Dear Bunmi,

I recently made contact with an ex-boyfriend on Facebook. He was my first love. We were together for four years from the age of 17 to 21, until we had to go our separate ways to further our studies. I’m now 36 and happily married with four lovely children.

My ex also has a wife and a family. I often think about him but not in a romantic way, but as a potential good friend who I miss having in my life.

Do you think it’s okay for me to tell him this or, given our past, should I keep my thoughts to myself?


by e-mail.


Dear Gladys,

Don’t even go there! Even if your feelings are entirely innocent, you never know where they might lead. There’s no point revisiting the past. How would you feel if you found out your husband had been in touch with an ex? I expect you wouldn’t be thrilled and might read more into it than a conversation between two old friends.

On the other hand, are you prepared to talk to your husband honestly about it so there are no secrets or misunderstandings? If you don’t feel you can do that, then forget it.


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