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How do I handle meeting his new love?

Dear Bunmi,

A close friend of my ex, who’s also my good friend, is getting married and I’m obliged to attend the wedding. The problem is, my ex too will be there with his new partner. I’ll obviously make an attempt to look my best but I’m not really over the shock of the separation.

In spite of the fact that my ex has moved on, I haven’t and I’m dreading seeing him happy with someone else while I’m on my own. I strongly suspect the party will end with me feeling miserable and drinking too much. Any tips on how to avoid this happening?

dating, scene

Matilda, by e-mail.

Dear Matilda,

My advice is for you not to walk into the wedding party alone no matter how many of the guests you know. Arrange for a good male friend to go with you. This will stop you feeling like you’re all alone in the world while he has someone.

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Whilst you should look good, your wits should also be around you. Focus on your future. Walk into the party knowing your hurt would eventually go away when your heart heals completely.

You might still have feelings for your ex but it’s unlikely you’ll end up alone as good friends are bound to rally around you; you might even end up being as happy as your ex at the party. After all, it’s impossible to know if people are happy just by looking at them.

He found someone first and this hurts but it doesn’t mean he never loved you. So try not to see it as a betrayal of the relationship you had, but simply that he has moved on.

Stand clear of too much booze at the party. Getting drunk isn’t going to help you get through this, it will only inflame an already difficult situation. Just have a few drinks to relax and if you eventually run into your ex, simply say “Hello, lovely wedding, isn’t it?” and excuse yourself to get a drink or say hello to a friend, and move on. Once you’ve said hello, keep your distance and your back to them. Good luck.

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