Vanguard News Nigeria

Taking the bull by the horns

By Francis Ewherido

Recently, news broke of a married pastor who defiled his maid. For me, this pastor is just plain dumb; he should not even bring the “work of the devil” excuse into this matter. Apparently, he has been eyeing the poor girl; it did not start today. He had sufficient time to sort out himself, but lust and foolishness apparently got the better of him.

sex

When he found out he was increasingly getting sexually attracted to the young lady, all he needed to do was to tell his wife to send the girl away (and if he is conscientious, with a generous exit package). He could have given the wife a watertight reason. For example, he could have told his wife to send the maid away because she has negative aura and will bring problem to their family. Pronto, the wife would have sent her away without blinking or raising an eyelid. After all, he is a “man of God.” And he would have been perfectly in order, after all, Jesus, said if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and if your limb causes you to sin, cut if off. The pastor’s “eye” and Limb” in this case is the maid.

Other men have also been found sleeping with their maids and other domestic staff as well. Unfortunately, their wives would not take them serious if they were to give the reason above. I can imagine some wives asking: “Since when have you started seeing vision?” Is Saul also among the prophets?” “You don drink again, abi?” And so on and so forth. But what if these husbands had taken the bull by the horns and told their wives that they should send the maids away because they were finding them sexually attractive. So many answers came to my mind: “useless man, I am not enough for you, abi?” “Na ordinary maid you want f**k now, abi?” “Drunkard, your mates are making money and spoiling their wives silly, all that is in your useless head is how to sleep with our maid.” “Go ahead, abi I tie take rope tie your pr**ck?” “See what joblessness can cause; how are my even sure you have not started?” “Agbaya, your children must hear this.” “Why won’t you find her attractive, when you don marry me old finish!”

The responses that streamed into my head were unending and mainly negative. Then it occurred to me that I am making the same mistake Aristotle, the great philosopher, made. He assumed that women had fewer teeth than men when all he needed to do was tell his wife or daughter to open her mouth while he counted. Why assume when I can get the women folks to respond. I distributed questionnaires to a group of women via a proxy. Happy reading:

“I will send her away ASAP.” “I will send her away.” “No problem, I will do that immediately as long as he does not do it with other girls.” “In this case I will not hesitate to send the girl packing. However, it will lead me to carry out some investigation to be extra careful and objective in the present and future.” “I will support my husband to send her away but it will be with love to her before it will result to something else.” “I will obey him and send her away but before then, I will also check myself to know where the problem is coming from. Am I not attractive anymore? What am I not doing well? Did I leave my duties to the maid to perform? So many things need to be done.”

“This calls for thanksgiving. For him to open up about it means he cares if not I’ll have a co-wife. Therefore, the maid has to go to avoid ‘had I known.’ No shouting, no malice, no fighting.” “I will send her away immediately because delay is dangerous.” “I will actually send her away without delay because that can bring confusion into my family.” “To save my marriage, I’ll have to send her back to her family.”

Ninety percent of the respondents said they would send the maid away. You can see my assumptions were off target. But these two responses below got me thinking: “I will simply counsel him on the need to accommodate her devoid of sexual attachment. I will advise him to see her as a daughter, sister, niece, relative and a God-given child to nurture and then inculcate in the girl the sense of decent dressing.” “I will feel uncomfortable with the information and will not send the maid away rather; I will counsel both my husband and the maid.”My advice: if you see a raging fire coming towards you, you do not call on the God of Elijah, Elisha and Moses to stop the fire. The first thing to do is to thank God for giving you eyes to see and legs to run and you run for your dear life.

Sleeping with your maid remains an irresponsible behavior. It is disrespectful to your wife. Sometimes it is consensual, but most times, the men take advantage of the weak and vulnerable maids. Sometimes, wives do not help themselves. It is amazing the type of skimpy and revealing dresses they allow maids and especially their relatives to wear at home. Your husband has roving eyes, you then allow your relatives and maids to provide him cinema. You keep a lion and a goat in the same cage, what do you expect the outcome to be? The wife might be seeing a smelly, dirty village girl, but the husband is seeing a rough diamond. Shebi, if the girl baff finish, she no go dey smell, look dirty now.

DISCLAIMER: Recently, there has been a spate of wives killing their husbands with knives. One even butchered the husband. So if your wife has butcher knives, and all house wives do, or butchering skills, coupled with a thunderous temper, keep your amorous feelings about your house maid to yourself. Then exercise the highest degree of self control. You can also simply tell her, as the man of the house, that you do not want to see the maid again. But do not take any bull by the horns and tell her your wife feelings o! Bravery becomes foolishness if you do not know its boundary with foolhardiness.

 

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