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Sometimes going back to an ex works; sometimes it doesn’t!

By Bunmi Sofola

When Wendy rang to ask me if I’d go on a date with her, my first reaction was that she’d gone completely insane’, recalled Jubril, a university lecturer.  “Our relationship was great when we first got together but it ended badly and since then we’ve only seen each other occasionally.


“I was her first serious boyfriend but called the relationship off because we never agreed on anything. We were constantly rowing,then making up. We mus have worn each other out as she quickly went into another relationship and came out with a child.  I’ve had two kids myself but still single, I wasn’t desperate, I’ve always believed getting back with an ex is a bad idea, and I worried we wouldn’t get on.

“It was good fun going out wih her again and we went to our favourite restaurant. After a few drinks, we talked a lot about the past.  But the spark wasn’t there. I can’t ever see us getting back together. Too much has changed for us to get back what we had before.”

“I did my Higher School Certificate in a mixed school and that was how I met Gabby”, recalled Sade, an IT manager.  “We were very much in love but whilst I got admitted to a university in Lagos, we went up North.  I missed him like crazy the first year but whilst absence could make the heart grow fonder, with us it eventually became out of sight, out of mind.

“I was in the office when he just walked in. It was a shock to see him. I almost didn’t recognise him. He looked much better than I remembered and has spent a lot of time at the gum because he looked well built. Things were a bit awkward for about an hour but once we got over our nerves, we were our old selves!  He took me to lunch and grown -up Jubril was a more intense version of the funny witty man I knew years ago.

“I was amazed by how easy it was to talk to him about everything – wok, family and other people we’d been put with.  We even talked about our break up without hurling insults at each other. It was obvious the old chemistry was still there and two years later, we got married!”

Could you be a born flirt?

Flirting is an ac that gives your morale a lot of boost if you know how to do it right. Some people are natural flirts while some would rather melt into a wall than flaunt whatever it is they’ve got. Fancy yourself a flirt?  Millicent Browers, a sociologist gives these dos and don’ts tips on successful flirting:-

“Do decide that flirting is a positive activity that will help you meet people.  Don’t think negative feelings about it. Do be yourself and emphasise all your good points. Don’t be a phony, projecting an image that’s not the real you – most people will recognise a put-on like that immediately.

Respond to a person who’s interested in you by nodding or smiling. Don’t panic when the other person responds to your flirting.  Instead try to ask: “You see something you like?” Keep the conversation light and lively by bringing up topics like a person’s job, hobbies or sports they find interesting. Don’t get into heavy controversial subjects like politics.

Project a light upbeat attitude and don’t act unhappy by dredging up past romances that failed or your personal problems. Encouraged the other person to open up and talk about whatever they love and don’t just talk about yourself. Look graceful and relaxed.  Don’t appear stiff. If you are tensed, walk around until your tension disappears. Accept any compliments you get on your appearance and don’t apologise or make excuse for the way you look.

Finally, keep an open mind about the type of person you want to meet.  Don’t have a mental image of what kind of person you’re looking for. You might overlook a fine person who simply doesn’t meet all your requirements.


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