By Favour Nnabugwu & Luminous Jannamike

…Says: “my husband means no harm”

Dame Judith Obiajulu Amaechi having successfully made a remarkable progress  in her early education, was inspired by this effort to aspire for higher education. She obtained a degree of bachelor of technology in Urban and Regional Planning from the nation’s Premier Science and Technology Institute, The Rivers State University of Science and Technology (RSUST).

Judith Obiajulu Amaechi

After her graduation, she was mobilized and participated in the one year mandatory national youth service corp and served at the Shell petroleum development company SPDC. It was during her national assignment in SPDC that she discovered her entrepreneurial skills.

In 1993, Dame Judith Amaechi nee Nwankwo, married her first love, Mr. Rotimi Chibuike Amaechi, a young English graduate from Ubima in Ikwerre Local Government Area of Rivers State and former governor of the state.

Dame Amaechi engaged in many humanitarian activities before setting up a non-governmental organisation “wayet” to provide interventionist measures towards assisting both the needy and less privileged in the society.

On the 16th of October, 2008, She launched a Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO), the Empowerment Support Initiative (ESI) to reclaim the spirit of excellence, enterprise and good neighbourliness. In this interview, she said explains the kind of person her husband, Mr Rotimi Amaechi is and some of the frustrating moments in her marriage. Excerpts:

What does it feel like to be the wife of the Transport Minister?

I feel good. It’s a very great feeling. I am married to a very nice person who gives his all. He doesn’t really have time. He is permanently busy. He’s been busy all his life; giving to this country. I donated him to Nigeria a long time ago. When he was governor, he had this knack for transportation. Little did I know I was going to be the wife of Minister for Transportation. I find it very interesting. I am just praying for him and making sure he does well.

In Rivers state, he started the mono-rail. I only pray that God will make the system to continue. In the transportation sector, he took it quite seriously as Rivers state Governor. So, I am not surprised he is doing well in the area of transportation. On my part, I try to be a wife and run my NGO, and at the same time, be mother to my children.

At least now, I have time to watch TV. However, I am still stressed because I have to be on my toes; pray for him; entertain guests; and still be able to meet demands even in Rivers state. Above all, he is under the leadership of a wonderful President, General Muhammadu Buhari, and his beautiful wife, Aisha. They have reposed a lot of confidence in my husband, and I believe, he will do his best in that Ministry.

How would you describe your husband?

To be honest, I just see him as someone who isn’t what people expect. It is difficult to be the kind of person he is. He is just blunt, he tells you the truth; he is very straightforward and tells you exactly like it is. He doesn’t know how to be diplomatic.

Are there times when he has been so blunt that it has hurt somebody’s feelings?

I honestly don’t know, because I believe that if you have stayed with someone long enough, you should be able to appreciate what the person represents, and if he is a blunt person, you should know that he does not mean any harm. It’s impossible to say that he does not offend anybody. There is no human being that does not offend someone. I mean, husband and wife offend each other, children offend each other, and friends offend each other. One thing I know for sure is that he doesn’t take anything to heart.

I can give you a clear example of myself when we first got married. He used to get me very upset in the house and I would brood over it, but by the time he came back home, he would have totally forgotten about it. Based on this, it did not take me long to adjust, as I realised that people could walk in, see me brooding while he was his ever cheerful self and label me a bad person. He is a strong patron of tough love, but after his message has been passed, he is quick to mend fences.

Your husband said he married you very young and he’s not very happy that he doesn’t spend enough time with you because he’s been in politics all along. How does he make up for lost time?

He got it really right; I was quite young when we got married, and he is also right about not having enough time for family. At a point, I just said to him: “I donate you to the state.” One thing about relationships is that you have to always feel the pulse; if his job makes him happy, why not? After all, he makes a lot of concessions for me as well, allowing me to do what makes me happy.

He is someone whose presence is always felt and his essence lasts for a long time. If he spends 10 minutes with you, you will feel it. He spends quality time with his family. He makes conscious efforts to be a good father and husband and he tries to make up for all time lost. With his busy schedule, he finds time to travel to see his children a lot and he bonds with them. Generally, he is a committed individual, whatever he does, he does with his whole heart, and his word is his bond. Knowing this about him, the kids and I give him a break.

I can see you have a blissful marriage and wonderful sons. Do you wish you’d had a daughter?

People have asked that question often. I don’t think so. You know why? I have a lot of children. Right now, I have 5,000 kids going through the national education organisation that I run, and I have another 3,000 who have graduated. I also have a lot of young girls who have chosen me to be their mother. I am really spoiled with my family; I enjoy the perks of being the only girl among them. My sons and my husband all give me attention. If I had a girl, I would be sharing them with her. That might sound selfish, but I think I’m enjoying it. I have never really missed anything because honestly speaking, my boys are wonderful. Boys always love their mother. My husband can be jealous sometimes, I hope he does not hear this.

Do the children you take care of give you some sense of fulfillment and satisfaction?

That is right. I lost my mom when I was a child, and I was cared for, so I am very passionate when I see children who don’t have parents; it triggers off something inside me. I had an aunt who looked after me; she is my mom, a wonderful woman. I also married a husband who is generous in terms of love and caring for people. I believe that if everyone, no matter where they find themselves, plays a little role and understands that if not for God you wouldn’t have what you have, 80 percent of the world’s problems would be solved by now.

It gives me a great sense of fulfillment to see how the children have improved. My first group of kids now speak very good English; they can stand confidently before a crowd and address the crowd eloquently. Some of them even speak like Americans. And I look at them like, is this that child from the village with jaundiced eyes, scabies on the head, and now she is beginning to speak “ajebutter” English? The transformation gives me so much satisfaction

Can you describe one of the most frustrating moments in your life as the wife of a public servant like the Minister of Transportation?

There have been so many moments like that. Sitting down here and saying that every day is rosy is a lie; there have been moments when you have your downs, when people don’t understand you, when people say things that are not true. We live in a world where you have the good, the bad and the ugly, so you need to tolerate everybody.

Sometimes people don’t know the kinds of challenges you face, which my husband had faced for the past three to four years. It is so bad when you see people just wanting to undo you, but I also want to thank God that even in the process, there are still some people who will stand firm for you because the truth will always prevail. Those moments are the moments that make me ask if it’s really worth it to sacrifice your life for people, but I have a consolation that if Jesus died for what he did not know about, why not? Not getting the opportunity to really do as much as I wanted to do is what makes me pained.

Why do you think people have tried to bring your husband down?

I believe that if you are someone who has the passion to do good, you will face a lot of challenges. Basically, those are my down moments, or when my children and husband don’t feel too good, or anyone, for that matter. There are so many down moments but how you manage them and how you are able to overcome them is left for God.

At the end of the day, I can assure you that God has been faithful, he has actually done more than I imagined, and my heart reaches out to all the men who have prayed, who have stood firm, all the women who have spoken out, who have had sleepless nights, all those who made the authority of Rivers State government the way it is, I say a big thank you to them for standing by my husband, especially in the darkest days; God will reward them.

What keeps you pre-occupied these days?

I have a passion that I drive through my foundation.. The name of the foundation is Empowerment Support Initiative, ESI, It was founded on 16thOctober, 2008 by the then First Lady, Hajia Turai Yar’Adua. The Foundation drives a passion in me that dated back even before I became the Speaker’s wife. I have always wanted to help, maybe by virtue of the position I found myself in. People have always come to our house seeking one need or the other. For some reasons, I find myself helping out. Beyond that, I lost my mum very early in life. So, I have a soft spot for people who are motherless or fatherless. Luckily for me, I had a great opportunity to meet a wonderful woman with her husband who brought me up. I could have turned out differently if I had not had that opportunity. So, it is my passion for helping the less privileged that metamorphosed into the Foundation. It wasn’t something I started simply because I was the governor’s wife. Then, marrying my husband was a dream come true. He is a selfless man who is ready to give his all. So, we struck that chord in our relationship.

Tell us about your first outing as the founder of ESI?

It was as a Speaker’s wife when we had the launching of our women and youth trust. It didn’t go quite well but I was able to reach out to our constituents. I think it was one of the biggest visions in Rivers state at that time.

So, what’s your philosophy of life?

I don’t believe in feeding people as a means of empowerment but teaching them how to harness their talents as a more constructive means of helping them. I believe that will take them off the streets; off your hook; off your list of burdens. For me, my husband has always been leader of other leaders. So, I try to galvanise the visions and efforts of the wives of other leaders in order to help the needy.

Did you ever dream of being a governor’s wife?

I never dreamt of being a first lady. For some reason, God promoted my husband and I found myself in a privileged position again. It was tough. That’s why I had to make a covenant that birthed ESI, and it is now bigger and broad-based.

Why has ESI focused on children of nursery school age?

I had observed that what we do in Nigeria is mostly amendments. Why do we wait for a child to reach age 18 before we start thinking of how to make that child useful? Why not key into that child’s life when he or she is still in the formative years to give some sort of direction or shaping? So, as we started the whole process of ESI, people didn’t understand why I started with the nursery school but the nursery school age is when we can instill moral values, educational values and other other positive principles in people with relative ease.

In your opinion, do you think government should take charge of nursery education?

I don’t agree. The nursery school age is a very delicate period in a child’s life. I believe it is the age when you leave the child with the mother to look after. But at the same time people that are passionate and not the government should be the ones to handle children of that age