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The nightmare of living with a con man

Dear Bunmi,

My so-called ‘fiance’ of two years is always lying. He lies about where he is, what he’s doing and who he’s with. He ignores texts and calls from me and turns off his phone.

Some weeks, I don’t even see him. Whenever we spend weekends together, he seldom comes home until the next day. He’d tell me he had too much to drink and fell asleep at a friend’s place, or that he was watching sporting programmes with friends. We seldom go out anywhere. All we do is argue.

A few weeks ago, he lied that his sister needed an urgent operation and borrowed money from me. I’ve since found out there was nothing wrong with his sister. I want to get my money back before I reveal his latest scam.

He says he loves me but since he’s lied about everything else, how could I believe him?

I used to be in love with him but now, I don’t know if I should take this relationship any further.

I’ve tried to talk to him, to ask him if we should call off the relationship but he said nothing. How do I sort my life out?

Dora, bye-mail.

Dear Dora,

I’m sure it is your dread of loneliness and belief that you must be somehow insufficiently attractive that’s persuading you to tolerate your man’s selfish and deceitful behaviour.

The longer you accept his abuse of your relationship, the more humiliated you’ll feel and the lower your self-esteem will fall.

You need to hurry this fraud of a man out of your life instead of finding reasons to stay.

It’s obvious you’re both using the other as a means of getting by. This is an unhealthy and damaging relationship that doesn’t allow either of you to have any pride. You need to end this relationship now.

Discover your ability to find friendship and love with people you like and respect.

You’d be lonely at first before things get better, but no matter how very needy; sad and alone you may sometimes feel, never again accept a sham.

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