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My wife needs to accept this second wife

Dear Bunmi,

I AM seemingly happily married with three kids though I have two other children through an affair I had during the course of my marriage. I am in my forties and early this year, we got a maid who wanted to live with us so she could send herself to a hairdressmg school. She is not a raw illiterate and has her SS3 certificate.

I’ve lusted after her since she came to the house and it was inevitable that we became lovers. What started as a fling with me has become an obsession. I’m hooked on our lovemaking.

She has a fantastic body and makes me feel young again. Unfortunately, my wife found out about us and sent her away.

I have since found her a one-bedroom flat and she’s now going for a hairdressing course. I’ve always told my wife that as a Muslim, I might marry a second wife. I intend to make this girl just that but my wife is now hollering that I intend to marry a maid she brought to the house. She’s just trying to trivialise the relationship. I can’t give her up. I only want to know how to go about making peace with my wife.

Taofik,

by e-mail.

Dear Taofik,

You obviously understand your wife’s objection to your taking a former maid as a wife. Since you’ve always made it clear that you might take a second wife and she didn’t object, she didn’t bargain for you falling for a maid she brought into the home. She would have wished your prospective second wife be a total stranger.

After saying that, it is obvious that you love this girl and have invested heavily in her. You need to give your wife time to get to terms with your choice of a second wife. It might take her a long time to do that, but you’ll have to keep on showing her the affection and respect she deserves until she comes round, if ever.

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