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Best way to ruin your party? Invite ex-lovers!

By Bunmi Sofola

Giving parties come naturally to some people whereas there are those, who, no matter how lavishly they spend and how cautious they are about selecting their guests, always end up having parties that flop.

So, what makes a good party?  Is it the hours you spend preparing for your guests, the subtle-mix of guests, or the food and drink that you serve?  Obviously, it is a combination of all the three. You had better disbelieve the theory that it is easy to give a good party when you have money to throw around.

These days, a lot of big firms splash on parties and cocktails to launch new products or welcome a new chief executive.

What you invariably find at such parties are guests who are bored stiff standing around and awkwardly making polite conversation to other people’s husbands or wives!  At the last of such gathering I attended, there was, on one hand, the usual drab collection of middle-aged men with sagging stomachs ogling the pretty up-and-coming female advertising executive and wishing they could find ways of getting rid of their scowling wives!

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Then there was a set of young men in senior management positions, wearing designer suits and obviously thinking they were God’s gift to women.  They swaggered around, talking down on people without realising how ridiculously pompous they looked. Not to mention their conceit in believing they were bound to pull even when they didn’t feel like it.

On occasions such as these, good food and wine cannot make the gathering enjoyable because guests are not sufficiently relaxed.  Even when money is lavished on a private party, there is no guarantee that it will be a success, such host and hostess are simply insensitive when they draw up their guest lists. For instance, inviting ex-lovers who are still bitter about their breakups, is begging for trouble.

Last year, at the fiftieth birthday party a colleague gave for her husband, she mischievously invited another friend knowing that her ex-lover would definitely be at the party. The friend turned up with the lover that he snatched from her ex in the bitterest of rows.

As soon as she came in, she felt embarrassed. Her ex was holding a drinking glass and the way he squeezed it you would know he was imagining it was her throat.

A look at demonic fury contorted his features. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. The celebrant couldn’t believe his wife could have the nerve of inviting this woman and her new lover. Talk about being insensitive!  Within 30 minutes, the ex had found a way of arguing heatedly with his arch enemy. They were on the point of throwing punches when the woman insisted that they should all leave.  Luckily, the buzz of gossip that followed this little episode added spice to the party.

It easily could have killed it. And there was this party, where a woman ran into a doctor who had examined her nakedness several times when she had some gynaecological problems. She just laughed and chatted away with him without embarrassment whatsoever.

Contrast that with a judge who was having a wonderful time at another party until one of the accused he had once sentenced for fraud turned up. The accused turned on the judge and told him what he thought of him.

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The judge’s wife was so frightened that she insisted they should leave, especially when the man accused the judge of taking his money then reneging on his promise to set him free!  Yet we can’t completely rule the possibility that we can’t always mix our guests properly.

Potentially, avoiding confrontations between two opposites can turn into sporting encounters if the hosts can’t smooth over embarrassing situations. So, when next you have a party, don’t deck the table with food and sit down to congratulate yourself. What about the music you are going to play? Are your guests strictly the pop music type or a mixture of both pop and indigenous music?  Have you got enough drinks and most important of all, do three quarters of your friends know each other?  Dull gathering can be livened up by rearranging guests and encouraging them to let out the tension on the dance floor.

At cross purposes (Humour)

A young man was keen to buy his girlfriend a very special present but, unsure of what to get, he took her sister along to help him chose.  A little later, they decided to buy her some gloves – something not too personal but at the same time something that she would wear often and think of him. As he gave the gloves to the assistant to be wrapped, the sister had also been buying for herself and handed in a pair of knickers.

However, unknown to the two buyers, the assistant muddled up the package before sending it off. He simply wrote the following note to go with it.

“My darling, I hope you like the enclosed gift. I bought them because I notice you never wear any when we go out together and your sister thought the short ones were better than the longer ones because they’re easier to remove. I hope you like the colour.

I know they’re a little light but the lady in the shop showed me the ones she’s been wearing for the past month and there was hardly a mark on them.

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She also tried them on for me so that I could see what they’d look like. It’s such a shame I won’t be there to help you put them on for the first time. Others will see them before I do. Just one little tip. When you take them off, blow in them as they will be slightly damp from wearing.  Looking forward to seeing you wear them on Saturday night. Much love  – Ken xxxx

Beauty Before Age?  (Humour)

A little girl was up the ladder washing windows. As an old man passed, he noticed she wasn’t wearing any knickers and gasped in horror. “Hey little girl, he called. “here’s N2,000 go buy yourself some underwear”. The little girl ran back inside and told her mother what had happened.

“Really!”, exclaimed mum, thinking fast. “I’ll finish the windows”, she said, and the next moment she went up the ladder, having removed her knickers first. Lo and behold the old man passed the woman on the way back from the shops and of course, noticed her lack of underwear.  “Hey, old woman,” he called. “here’s N100, go and buy yourself a razor”.

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