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Great sex: does size really matter? – Yetunde Arebi


One of the contemporary social and   marital issues of our time is sex. In   the last decade and half, awareness about sex, sexuality and sexual issues have increased dramatically across all borders of the society, including age, sex, economic and social levels.

Women, especially in traditional settings such as in Nigeria and many African and developing nations, who hitherto often treat the topic as somewhat taboo, a ritual to be performed under the covers of the night, and another wifely duty to please the men, now have a change of attitude.


Many women have discovered the great pleasures and therapeutic powers of good sex. And I mean, good, pleasurable and satisfying sex. Along with this awareness however, many other issues have come up.

I saw a video clip of one of Nigeria’s ace comedians, Okey Bakasi recently where he was asking the female audience to decide on the duration of time good sex should last. He said this was necessary in order to allow the men prepare adequately or decide on what to do so that men will stop dying in active service.

Yes, is it five minutes, 20, 30, one hour or just how long would sex last for a woman to say she has had a good time. I find this as controversial as the issue of the size of the sex organs. While the female sex organ is believed to be elastic in nature, thus capable of contracting and enlarging to suit the size of the male organ, the male organ does not enjoy such freedom and this has continued to pose great emotional and psychological problems for couples, especially the men.

As a relationship counsellor, these two issues, size of penis and premature ejaculation top the list of problems of male respondents, especially. It’s either my organ is too small or too big, or how do I increase the size of my penis or how can I last longer during sex?

Perhaps, the new sexual consciousness and revolution is also taking its toll on the situation. Sex is no longer a topic to be discussed in secret. Almost on a daily basis as you flip through the pages of newspapers and magazines, issues concerning sex and relationships stare you in the face.

Sex shops are now found scattered all over the big cities and most of them are smiling all the way to the banks selling various forms of potions aimed at size reduction or enhancement of the sex organs. But while this business booms, sexologists believe the problem, particularly in men is more psychological than physical. But some others insist it is both and is even capable of causing serious major problems in relationships if not properly tackled.

The new year provides us an opportunity for new beginnings in almost every area of our lives. And if your sex life needs revamping, it is never too late. Let’s relax and hear it from our male respondents who are in the centre of this.

To achieve great sex, does size really matter?

John (34), IT Engineer insists it’s a real problem:

I have a small penis and I know the problem I face. It’s not just a psychological issue, it’s just the way it is. Small penis is not good. I feel like God played a huge joke on me because I have great passion for sex, yet, I don’t really have the proper tool for the job. I find it so ironic when they say porn is degrading to women, when it’s we men with small penises who really suffer. There are plenty of guys (myself included) who love small breasts, but I have never heard of a woman who want small penis.

Another part of the problem of having a very small penis is being naked around other men. Not that this issue is big a deal, but what would I not give to be able to proudly walk around with my friends who have big penises. When I was younger, it was a big deal and it took a whole lot from me to get over my embarrassment.

As I got more confident, I would just say it ahead before anyone got to see it. I found that this helped in a way as it prepared their minds and sometimes, the feedback I got assured me that I was better than some other guys out there. Oh! one more thing, when peeing, it’s a nightmare too, if you can try to imagine what I mean.

Etho (45), Driver, says those who complain lack the spirit of God:

When the spirit of God is not in you, that is when you will start complaining about the size of your husband’s manhood, either being too small or too big. This is why some women go out of their matrimonial homes searching for men with various sizes who can please them better that their God given partners.

That is why it is good that a man and woman should clear their minds of all distractions and identify what they want before going into a marriage. Before you get married, you must pray to God to give you a wife or husband who will satisfy you sexually without complaint. When I wanted to get married, I sought the face of God to give me a woman that will be satisfied with the way I am. A woman that will not start running after other men for any reason.

And I got the type of a woman I really wanted and today we are still together. There is no question of us having to quarrel over my manhood being too short or small, so long as it performs its function. And I believe I have always satisfied her. There is an adage that says it is whatever size of penis a man has that he uses on his wife, he will never go and borrow another man’s own. So, she has to be satisfied with him. I also believe that if there is love, it will not even come up.

Folarin (56), Lawyer, says his wife has never complained:

I have a considerably average penis. It’s about 5″ and not too thick. I have been married for 19 years and I think we have a great sex life. Though there are some positions which other more endowed men take for granted that I just can’t do, now that it seems my wife and I are growing older, some other changes are taking place that are making things rather awkward too. She is now heavier and my own protruding belly too is not helping matters.

This has affected the frequency of our sex life. But she never complains and even says I completely satisfy her. As a man, I still have my doubts and think she might not be entirely true to me. My greatest fear is to have my marriage crash and to have to start dating all over again. I would probably never be able to date again for fear of exposing my penis to another woman. My wife and I have been together since we were kids so she doesn’t have much experience outside of me and I have only been with her.

I work with a lot of ladies who talk openly about how they have broken up with guys solely based on their penis size. Especially, younger women. It cuts me like a knife to hear those stories. Two weeks ago, one lady was telling us how she met this guy who was everything.

Great face, body, and personality. She said the foreplay was fantastic, but her dream was shattered when he whipped out his small penis. She said she had to discontinue the romance that night. I guess when I was a young bachelor, I never heard women openly discuss stuff like that.

But now, the type of things these women discuss about sex, and the male organ just rings warning signs in my head. It makes one uncomfortable, so much I sometimes wish I have something bigger than what I have.

Mofe (36), Accountant says it’s how a man uses his thing that matters:

For the record, I am about 4.5″ and have literally been told by every woman I have been with that I am the best they’ve had. My current girlfriend also has had a lot of experience with men, and she tells me how awesome I am in bed every time we hit the sack.

She says people commend how good she has been looking lately and she attributes it to the sex. Women who say size matters, haven’t been right. I make her come over and over again, until she is begging me to stop. No lie. My secret is that I just love to make them come. That’s where I get my own satisfaction.

Meeting Gbenga, (47), a Technician was like the icing on the cake. He’d been pointed out to me by a colleague as having the most juicy experience to share, if only I could work on him. His wife had not only cheated on him but even threatened to leave when he discovered. I was not surprised to see he suffers from low self esteem.

“I was unlucky enough to discover that my wife of 13 years was having an affair with a man who had a very huge penis, while all I can only offer her is what I consider to be an average size at full erection. I can’t say how long the affair had been going on, but I began to suspect her when there were very obvious signs that she had become a different person. It almost shattered me totally because I truly loved and worshiped her, and I thought that we had a perfect relationship, and that sex was great.

But it all turned out a lie and that she had only been pretending that she was having a great time during sex with me. It was all a show to make me happy. She confessed that though she had fallen for the attraction and attention he showered on her, what actually kept her going back to him was because he was able to give her orgasms with his bigger size. She became so besotted with him that she was ready to walk out of our marriage.

It was such a shameful experience for me, that I found myself striking a bargain with her; if she could promise to be discreet about it, I will not be mad at her, I promised. You can imagine the humiliation I went through. I thank God that it is all over and she has calmed down. They have both parted ways and I think she is satisfied with the experience. Sometimes, she would want to open the discussion, but I would tell her I don’t feel confident enough to discuss it.

The typical manly thing was for me to have sent her packing on discovering her infidelity, but there was no way I could do that without ridiculing myself with the manner she went about it. Even up till now, I am feeling ashamed as I am discussing it with you. It is only because you are a stranger that I am able to. I don’t discuss this with people who know us. Some of my colleagues know because it was one of them that caught her. Whoever tells you size does not matter is telling a big lie. It does.

Hmm! I have a few letters I would love to share with you on this issue. Let’s make it a date here again next Saturday. Do have a wonderful weekend!!



Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.