…Opens up on her recent domestic violence experience
BY JULIET EBIRIM
When the picture of the battered face of Nollywood high-flying actress, Bose Alao Omotoyosi, married to footballer, Razak Omotoyosi, went viral, there were too many questions begging for answers. Now, the mother of four lovely girls has come out to clear the air on the ugly incidence, with some eye-opening advice for women who may be having feisty marriage experience. Hear her out.
How has it been with you so far?
I thank God. Sincerely speaking, this is not the position I want to be, I still have a focus, but looking back, I’m grateful. My career is intact.
What are you working on at the moment?
I’m working on a lot of things. I have two outstanding projects. I just released one for airing on my birthday. It was launched on African Magic Showcase ‘The Chauffeur’, featuring Rita Dominic, Bobby Obodo, Ibinabo, Yakubu Muhammed and myself. I’m still taking my time and we’ve been working on scripts since February. By the end of April we should be filming, though I’m starting with one. I’m working on Bose Alao Omotoyosi (myself) this time on the script.
I don’t have any regrets so far concerning my career; I just have a kind of disappointment. I lost footage for a job worth ten to twelve million naira. I just feel so disappointed not like I regret it, but I wish God would just come down and help me get the job back.
You revealed in an interview that you still get sexual advances from men. How do you handle it?
I handle it maturely. Even a mother of 75 still gets advances from men. Some go as far as demanding for your pictures. When they begin to cross their boundaries, I block them.
Almost ten years in marriage and still counting, what has kept your marriage so far?
My marriage will be ten years this May. Marriage has taught me so much. Initially I said I wasn’t going to address anything about marriage because the moment you dish something out, you begin to have problems. But so far, it’s been God, knowing what you want and also having a good family. I’m the crazy type. People who know me know I don’t take shit, but it doesn’t work with marriage.
So what has marriage taught you?
It doesn’t help you saying “I’m a no-nonsense woman”. It increases the height of domestic violence, trust me. I’m not going to support it here, but I’m going to speak against it in a way that you’ll understand that most of the time, we really need to sit back and ask ourselves “What do we really want?” I have been in the kind of situation in my marriage where I said to myself “I just need to leave. I’m not doing this anymore”, but inside me, I’m not leaving. Whatever you won’t take, do not dish it to your spouse and vice versa. Marriage has also taught me recently to be very calm in addressing issues and to be very prayerful.
Late last year, a post went viral about how you were allegedly battered by your husband. Can you shed light on it and how it was resolved?
It just comes up in marriages, and the ability to be able to control your anger during crises in marriage goes a long way. I’m not going to support a wife-beater or a woman that runs her mouth. Most of the time, these two things don’t help. You really need to learn how to take things calmly. Though you won’t tell me you saw the viral picture on my page or that I said anything on it. How it was resolved? It was God and also based on the fact that my husband and I knew what we wanted. I told a particular person that said “It’s so-so person that caused the issue…”, “No, what my marriage needs now is counseling and less talk”. And that was actually what we did and that is how we got it resolved. The viral thing, the battered face…? I don’t even know how to address it. I just want to tell Nigerians we are fine and we are sorry for disturbing you.
Would you give up your acting career for anything?
Once an actor, always an actor. Trust me, nobody who has been in front of a camera or who has acted on stage out of passion will want to quit for anything. I’m not ready to stop.
How supportive has your husband been towards your career?
Sincerely speaking, he has been very supportive. It’s just that sometimes he finds it hard to let me explore (which I think most men do). Because sometimes he feels when you’re too carried away with your job, you forget the home-front. He is a busy person too; he isn’t the sit-at-home type. He feels we can’t both be going out at the same time and I am the woman that has to limit my career pending the time his football career would last. But honestly, he has been supportive.
In what way has marriage and motherhood affected your career?
It slowed me down, but marriage and motherhood has blessed my career more. I get to open doors that a single lady finds difficult to open. Marriage has helped and it’s still going to do more. It has affected my career positively because I get some endorsement deals that they wouldn’t give someone without a good profile. I’ve been able to mingle with people of high caliber. The respect marriage and motherhood brings to my career is beyond my imagination.
What’s your relationship with Bidemi Kosoko like now and how did the issue with her affect your marriage?
There was no issue anywhere. A message was sent to me and I revealed the message. That’s why I said marriage has taught me to be patient. Sometimes, the way you put things out is not the same way people will accept it.
I don’t have a problem with Bidemi. Do you know that even after that, a lot of people have sent my husband messages about his wife and said a lot of rubbish to him? If he had posted it or said something about it, we’ll still be in the situation I was in March last year. Bidemi won’t say I called and said things to her.
No. I was just flabbergasted at the kind of message a woman can send to another woman for any reason. I wasn’t patient enough to address it in my home. I just dished it out and then it went the other way round. I don’t have a problem with Bidemi or anybody. My marriage is fine.
Any last words?
Domestic violence is terrible. Most times, we need a break to see and know if we really want to stay in such marriage or change the situation. Yes, women are that powerful to end domestic violence. I am sure it is the most terrible time he (my husband) has passed through. I also took a lot of steps and stopped so many annoying things.
To God be the glory, we still have misunderstandings even far worse than the one that led to that ugly incident, but no hitting. God forbid! It’s something I don’t even want for my enemy. So far, I have found peace in Christ.