Dear Bunmi,

My husband and I have been divorced for four years. We split up before and got back together.

But since the divorce, he’s been using me for sex, even when he’s been in other relationships. He’s been seeing a woman for two years and they’re now engaged.

But despite the fact that I’ve told her about his affair with me and stopped him having access to our children, she’s still with him.

She thinks I’m lying and my ex believes that because I’m living with a man, I won’t make too much trouble. Although I don’t love my ex, I want to punish him for using me. Should I prove to his fiancee that I’m not lying? I know this may cost me my boyfriend but I don’t care about him anyway.


by e-mail.

Dear Busi,

You need to accept that your relationship with your ex is finally over. This time, despite the fact that you’ve consented to sex with him, he’s definitely not coming back to you. Because you feel disappointed and vulnerable, you’re foaming with anger. You believe that by puffing yourself up and acting in ways that are unpleasant and scary, you’ll intimidate others and change their behaviour. Instead, by attempting to undermine your ex’s relationship with his fiancee and his children, you’re earning everyone’s contempt, not least of all your own.

You need to stop this temper tantrums. By behaving in ways that allow you to preserve your integrity, you’ll heal your wounds and protect your pride. Forget about your ex, and, as your wounds heal, renew his relationship with his children, they’re the innocent ones here. In the meantime, if you don’t care for your current boyfriend, then let him go so he can move on with his life, and you with yours.


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