By Bunmi Sofola
If I’d known that Lola would resort to flirting, and eventually be put in the family way by a first School Leaving Certificate holder, when she fully knew that my undertaking a postgraduate course was to better our lot, I would have waited until I’d completed my course before I plunged into marriage.” Yomi declared sadly, narrating to me the story of his broken marriage, the shock from which he has not yet recovered.
One would wonder why a couple that had gone through many difficulties and weathered such storms could not stick together when the last hurdle was in sight. In fact, by now the last hurdle had been crossed. In the sitting-room of his flat, given to him by the university, one could see, from the various modern gadgets that adorned the flat, that after much struggling, Yomi had eventually arrived. Why Lola refused to wait to enjoy all these comforts beats everybody’s imagination.
The wedding was. solemnised in a church followed by a big reception that was attended by the cream de la creme of the society. Lola, who came from a well heeled family, was a spoilt child and this accounted for her blunt refusal to further her studies beyond the Ordinary National Diploma she obtained in accountancy.
Yomi, who had just completed his National Certificate in Education course, happened to meet Lola at a party arranged in honour of one of the graduating NCE students at lIe-Ife. The courtship lasted for 12 months and by the expiration of this period both had agreed that they’d known each other well enough to sign on the dotted lines.
The first shock of the marriage, which was a sign of things to come, was the delivery of their first child-a girl. Yomi, whose parents were blessed with all-male children and who had expected the same fortune was disappointed. Lola could not understand her husband’s disappointment, since to her a child is a child and a gift from God. But she counselled him that, they should pray to God to give them a boy next time.
Yomi gained admission into a university to read science. He came out brilliantly well and was asked by his Faculty to proceed on a post-graduate course. Within the confines of the university he remained faithful to his wife because of his deep love for her. This was a hard thing to do, no thanks to the tempting vixens on campus.
Yomi’s brilliant academic exploits made him decide that on completion of his studies, Lola, who was still jobless and was doing a computer course ran by a fresh IT graduate, would be encouraged to train for better profession. Unfortunately, the young handsome instructor soon won the love of Lola who was feeling the absence of her husband and was now content with a substitute.
The computer lessons were later shifted from the side-street institute to Lola’s sitting room and later conducted undisturbed in the bedroom of her matrimonial home. Since Yomi was away on campus 60-odd miles away, Lola felt safe. The relatives who lived around did not suspect anything at first. Later when they knew, the husband was informed, but he still trusted his dear wife’ Lola, and waved off the idea of her unfaithfulness as one of the tricks people use to wade into other people’s private affairs. Everybody soon shut up. It wasn’t long when Lola had one of her hare-brained schemes.
“My dear, it is high time we had another child. Nike is now 18 months old. Perhaps this time we might be blessed with a boy,” she pleaded with Yomi, when he came home on a weekend visit. But he refused with reasons. Their daughter was not two yet, so what was the hurry?” he explained to Lola” when she feigned unhappiness .
“One knows when one begins a postgraduate course, but not when one will finish it. With virtually little money to spend, it will be damned difficult for you to maintain two children. We can wait until I finish”, he said.
But Lola was getting really impatient because of her diabolical plan. She knew his elder brother could easily convince him, went to him and asked him to plead her cause with Yomi.
Yomi yielded. The outcome was the delivery of a baby girl at six months. Yomi was confused. ‘ Something fishy was going on as no one mentioned the baby was a premature birth.
The day Lola had the baby, a text was sent to him by one of the relatives, whom he had accused of sheer jealousy when Lola’s flirting episode was reported to him. He texted he could not believe that the time was ripe enough for Lola to deliver. Yomi came home the next day to find a baby girl that resembled the young handsome computer instructor.
According to him, ”Lola thought I was annoyed because of the sex of the child when I went to see her in the Maternity Ward. She’d been prevented from seeing much of the child and couldn’t see the obvious, because of the caesarian operation she had, but I couldn’t be fooled twice and there and then decided on the next line of action.” And what he decided on smelt doom to the marriage. He simply told her what to do with the baby when they were discharged.
Sensing the inevitable, Lola began lobbying Yomi’s relatives to help her persuade him to forgive her. All efforts towards reconciliation by the two families proved a failure. When Lola realised that all was almost lost she resorted to native doctors. For some time both still lived under the same roof and slept on the same bed, but they were no longer on speaking terms. But like in the first instance, she played into Yomi’s hands.
To ward off the trauma his broken marriage gave him, Yomi became a heavy drinker, from the lecture room he would go to the club and return home very late. When he returned one night from his usual drinking spree, he went straight to bed and slept. Thinking that he was fast asleep, Lola began to recite incantations and to administer the contents given her by the native doctor. She was half-way through when Yomi suddenly sprang up, seized her hand and shouted.
She was taken aback, but quickly regained her self-control. She threw the rest of the dark powder out of the window and told her husband she was only soliloquizing in her dreams. It was the last straw. Calmly, the next morning, he told her he wouldn’t want to come home to still find her there. Weeks after this incident, the university offered him the job it promised and he happily moved to the flat that went with the job. He then sued for divorce.
“The court proceedings took a long time and it worked on my nerves for quite a while. I’m happy I went through with it”. Yomi said sighing “When I took up appointment with the university I began to think of settling down. But it hasn’t been easy”.
Asked if he would remarry if he happened to meet ‘Miss Right’, he shrugged. “It’s difficult to say at the moment. I’d trusted and loved Lola to the point that I went to the university to better our lot. I’ve misplaced my trust. However, if I meet the right lady, the possibility is not completely ruled out,” he said smiling.
“It’s terribly hard having to look-after the home again after a few years break. Since we parted, my burden had increased with having to look after Nike, our daughter. The funny part is that the instructor my wife had her second baby for has shirked his responsibility and has disowned the child. So Lola is left to solely look after the baby. She deserves her lot,” he concluded sadly.
Do you know what an orgasm feels like?
When an agony Aunt gets a question on variation of orgasms or lack of It, She’s often in a dilemma as to the most satisfactory answer to give. Although most women enjoy sex, how do they know if they’ve reached a climax or not? Julia Cole, a relationship counselor says that women often wonder about orgasms. According to her, “They say they experience feelings of arousal and waves of pleasure but ask. “Is that it?” Others get to a certain point where they feel something stops them and they can’t let go. Sometimes this can be because they are uncertain about relationship. Another reason for failing to reach an orgasm can be that they are not being aroused or stimulated enough.”
“‘She has helped to develop a special range of vibrators designed to work with a woman’s body She has also helped devise questions to help women identify the sensations of arousal and orgasm. According to her, “every orgasm is different and unique to each woman. You may not experience every sensation described here, but these sensations are the most common.”
Do you experience tingling, warmth, a sensation or pressure, or a ‘twitching’ sensation in the vaginal lips and the general area between your legs?
These are signs of early arousal and are as a result of the blood flowing into the labia and entrance to the vagina .Your nipples will also be erect at this time.
Following these sensations, do you notice lubrication and a slight sensation of dampness in the labia?
This is the result of the natural release of lubrication in the vagina. This takes about 30 seconds after the initial arousal signals.
Are you aware of an increased sense of heat and a feeling that your labia has increased in size?
Labia engorgement varies from woman to woman, but also indicates that the clitoris is becoming erect, which is a precursor to orgasm.
Do you notice your heart rate increases, your breathing getting faster and muscles tensing?
Muscle tension in the thighs and stomach are signs that you are becoming highly aroused, as well as an increased heart rate.
Do you feel the need to move your hips in a thrusting motion and find that your legs become straighter and stiffer?
As arousal increases, your desire to thrust and gyrate your hips and straighten your legs become stronger. You can still have an orgasm without straight legs, but many woman report this phenomenon as they approach orgasm.
Do you notice sensations of rhythmical pulses in the whole pelvic area, especially in the vaginal, clitoral and anal area?
These erratic pulses are the start of the orgasmic experience.
Do you experience powerful and rhythmical contractions of the vaginal, clitoral and anal area?
These contractions come at 0.8 seconds. intervals, from three to 15 times-depending on the strength of the orgasm – and are at the same speed as the contractions that cause a man to ejaculate. This is the powerful sensation of orgasm. Your skin will also flush-especially the chest or face-and you should experience a strong feeling of ‘letting go.’
After having an orgasm, do you feel the need to sleep or cuddle up to your partner?
You should now experience feelings of contentment and relaxation. If you still feel highly aroused, you could be ready to experience multiple orgasms, although these are often less intense than the first orgasm. ‘