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Son had an orgy when we travelled

Dear Bunmi,

A few weeks back, my husband and I had to attend a social event in our town and we decided to sleep over and return the next day. Our last child, who was 19, was left alone in the house with the help.

Unfortunately, I became unwell and we had to return fairly late the same day we travelled. As we arrived home and drove to the house, I saw people spilling out of our front door, into the garden and on to the street. I was aghast.

We rushed inside to find beer cans, bottles and cigarette ends everywhere. One of my favourite pictures had been spattered with some slimy stuff and there were couples in some of the bedrooms and vomit in the bathroom.

It took us days to get the house back in order and I used the money set aside for a new laptop for him to pay for some of the damages. We also stopped him from using any of the cars and cut off some of the luxury he took for granted. What more do you think I should do to make him understand that he could no longer be trusted?

Aisha,  by e-mail.

 

Dear Aisha,

It is understandable you should be angry with your son’s thoughtless behaviour even though you knew in your heart of hearts he meant no harm. You’ve handled the situation well, but you need to let him know that as angry as you are with him, he needs to earn your trust again.

Now that you’ve knocked most of the props from under his feet, try giving him a little more freedom.

If he deals with it well, he can be allowed to invite one or two friends over, or have the use of the car once in a while.

The only way to start trusting these over-exuberant teenagers again is to give them responsibility and see how they cope. Crack the whip too hard and they become rebellious and see you as an enemy they must attack.

 

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