By Chioma Gabriel
It was at a wedding reception, a father was called to advise his daughter who was the bride at the wedding. It was a wedding graced by a bevy of beauties from the man’s office, the woman’s office, the church and friends. There were many single girls at the wedding.
The father of the bride walked up the platform, looked his daughter, the chief bridesmaid, the bridesmaids, the beautiful friends of the bride and the posh ladies from the man’s office. Then he smiled and turned to his daughter.
“You are always my baby and will always be although you grew up fast and slipped from my finger. But you are still my daughter and will remain so. Today, I handed you over to another man, your husband to continue to take care of you. I trust he will, having chosen you from the other women in his life to be his wife.
“My daughter, I want to tell you the truth, amongst all the beautiful women gathered here are your husband’s former girlfriends, girlfriends and other friends. You must manage that very well because before he decided to marry you, he has been with many and he has not completely detached from some of them. I know it’s a bitter bill to swallow but it is the truth. But you have to manage it well. A wise woman builds her home but the foolish one destroys it. If I tell you there’s an angel anywhere, I would be lying to you but a man must learn to curtail his excesses.
“Don’t leave your husband because another woman appeared in the picture. Find a way to stop him or curtail him but don’t let it destroy your marriage because you have to succeed in it.”
Then, he turned to his son-in-law: “I’m sure you heard everything I told my daughter. You must respect her, love her, defend her, and protect her. Don’t do anything that will break her heart. She is still my daughter and if you hurt her, you will explain to me. Be a loving husband to her, her friend and her lover. Women don’t like their husbands to pay attention to other women. Don’t get carried away by another. I know you have other females who could be colleagues, friends or business partners but they are not wives. Always remember that. My daughter does not need a side chick to compete with. So, avoid relationships with the opposite sex that will threaten your marriage. If the other is your colleague at work or business partner, let her remain just that. If she is just a friend, let her remain that. Remember what they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”
He stepped down. The newly wedded stared at each other after the bride’s father spoke and had a good laugh.
But it was not something to laugh about. Side chicks and the other woman are everywhere around married couples seeking relevance in the man’s life. Some would graduate to become co-wives or even the main ‘dish’. Some wives who don’t play the game well will lose to the other woman. I‘d seen a man who drove away his wife and married his side chick because the wife attacked the other woman in her shop.
Sometimes, I wonder if any woman sets out to be the other woman or chooses to be thought of as slut, home wrecker, or “other” but then, there is a moment that a woman can recognize as defining.
I don’t really know why a single lady would chose to fall in love with a married man.
Becky had three children with a man as a side chick. Everybody in the church thought they were married but all these things eventually come out somewhere along the line.
According to Becky to the marriage committee in the church when she was found out, “We were co-workers in a sense but only spent a limited amount of time together. We didn’t share office space but we did see one another from time to time, in the hallways, quick conversations in the cafeteria that turned into longer talks over the course of a year of getting to know each other. Our relationship steadily progressed.
“My friends supported and warned me in equal measure. My family wanted me to be happy and worried that I would come to resent being a second choice. But my heart knew that it had found a mate. So, we became a couple with a secret. The people you never thought you’d become, the couple that sneaks around, makes phone calls early in the morning or very late at night. Dating was hard enough for normal couples but we were co-workers in a company. He was married but I was willing to live with that. We are Catholics and our families frowned at our relationship but no man was good enough for me since I met him. We have three kids. His wife has none and that cemented our relationship.
“We’re now 14 years and have survived so many challenges. I think it’s safe to say these days that we have weathered enough storms together. I have never been to his home. I know his wife and have encountered her on many occasions but she doesn’t know who I am. But I guess everything will become open right? She will get to know.”
Indeed, being the other woman is a tough situation, isn’t it? When a woman is in a situation where she is the other woman, it can be really difficult to see the truth. Most guys want their cake and eat it too, if a guy has a girlfriend and a wife, he’ll want to keep both of them.
Being the other woman is not a normal situation. There might be something in you that you need to get help with that has put you in this situation.
When a woman is in this type of relationship, you can’t tell anyone, as it can all leak back to his family right? Well ladies, I say that if you are keeping your relationship a secret, you deserve better. You may love him, it might be difficult the first couple months, but once you realize that you are better than a secret relationship and deserve more, you’ll dwell more on ending it.
Being the other woman is never a great option. You should be pushing it, you should be determining if you are going to stay put and let him walk all over you or if you are going to move on and find someone worth it. Will you want to remain a second option, an afterthought, a consolation prize?
How is your future going to look with this guy? You’ve got to consider that whenever you are in this type of situation. When you are the other woman, you aren’t ever going to be the number one girl; you aren’t ever going to be the perfect person to him, so why not find yourself someone single? Why not find yourself someone that is worth your time? Will you rather continue to live at the risk of his wife finding out and then disgracing you as wives of nowadays do?
Just think about it.