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Must you lose your self-respect because of sex?

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By Candida
On the surface, it is completely realistic. You want sex. You want it now. A willing partner has the hots for you and, if you had any sense, you would go for it. Who knows when the next  opportunity would rear its head. Right? Well, wrong! Not if you have a steady relationship with someone else.

When Yanju met Mercy at a stag night for a colleague, he believed she was the type he could fall for. “I was in between girlfriends and there she was, bossomy with a British accent.

She had a well-paid job too and when I offered her a lift in my car, I expected her to turn it down because she came in her’s. But, she said she hated driving at night and had caged a lift from a friend to the party. My luck was in! I felt even luckier when she agreed to cone up to my flat for the proverbial ‘night cap’!  “When we got home, we hardly touched our drinks before I was all over her! In minutes, we were in the bedroom – me naked, she naked! And, we made passionate love.

She was insatiable, I was excited. This was it, I whooped inside. She certainly passed the test of my dream girl. What happened next landed my jaw on the floor. Mercy picked up her mobile, punched in some numbers and told the party at the other end she was on her way! It could be a girlfriend she shared a flat with,

I thought. “You don’t need to go home tonight. It’s late. Why don’t I take you back home early in the morning – it’s Saturday afterall, no need to rush to work.” ‘That was my boyfriend,’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘We live together and he would soon leave the party.

He’s one of the organisers.’ Was I hearing right? My friends had often bragged about having mind-blowing no-strings attached sex and I thought they were having me on.

Obviously, I’d just been ‘sampled’ by the ever-growing brigade of girls who flirt with you, kissing you passionately before taking you to bed – only to  tell you afterwards not to bring your hope up as they’ve got a boyfriend! “We’ve been together for close to two years now,’ she explained.

‘I don’t want to break  his heart by being unfaithful.’  Another shocker! So, what has she just done? “Shall we analyse what you’ve just said?” I  shouted at her completely frustrated. ‘Would you consider it cheating if your boyfriend took a random girl back to your flat, had wild sex with her and sent her packing? She confessed she would. That she’d do something rather unpleasant to him involving a sharp kick to his tackle.

Afterall, if her man had ended up in their bed without clothes and  with another woman, he would have strayed. I remained gobsmacked! She would castrate a  philandering boyfriend but excused her own? I asked her to take a good look at her jaundiced view and ask herself; “why is it different when I do it? ‘Oh, come on,’ she told me impatiently, hurriedly getting dressed.

‘It’s just a bit of fun, it’s just sex!’ ‘I had the mind of pushing her into the cold night but it was too late to get a cab. If anything happened to her, it would be her fault. All the steamy romance we experienced before I took her to my bed had vanished. Instead, she was so anxious her guy would get home before she did. She virtually dashed out of my flat. When she didn’t see his car in the drive, she was overjoyed.

She stepped out of my car with a cherry wave. And, that was it. No ‘when do I see you again?’ I didn’t even have her number. I felt really used as I drove back home.

My friends were right after all. There are girls who like to have their cake, eat it, then take another slice behind their partner’s back. Do they consider this fun? Cheating isn’t about having sex, it’s about abusing trust; and cheats in denial, like Mercy, are even worse.”

When Amaka met Pat at a workshop, the two girls hit things off together, exchanged phone numbers before going their separate ways. “I was flattered when she called the next day inviting me for lunch at a social club she belonged to; Amaka recounted. From then on, we started some sort of friendship, she was so fun and always interested in what was going on in my life that we bonded instantly. It’s sort of flattering when someone asks all about you and doesn’t  talk about themselves most of the time.

“Whenever we went shopping, she would buy the same thing I did, which didn’t strike me as creepy, until later she had her hair braided just like mine. When my boyfriend joked she looked like my clone, I took it as a compliment.

Then I got the shock of my life the day I came back home early because a meeting was postponed and walked into the flat to find Pat on the couch having sex with my boyfriend! I didn’t ask any questions but yelled they should both leave my flat. At once; I cried for months after and whenever I see her, which isn’t often, thank goodness, I feel like throwing up! It’s a sad fact but there are some nymphomaniacs out there ready to sacrifice a good friendship for torried sex!”

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