April 18, 2017

She’s no longer the woman I married

She’s no longer the woman I married

Dear Bunmi,

My wife no longer turns me on as I don’t find her attractive. We’ve been married for 28 years and are now in our 50s. I’m not a strapping young man but I’ve kept fit and exercise daily while my wife has let herself go. My social club of which she’s a member, has a state-of-the-art gym, but she refuses to join, even though she’s always taking diet pills.

We used to have an excellent love life, but her appearance now puts me off and I can only get aroused by picturing younger girls I’d slept with.

I still love my wife and everything else in our life is good. The three children of the marriage are well turned out, so what can I do to make her take more interest in her looks?

Dan, by e-mail


It’s obvious that in spite of the young women you’ve slept with, you appreciate the fact that you and your wife have built so much together that it’s worth trying to find a workable solution. It’s clear that you value physical fitness highly, while it isn’t as important to your wife.

It could be that she finds exercise boring or simply doesn’t enjoy it. May be there are other activities she would enjoy more – like going for a walk, for instance.

Talk to her calmly but lovingly about how you wish she would look after herself better both for her health and your relationship.

Reassure her that you love her but share your frustration. Then suggest some fun exercise you can do together like taking her for a walk, or dancing.

At her age, you can’t really make her exercise seriously and ultimately, she will decide whether she wants to compromise to improve your marriage.