Dear Bunmi,

I’ve been married to my husband for over 20 years and we have four lovely children. He’s always had series of affairs that I’ve lost count. I’ve stopped talking to him about them and when friends did, he told them smugly that he must be doing something right or I would have left.


He says his affairs are really for the sex and he would never leave me for another woman. Big deal!

I’m quite an attractive woman myself and still wear a size 14 dress. I have a good job and dress well and recently I started looking at other men the way my  husband might look at other women and wondered what it would be like to have sex with them. You know what?

My husband was right, you can have good sex without getting emotionally involved as I’ve since found out. I don’t know if he suspects anything, but lately he’s been showing signs of being jealous, why should he have all the fun?

Halimat, by e-mail.

Dear Halimat,

Are you really happy sleeping with another man who is probably also married? You tolerated your husband’s affairs because he assured you the women with whom he had his casual, uncaring sex meant nothing to him. Rather, he used them for sexual variety and to maintain his self-image as a stud who could pull the girls despite having a wife and four kids. Because you must have felt sure of your husband’s love, his affairs didn’t seem to be a threat to your marriage.

To a woman, who had always been faithful to her husband, you’re playing with fire by suddenly sleeping with another man in your middle age – you’re putting your pride, your self confidence and your commitment to the future of your marriage at stake. Your husband might suspect your infidelity, but what happens if any of your children finds out? Continue being the supportive wife and mother you’ve always been. Talk to your husband to slow down. Don’t worry; age would soon do that for him!


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