By Yetunde Arebi
Take it or leave it. Women are the darkest of God’s creatures. Save for grace, the mind of a woman is deep, almost bottomless. It is dark and filled with a pot pouri of emotions. Name it; joy, sadness, love, hate, jealousy, envy, anger happiness, unforgiveness, etc. In one minute she can be cold as ice and in the next, as hot as lava. Her ability to manipulate and control her emotions and actions to suit her purpose often make her tower above the male specie, having imbibed in her strides, the ability to stoop to conquer all odds.
Call her the weaker sex at your own peril. and they come one tougher that the other, each with her own peculiarity. How good or how bad she is depends largely on how she is able to control the elements around her. The average woman’s mission is simply to conquer her territory, whatever the circumstance. A woman by nature is a solo agent on a mission to conquer. So, when she finds a female co – traveller, a friend whom she finds comfort in, it is easy to let herself go.
However, the complex nature of women seem to be their undoing, thus their often inability to make strong, lasting friendship with each other. Whereas men disagree, argue and fight but make up or part amicably, many women lack the emotional ability to hold it together when things go sour in their friendships. Rather than take things in their stride, count their losses and move on, each want to be right, each want to play the victim, each want to be better than the other, each want to conquer.
So, they through caution to the winds, point accusing fingers at each other, spill their guts of old secrets shared, conspiracies executed and favours gestured, all in a bid to outshine each other. Believe me, you do not want to see what goes down when two female best friends turn enemies. Such was my plight a few weeks ago when I walked into one unexpectedly. I had gone to visit an older cousin who had come from America on holiday. I had not seen her in many years so, I was looking forward to our catch up gist. No sooner had we began did two women walk in, one a few minutes after the other. Without a thought about my presence, they went into their discussion almost immediately. From the conversation, it was obvious they had come to settle a dispute and that one of them had been there prior.
Pretending not to be interested, I reluctantly asked to be excused to wait in the dining area and was happy when they all chorused that I could stay and listen in and perhaps help judge in the dispute as a woman. What I took away from the conversations left a very terrible bile taste in my mouth. And to think these women had no idea who I was but were ready to spill this much was more confounding. Today, you will get to read what the first woman, apparently the more aggrieved and the first to talk had to say. I will call her India, for the purpose of this publication. Do have a wonderful weekend!!
“Tessa, (39), a Civil Servant, is accusing her best friend of envy and betrayal: I don’t have much to say about the whole matter. All I want you to do for me is warn her to stop chasing after me. I know she is planning some evil or misfortune for me, but my God will not allow her to succeed. (the other woman claps her hands in disbelieve) She is not my friend. I have noticed this through her behaviour before, but now, I have confirmed it and I know she is after my life.
If not because of the gift of dreams that God gave me, I might not have been able to detect her plans for me. And my dreams always come to pass, so I believe in them. I have seen her three times in separate dreams. Once, I saw her discussing with people that I don’t talk to anymore. She knows I don’t, and I have told her to steer clear of them if she wants to remain my friend. So, why was she with my enemies in my dream? The second time, she was chasing me with a stick and shouting my name. I don’t know what she said I did to her in the dream, but I saw myself running away from her. The third time, we were fighting each other. And when I fight with someone in my dream, it is a bad omen. That is why I have come to report her to you.
In fact, when I heard that you have arrived Nigeria on holiday, I was very happy because I don’t want you to hear about our quarrel in America. It is because you are very fond of her that I have come to report this matter to you. If it were to be someone else that is doing what she is doing to me, I know what I would do to the person. (My eyes pop!! What in hell’s name is this about?)
Please don’t be annoyed, you must take things easy. What is the actual problem, what is her offence? I asked.
Thank you aunty, you too can help us judge this matter, after all, you are a woman.
We have been good friends now for almost five years, at least, since they moved to this neighbourhood. We do things together and everyone knows we are good friends. Your sister can attest to this too. I loved her like a sister and I believe she loved me too. But her behaviour of recent have opened my eyes. She is not a true friend after all. She has not been as loyal with me as I have been with her.
There is nothing I have not done to show her how much I love her, but she still goes around stabbing me in the back everywhere I turn. Please, ask her if I have not allowed my boyfriend to have sex with me in her presence before. (Mow, I adjust myself properly in my seat. This is surely more interesting than I had thought) We took her out with us and had sex in the same room with her. What more can I do for my friend? My secrets are with her, I have hidden nothing from her. Maybe this is why she is behaving like this with me.
It is my house which is still under construction that has caused all these problems oh. She is jealous of my success. You can’t believe that as close as we claim to be, she does not know the site of the house I am building in my home town. Last year, when we went to lay the foundation for the construction, we had a small service and light entertainment for the guests. I didn’t even know that people do this sort of thing. It was suggested to me by some friends at my office. They said it is like committing the project into God’s hands and also a fund raising of sort as guest would chip in to assist. So, I had to invite those I know would give me substantial money. When I informed her, she agreed that it was a good idea.
But you can’t believe that she did not help me with the preparations at all. On that day, my best friend did not show up until late in the evening when the event was almost over and many of the guests had left. She stayed up for a while and later demanded for a bed to sleep. Her excuse was that she had a rough time with her car on the way to my home town as she didn’t have a driver. The next day, she didn’t even bother to ask me to take her to the location until she left. Up till today, ask my friend if she knows the place.
Is it my fault that she doesn’t have money to build a house of her own? Or is it my fault that she doesn’t have enough boyfriends to attend to her needs? I have four boyfriends right now and she knows all of them. One of them is an Oba, though of a small town in Epe, Lagos state. She complained that she did not like my relationship with him. Ok, now that I think of it, maybe this was actually where the problems started. She calls him Oba jege jege, but I know that even if he is not a first class Oba or very rich, he has the name and personality to command respect. Even in his so-called wretchedness according to her, oh, I know the things I have gained through his assistance. As regards the house I am building, he has assisted me with several tippers of sand and gravels. That is not to mention the people I have been opportune to meet through him.
It is things like these that I have been telling her that she should be looking for in relationships. But she will never listen. She loves going out with men who are not worth the bother. Many of them don’t even give her anything tangible, instead, she spends her own money on them. Whenever I ask that we buy something together, she will always have one excuse or another. The standard one is that she has no money.
How can she have money when all her money goes into irrelevant ventures? How much can she make from a boutique, or how much can her husband give her? I have tried to fix her up with better men, but they never like her. Is that my fault? She doesn’t have the luck for men like I have. Ask her if it is a lie. Once, Kabiyesi threw a party. I invited her with three other friends who wanted boyfriends. Everyone of them caught a man friend each, but my friend did not find any suitable man. Am I to blame for that?
She doesn’t know that I have spies in her shop who give me full details of what she does there. She has a new boyfriend who has entered her system, so she can’t reason properly anymore. I was told by my spies that they were discussing my affairs at the boutique over a bottle of Stout. Can you imagine? Maybe she was drunk then, because I still find it difficult to believe. All I want is that, you should warn her for me.
If she wants to go her own way, let her do so without going around to spoil my name. I know that I am not so lucky when it comes to having a loving and caring husband. But I am grateful to God for giving me the luck to have the love of my boyfriends. They swarm around me like bees and I am only trying to do her a favour. ( She is now haughty and boastful, a smack look on her face) If she doesn’t want it anymore, she can go. This is my own side of the story”.