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Matured bachelors can hardly cope with rejection

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By Bunmi Sofola

WE’VE all been treated to the bad behaviour of men on casual dates—the married ones just out for on-the-spot sex, the ‘successful businessmen’ who turn out to be jobless contractors and the ‘spontaneous risk takers’ who are in truth secondary school teachers and crashing bores!

Lately though, it’s been discovered a lot of women looking for love could be a lot more adventurous than their male counterparts. Kazeem, 55, is a divorced private chef and was introduced to Remi by a friend when Kazeem let on he was now ready to mingle.

“I was at my friend’s house and he showed me a photograph of Remi taken at a party he attended,” said Kazeem. “When I eventually met her at a joint I often went to with my friend she wasn’t like the fun-loving woman I saw in the photograph.

In the flesh she was a bit plain and dumpy—not stylish and pretty and I was so disappointed I blurted out she was not tall and slim. It didn’t take me long to find my way home. I’d been trying to get a decent date for ages, and had been told one lie too many by these desperate women.

“She wasn’t to be my last dodgy date either. At the private club I worked with, I ran into one of our suppliers—very pretty and flashy—she invited me over to her place. She was cooking dinner in the kitchen at her tastefully furnished house when she continued bending to reach the oven—giving me a view of what was to come.

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I was entranced. Needless to say, the dinner was left uneaten. But after seducing me, she let me know she wasn’t 52 as she alleged, she was close to 60! All women lie about their age to get men’s interest,’ she explained. Well, that was another one that bit the dust. If a woman was prepared to lie so early on in our relationship, what future would it have?

“I’ve also discovered that women today, especially the financially successful ones are obsessed with sex. My next dodgy relationship was with Nikky, a finance broker I met at a seminar. On our first date, she turned up at my house in a brand new SUV and designer clothes.

Some few minutes after she settled in, she suggested the pair of us performed an unprintable sex act. I’m no prude, but I was shocked to say the least. When I told her to leave, she looked taken aback, as if I should have been turned on. Men are often lambasted for sexual malpractice with women they just met, but women, it seems to me, are by far the more permissive gender!”

Jones, a 45 year-old writer started dating a few years ago after he lost his wife to cancer. “I naively thought getting back on the dating scene would be easy,” he said. “I had no idea what a thick skin I’d need. One woman I met in my club who was also a club member, though relatively new, claimed haughtily that she’d been out with a man called Sam… and was meeting another called Steve the following day. I was sandwiched between the two! I told her it didn’t make me feel very special but she just shrugged.

“I slept with two other women in those early months—both after our first dates. Neither of them answered my calls afterwards. The sense of rejection following such physical intimacy was awful, prompting me to instigate a no-sex on the first date. Yet one 40 something PA was livid with anger at the end of an otherwise enchanting evening because 1 wouldn’t sleep with her. “I’ve spent the day cleaning my house and getting ready,’ she yelled.

“Sadly, a date I had some few years ago with a 35-year-old caterer that blossomed into a promising relationship ended because she was jealous of my dead wife. She wanted me to get rid of her picture from my wallet and mantelpiece. I refused, determined to keep my wife’s memory alive. I still wear my wedding ring, and I’ll never forget my wife, but I’m happy again and, of that, she would be proud!”

“Most women I want to meet—single mothers of my age —have older children,” said Bolaji, a 43-year old owner of a supermarket, raising his eight-eight-old son. “They’ve passed the stage of early parenthood and looking for fun.

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They want a doctor, a lawyer or a politician with fancy cars and fat wallets—not a frazzled father who prioritises school runs and spelling tests. I’m currently expanding my supermarket and all my energy goes into work and my son. I can’t go out every night. In that respect, meeting dates through contacts works for me. Not that all of these women are worth getting to know.

A seemingly sensible sales woman I met later sent me a picture of herself wearing a gold chain and posing stark naked in bed. After staring at my screen wild-eyed in horror, I spotted a tattoo of a tiger on her shoulder. It provided my get out clause. ‘I’m terribly sorry, I have a phobia of tattoos,’ I e-mailed. I never heard from her again. She didn’t look like a woman after a lasting relationship. I owe it to my son to form a relationship slowly. I don’t want him to grow attached to a new girlfriend only for her to leave.”

“With hindsight, it wasn’t the wisest confession when I admitted to one of my dates—a retired divorcee in her 60s—that I’d cheated on my wife. She glared at me and spent the rest of the evening ranting about her ex-husband,” confessed Dominic, 68, a retired architect. “Apparently her ex was a serial adulterer. As I sipped my drink in silence at the restaurant I took her, I wondered when I could decently make my exit.

“Ironically, this type of ‘arranged date ruined my marriage. My wife and I had been married for 26 years when a friend introduced Shade to me. Two years before this, my wife and I hadn’t made love once.

Our marriage was effectively dead and I was deeply unhappy, so I was delighted to meet Shade. She was voluptuous and pretty and we had a hot romance that lasted a year. Then we were to go abroad together when I accidentally left our travelling details on our home computer screen. My wife came downstairs, brandishing print-outs of the plans I’d made for my illicit ‘business’ trip. Even though I never made the trip, that about nailed the coffin of our marriage.

“My biggest problem has been the baggage women in my age bracket carry. Life experience has made many bitter, though perhaps given how I behaved in my marriage, it is no surprise. Otherwise, these women seem to be looking for a replica of their last relationship. The widows are the worst. I spend so much time listening to how wonderful their recently dead husbands are, I end up feeling inadequate.

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“I’m realistic. I’m not expecting a goddess. All I’d like is a companion a couple of times a week—I’ll never live with a woman or marry again because I value my independence too much now all my three kids are grown and out of my hands. Unfortunately, all too many dates want a ring on their finger and I do not want that kind of commitment.

Four dates have ended up in bed, three after just one date. The women have made the first move—I’m a gentleman and would never initiate early sex, although I suspect they were doing so to win my affection. The build-up is rarely racy. One woman cooked me a nice dinner last month before kissing me on the sofa. The next morning, she cooked us breakfast and I left with a spring in my step. But she, like all the others, wanted more commitment than I am willing to give and so it didn’t go any further.

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