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Should I wait till he leaves his wife?

Dear Bunmi,

I have always admired the matured way you tackle problems on your page. Now in your experience, if a man says he loves you, but that he’ll never leave his kids, no matter how unhappy his wife makes him, does he ever change his mind? I just turned 20 and I love my man so passionately I am prepared to wait.

Lilian, by e-mail.


Dear Lilian,

Forget my experience. In the experience of a million mistresses, if a man says he’s staying put – he does. And even if he promises to leave one day, he’ll generally stay put too. What would change his mind? What would change yours? Imagine him having cosy evenings with his family!

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If you’re not matured enough to care about his wife and kids, consider what it would be like to have these hurt and angry children staying with you from time to time. You’re only 20. There will be other men. Don’t waste time on this one – he’s taken and all he wants is having fun with you.


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