By Simeon Ndaji

Relationship and spousal problems are similar all  over the world because men and women who, naturally, have individual differences or personal idiosyncrasies, whether single or married, are involved.

*Husbands and gold digger spouses

An overview of a  turbulent relationship, whether in a marital scenario or otherwise in Nigeria, shows that spouses are either individually or collectively responsible for the problems which have the tendency to break down the relationship and ultimately lead to  divorce and broken homes (if they have raised families) if  solutions are not proffered on time.

God created human beings  individually unique(‘… carefully and wonderfully made by Him,’ according to the scriptures), but  some individuals are  nice because of these attributes: love, care, honesty, truthfulness, transparent, friendly, accommodating, hospitable, considerate, unassuming, patient, content, giving, kind, et al.  Overall, love is key and the greatest….

A  spouse, most likely, will not possess all these attributes, but, essentially, if he or she possesses love, that will take care of other human frailties and peace may reign in the relationship; and  problems will be minimal to manage.

However, God, who created man and woman, instituted a marital relationship right from creation and forewarned man by referring to the woman as a weaker vessel… to be handled with wisdom and care. Men, who heed His advice, are blessed and it has been well with their souls; they ride the crest of success in life, and some live long because they are happy;  but those who ignore the divine advice have turbulent  relationships, success is elusive and peace is a far cry; some have even left this world in a hurry.

There are various spousal crises: in some cases the man is good and either, by providence or otherwise, he has a  wife who reciprocates….they complement each other; or conversely, a  caring and lovely spouse(either the man or the woman) gets a wicked partner who turns a ‘gold-digger,’ in all its ramifications, and a thorn in the flesh…. Where the spouse is a woman, she could orchestrate for  divorce so that she is entitled to the husband’s  wealth by legal action. This is rampant in the Western world, especially in the United States and parts of Europe; and Nigeria is taking a cue from the anomaly. But the focus is primarily on Nigeria and UK because of historical significance of both.

In  Nigeria, there is a joke that casts aspersions on spousal relationships where  a husband has N5,000 and his wife has  N50,000; invariably what the family has is N5,000 because the woman will keep her N50,000 and still ask her husband  to meet all the  family financial obligations and borrow if he cannot meet up. This  spouse  extorts money from her husband and remits to her  family, buys properties without the knowledge of the husband, and gives money to her lover at the expense of her children and family (if she is the type that is given to extramarital affairs). Eventually,  you will grapple with double standards, shady deals and insecurity in your own house.  Meanwhile, what informs this sordid behaviour  from some women  is due to irresponsibility and dishonesty of some married men, who tell  stories  in order to deceive; the women also devise some convoluted means to  make them part with their hidden money and get them  sulk.  During discussion, a female  relationship writer and columnist  interjected:”When a man complains to his spouse that he has no money, his drinking… Isiewu and Nkwobi and  expensive wines   out there are not affected. That’s why their wives don’t trust them and  would rather device means to extort money from them.” Again, responsible men are always preoccupied with school fees, house and business premises  rents, building; incidentals like hospital bills, which their spouses do not pay attention to; all they know is to get money from the man and spend. There are also women who don’t want to support their husbands to take care of the family  while there are also men who don’t really care for their wives.

A wife recently said she wanted to start charging her husband for driving their children to school. One major reason spouses can boldly deal with their husbands is because  they feel they have  divine backing arising from the biblical injunction: 1Thimothy 5:8,‘Any man who fails to provide for his family is worse than an infidel or unbeliever.’ So, some women feel God can overlook their unruly conduct in their matrimonial homes.

However, husbands are wary of ‘gold-digger’ spouses, and, before they die, they will  ensure that due consideration is given to their  children in the sharing of their property to the detriment of wicked wives.

Citing the blistering interview published by The Mail on Sunday, August 25, 2013,  notable business mogul Duncan Bannatyne,64,and one of Britain’s most recognizable faces  on TV’s Dragon’s Den, labeled his ex-wife Joanne McCue,47, a ‘gold-digger’ and her family a bunch of parasites on Twitter.

However, Joanne maintained a dignified silence for  a while before she opened up to rebuff her ex-husband’s sordid outbursts on her and family. Joanne McCue, a professional nurse, and Bannatyne were married for 18 years and they had two children together.