As you readers must have realised, there are days when even the most hardened socialite doesn’t feel like mingling – no matter how exciting their diary is. I wasn’t really in the party mood a few days ago when I attended a ‘what the heck am I doing here’ party where guests looked so bored the atmosphere felt as if it was a wake. Making an excuse to be back again in a few minutes – which nobody believed, I happily took myself off to another get-together a friend, Juwon was having for her birthday. The bash was well on its way when I got in, but was surprised not to find her beau of about six years, playing the host. The man virtually puled the strings of Juwon’s life like a puppet. She called him her addiction and her heart-breaker. A sprawling macho, they had split up and got back together so many times I’d lost count. “Where is Kaka?” I asked Juwon, as soon as I could get her alone. “We’re finished for good this time”, she hissed. Thank God for that, I breathed silently, I’d never liked him and thought it was about time Juwon, a divorced mother of two, found herself a nice gentleman instead of the controlling freak she just got rid of.
Later, gyrating to a snazzy number on the dance floor, Yinka, a friend who’s had the hots for Juwon for years danced up to me and pleaded with me to influence her to go out with him. Yinka might be a bit of a nerd, but he is a gentleman and he would definitely treat Juwon right. She was appalled when I phoned her the next day to fix a date for both of them. “Are you insane? What would I have in common with him?”, she wanted to know. “You wouldn’t know until you go out with him”, I reasoned. “The guy wants to take you out for goodness sake, not rape you!” `Is he capable of raping anyone?’, she sneered. In the end, she decided to have dinner with him.
She was slightly impressed after they both went out some days later. “A long time I went out with a gentleman”, she told me. “He splashed out on a meal at one of those posh night-clubs on Victoria Island and even held doors open for me. When we got home, he pecked me on the cheek and asked when he would see me again. My goodness, do men like that still exist? Maybe I could get used to him and his oyinbo ways!” I was pleased with myself for, who knows, Juwon’s love life might just change for the better with Yinka. And he was really excited and grateful that I pulled things off for him. When next I saw Juwon, she didn’t quite share my enthusiasm. “Kaka is back”, she announced flatly. “Back from where?” I asked foolishly. “Well, we’re back together”. She snapped.
“Let’s face it, that Yinka friend of yours is a wimp. Inspite of my resolve to get rid of Kaka, the minute he forced himself into my flat and we kissed, my resolve simply melted. When we eventually made love, I felt alive. His kisses were so passionate compared to Yinka’s. Whenever I got out with Yinka, all he does is discuss business and politics. Whenever I’m with him, my brain just disengages. I imagine myself having fun with Kaka and there are no guesses as to who I’d rather be with.
“To make Kaka jealous, I told him I was now in a relationship with Yinka and he nearly fell off the chair laughing. “You can do better than that surely”, he sneered. “If you must replace me, find someone more challenging and I promise you, I’d leave you alone!’ After he left, I thought of phoning Yinka to forget all about me, but I had a date with him that evening and I intended to let him know then. He was so nice, and glad to see me that I ended up telling him that I didn’t want to rush into another relationship having just gotten out of a bad one. He accepted this and said we should take things real slow!” I was a bit confused. “So what have you really decided to do?”, I asked her. “To live a bit of a double life”, she answered cheekily. “And why not? I keep Kaka for sex and Yinka to make him happy and as a reserve for when Kaka misbehaves. Kaka is a very sexy lover but a bad boy – keeping Yinka will be proof that I can attract men who are not louts!” I didn’t know what to make of the scheming barracuda Juwon has suddenly turned into. To think I was feeling sorry for her enough to encourage her relationship with Yinka! She obviously knows what she wants and let’s face it, who wouldn’t prefer a good romp in a hay to a bore who kisses the back of your hand and opens door for you?
Yinka was full of how wonderful, Juwon was when next I saw him, I wish I had the nerve to tell him to cast his net somewhere else. I did warn him though that after Juwon’s experience with Kaka, she might not be ready to commit to another man. He told me not to worry, that they now got on like a house on fire. And what about sex? “Oh, we’ve had that – only once. And it was ok”, he assured me. “It will get better with time”.
Juwon wasn’t so enthusiastic when I mentioned it. “I felt like a cheat sleeping with him”. She admitted. “I had to pretend it was Kaka to get any semblance of satisfaction. I now know how prostitutes feel! I tell you I wouldn’t do it again no mater how high you sell him to me, it’s just not worth it”. My good friend Lillian couldn’t quite believe my involvement with Yinka and Juwon. After burning my fingers with a few match-makings she thought I would have learnt my lesson. But I protested this had nothing to do with match-making, I merely introduced the two and it was up to them whether or not they liked each other.