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Caught in my friend’s extramarital shenanigans

Dear Bunmi,

Joke and I have been friends right from our secondary school days. Despite the fact that she has always been on the flighty side, we get on well and have always been there for each other through thick and thin. She got married right after we finished secondary school about 16 years ago when she got pregnant for one of her boyfriends.

But marriage has not dampened her enthusiasm for men. She has had so many affairs that a lot of our friends are suspicious of the paternity of her three children. In spite of the fact that I am now married to a man I adore and have a son, she still believes I must always be there to cover up for her when she goes on one of her popular and frequent dates. My husband almost got on to what was going on when her husband phoned the house last month to find out where she kept some documents he needed. My husband told him Joke wasn’t with us but I quickly took the phone from him to lie to Joke’s husband that she popped out and that she would call her husband as soon as she came in. I then called the lover’s mobile phone, when my husband was changing, to ask her to rush down to my place. I had to lie to my husband that we were trying to get Joke’s husband a surprise present for his birthday. Tedious, don’t you think?


I love my friend but I would rather have nothing to do with the way she chooses to live her life. I‘ve warned her about the danger of too many sexual partners, but it is obvious she loves living on the edge.


by e-rnail.

Dear Mabel,

Friendship should not be stretched to the limit where you have to fear for your own marriage. She might be a good friend but her behaviour is not exactly endearing her to your family, since she has bluntly refused to listen to sound advice from you. I suggest you tell her you would rather not get involved with her affairs and tell her strongly how your husband feels about extra-marital affairs. For good measure, tell her that your husband has threatened to tell her husband if he got a whiff of another escapade of hers.

If this does not put paid to her getting you involved in her philandering, then you should think seriously of drastically reducing your contact with her.

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