Dear Bunmi,

Since my husband became close to his sister-in-law, I’ve felt very insecure. Her husband (my husband’s brother), sadly passed away about a year ago and since then, my husband has bent over backwards to help her – he literally jumps into action when she calls. At first I thought it was incredibly kind of him and I knew he felt he owed it to his brother to make sure she was Ok, but now I’m starting to resent it. She’s at our place a lot (she has no kids) and he’s always at hers and always sorting things out for her. He spends more time with her that he spends in his own home.

 

I feel like saying something but I realise how I could come across as a heartless woman who resents him helping my widowed sister-in-law.

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Mobola,

By e-mail.

Dear Mobola,

Don’t say anything for now, at least not from a critical or angry standpoint because you might regret it. What your husband is doing is not unusual – it’s what families do. He’s still grieving too, and perhaps helping his sister-in-law is helping him to deal with it too. You could also offer to take some of the responsibility off him and do a few things to help your sister-in-law. That way, you might understand better what she’s going through and it may also mean you have more time with your husband. It’s a much more positive way to approach it – you’re saying you’d like him to be around more for you, but understand your sister-in-law needs support, so you’re prepared to help too.

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