By Bunmi Sofola
MEN! You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them! But does the lack of male attention in your life mean boredom? It is times like this I wish I were at least 15 years younger! I was in the midst of some young sparks recently and what they had to say about men gave a new meaning to calling men’s bluff.
They’re all over 30, highly successful and some earn salaries that would make a lot of men green with envy. One of them, Grace, a single mother of two recently told her partner, and the father of her kids what he could do with his tackle!
“The man is insufferable,” she spat. “He kept on putting off our getting married—making it look as if he was doing me a favour. It was good riddance, I say. And to tell you what, I feel relieved! I have more time for me without a whining man getting on my nerves. So for now, no more men! There are a lot of things that need my attention now, so men can wait!”
“Really,” I said, slightly amused. “You mean you can really do without a man’s love?” “Oh, aunty B, we’re not in the dark ages you know”, she groaned. “Okay, I admit there are times a man would come in handy, like when you have a flat tyre early in the morning.”
“I was thinking of something a little more basic like cuddling up to a warm-blooded dude once in a while,” I teased. “Oh that,” she rolled her eyes, “One misses that alright. And it’s not just sex. It’s silly things like feeling scared when I drive home alone at night—and dressing up in my fine gears to be wined and dined.
But all that is not enough for me to jump back into the dating game. I’d rather not. I’m still too hurt. And it’s always advisable to get a bad relationship out of your system before rushing into another one”. “Thank goodness there are alternatives to explore,” chipped in ravishing Angelica.
Where do these young things get the lustre of their skin from—apart from spending a fortune on being well-groomed that is? But I was more interested in the alternatives she had up her sleeve. “The fact that you’ve lost your man doesn’t mean sitting in with the TV night after night. The ideal solution is living it up by having wild nights out with your girlfriends”, she lectured.
The group was already drawing admiring glances from men as they nattered. “But, we can do better, auntie B,” Angelica said, looking unappreciatively at the men falling over themselves to get them drinks. “These men are just not it!” Lizy an events manager said conspiratorially that they all had at least one vibrator! It was then Grace shrieked with laughter.
“There’s nothing like the real thing”, she cooed, “and who says you have to be in love to get a good bunk? Let’s face it, there are a lot of men out there wanting no strings-attached sex and they’re not after your money either. I’ll tell you what happened to me recently.
A very close friend started an affair with a money-bag and was ready to leave her husband as soon as Mr. Money-bag had found a suitable flat for her. I was close to her husband too, but my friend made it clear my sympathies should lie with her. When she finally left, I thought I owed it to Segun, the husband to help him pull himself together.
So I started calling in on him to see if I could stock up on anything he’d run out of. But what he needed most of all was a shoulder to, cry on. He was the innocent guy here and it wasn’t fair he should suffer so much pain.
“Sometimes, I’d help him tidy up or make him something to eat. Like most men on their own for the first time in years, he just wasn’t looking after himself properly. Then one day, 1 called in and found him bawling like a baby—like he was having a breakdown. I instinctively put my arms around him to console him.
It was terrible seeing a strong man sob like that. But suddenly, Segun kissed me. I didn’t even recoil—he was so forceful and desperate that my body responded instantly. Still kissing me, he pushed me backwards onto the sofa. His hands were all over me. He must have craved closeness and comfort, not to talk of the touch of a woman, that in seconds, we were having rough sex.
He kept on whispering into my ears: ‘Tell me you need me, that you like what I’m doing to you.’ I did as he asked. When it was over, he quietly thanked me, said I’d made him feel alive and like a man again. We both knew the same thing would happen again. But I didn’t feel guilty sleeping with my steady afterwards.
I believe what I’d done was a good service—helping a needy friend. Having said that, I could never do what Segun’s wife did. I love my partner and I’m not that selfish. I would never leave him for another man. To me, sex with Segun was therapeutic for him.
“So when I took a bowl of fresh fish stew to Segun a few days later, and we ended up rolling around on his bed, or the day after that when we didn’t even make it to the bedroom, it wasn’t about my feelings—it was comforting a friend. The icing on the cake was that the sex was fulfilling.
“As far as I knew, I wasn’t having an affair. From the start, I encouraged Segun to date other women and urged my partner to introduce him to some female friends, which he gladly did. “Months later, he met Mercy. She’s a lovely lady and madly in love with Segun I’m genuinely happy for them both.
Naturally, the day Segun told me about Mercy was the last day I shared his bed. He didn’t need me that way any more. But if anything, our friendship has deepened. I don’t regret a single thing. I felt I was simply helping a friend. We never made empty promises, were honest with each other— which is always the best policy.”