out to be a waste of money, time and emotions, we returned to London and Kiki began singing a new song to them. She told them I was not satisfying her sexually.
That I was so gentle and slow that it sometimes irritated her, made her angry, sick or cry anytime we made love. And why didn’t she tell me, I asked? She told her friends she was sorry for me because I was convinced that I was doing a good job by being tender and nice to her. Kiki said she was used to the rough things she did with her former guy but did not know how to tell me without hurting me. At that point, I had to tell the lady that I’d heard enough. I was a fool and everyone knew it except me.
After wallowing in self pity for a few days, I had to confide in my brother and his wife who eventually turned out to be my great pillars of support. They helped me break the news to the family, move out of Kiki’s flat before her arrival to show her I was not a complete fool. To no one’s surprise, Kiki came back pregnant. She told me without remorse that she was not happy and could not continue living that way. I asked if she had no conscience and would have said more but for my brother. That was the end. Kiki went back to America and remained there for the next four years, birthing two kids for the guy, out of wedlock.
He had refused to marry her. Several stories filtered in over the years about them, none deviated from the love and hate pattern we’d come to associate them with. Finally, after four years, I got a mail from Kiki. To my utter shock, she was not only apologising but confessing her love and negotiating a comeback. By this time, I was not angry with her anymore, but I had moved on, though I was not married. I had become a changed person, a hard guy and not the fool she walked out on. She felt no shame in confessing that the guy had finally dumped her to marry another woman.
Over the years, I’d had the opportunity to review my relationship with Kiki. I realised that our short courtship was not the problem, but her background which played a huge factor in the whole mess. Kiki’s mother is a typical ‘mama eko’. In her younger days, she was married and divorced thrice and they were contracted for the money as each man had a bigger wallet than the other. She had children by all three men, two for the first and one each for the others. Kiki happened to be the last and it was to her father’s credit that they got the big mansion her mother dubiously inherited by forcing his hand to the papers. At our wedding, Kiki’s father could have passed for a guest had we not met him prior. This my parents did not like but there was nothing anyone could do about it.
When Kiki’s outrageous scandal first broke, I came to Nigeria and went to see her mother in the company of my mother, my sister and an aunt and we got a shock. Not only was she cold to us as soon as we stepped in, the only thing we were able to take away from there was that she would talk to her daughter. But she ruined it by adding that Kiki is an adult who knows what she wants and she could not force her to remain with me. To this, my mother also told her that we were not pleading to have Kiki back but wanted to formally inform her as the mother because it was our cultural responsibility to do so. We concluded that Kiki obviously imbibed her waywardness from her mother.
Do have a wonderful weekend!!