Dear Bunmi,

I AM in my early twenties, tall and attractive, but extremely shy. I attended a few parties with friends but I seem not to attract the right men. My friends simply go for what they fancy and I envy them. Is there a technique to it?


by e-mail.

Dar Dupe,

Our eyes are supposed to be among our most powerful signalling mechanisms.

If you’re going to connect successfully with someone, romantically or socially, you normally make eye contact. In some situations though, it is important to have a look around and survey the scene before making a move.

According to The Little Book of Flirting by Heskell, when you want to scan a room, try looking only at the top of people’s heads. You’ll get a peripheral view of everyone and they won’t know you’re looking at anyone in particular.

If you want to look at an individual, imagine a circle round their face and run your eyes round the edge of it. You won’t be making direct eye contact and they won’t know what you’re doing. You can also focus your eyes and look behind someone, which enables you to get an impression on them.

Once you’ve spotted someone you’d like to get friendly with, use eye contact with a smile to say “hi, I’m here.” Good luck to you.



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