January 5, 2011

Best way to introduce your partner to your parents

By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I’m currently dating a very wonderful girl and would want my parents to meet her. I have met hers and they are quite extroverted – they took to me right away. Mum always grills me about bringing my ‘intended’. I love this lady but we haven’t discussed marriage yet. She’s quite keen on meeting my parents – but how do I do this without my mum hearing wedding bells?
By E-mail

Dear Jide,
Introducing your new love to your parents is always a little fraught, but here are some expert advice on ways to make sure it all runs smoothly:

Fill your partner in on any family eccentricities. If your dad doesn’t take his eyes off the telly, warn your partner not to feel slighted. Fill your family in on your partner. Explain what he or she does for a living and any significant vulnerable points – for example a parent who’s recently died or a promotion that’s fallen through. That way, they’ll know to steer clear of certain subjects.

Make sure your family knows how serious the relationship is, especially if your partner is more serious than you are. He or she will already think meeting your family is the green light for commitment. Your parents saying things like “You’re part of the family now” will have wedding bells ringing inyour partner’s ears.

If you’re both staying the night, make sure you’ve had the where you’re both going to sleep discussion. Don’t quiz your partner relentlessly for their impression after. Give everyone time to get used to each other.

Should you overhaul your organ?

Dear Bunmi,
I recently read a report on the internet that suggests the penis only has 10,000 orgasms until it is totally useless. I have had sex at least once a day for the past twenty years and fear my penis is about to run out of orgasms. I’m not even 40 yet!

To the best of your knowledge, is it possible to re-sensitise the penis? I have heard that it is possible but I am unable to find out how to do it.
By E-mail

Dear Freddy,
You must have been warned not to believe everything you read – most particularly on the internet, I’m not sure what report you read but I can reassure you that there is no truth in it whatsoever. It’s complete and utter rubbish! I suspect that what you read was an estimate of how many orgasms the average man has in a lifetime – reports vary but its estimated to be between 6,500 to 8,000.

The good news here is that your penis or orgasm quota don’t have expiry dates and you can happily continue your daily sessions without fear of wearing your willy out. Well done by the way-pretty impressive to keep that up for 20 years – or were you just bragging?

I feel like setting a trap for her

Dear Bunmi,
My girlfriend can’t stop flirting and I don’t trust her. She started seeing me when she was with another man and I don’t trust her to say no if another man comes along. She says I’m being stupid and I’m the one she wants. I’m thinking of putting her commitment to the test by asking a mate to toast her. If she goes out with him then I’ll know I can’t trust her. Do you think this is a good idea?
By E-mail

Dear Emeka,
Beware of what you’re doing because your lack of trust could destroy your relationship. If she rejects your friend then you may feel more confident in her, but if she finds out what you’ve done then you can wave goodbye to your relationship. Just because she’s a bit flirty doesn’t mean she’s going to go off with someone else. Your jealousy may result in exactly what you fear. If you don’t show any faith in her then you could push her into the arms of the first man who does show her some trust.

Rather than putting your girlfriend to the test, I would talk to her and explain why you find it hard when she flirts. If she really does care for you. she’ll tone down her flirty behaviour to reassure you there is no reason to worry.

He has two steadies!

Dear Bunmi,
I met my boyfriend about a year ago and I thought we had a steady relationship. As a matter of fact, I thought we would eventually get married, as we are both in our twenties though he is four years older than I am.

Anyway, he came to my place recently covered in little scratches. I joked when we tried to make love that they looked like love scratches and he laughed uncomfortably. I decided to make more discreet enquiries about him only to discover that he has another girl he’s been going steady with for three years! In other words, I was his bit on the side! He didn’t deny this girl when I asked him. He said time would tell who of us he will get married to. I feel used.
By E-mail

Dear Cosmas,
It is true what they say that to get your prince, you will have to kiss a lot of frogs! Your man is playing the game most young men  (and women come to think of it) play in their quest to find a perfect mate. There is no need to keep hanging about for your man to change his mind.

Chuck this off to experience and move on; but be more careful when you start a new relationship. There’s no guarantee you’ll know a good man.

Should we start afresh for the New Year?

Dear Bunmi,
I’d been with my ex-boyfriend for over a year when he suddenly stopped all contact with me — no calls, no visits and no explanation. I was gutted and it took me a long time to get over him. I’m currently in a relationship though I don’t love the new man as much as I used to love my ex.

Last month, I ran into my ex at a friend’s wedding and he was all over me. He said I was the love of his life and he was sorry to leave the way he did. That we should let bygones be bygones and start afresh for the New Year. I thought I hated him because of the way he dumped me. Now I’m not so sure.
By E-mail

Dear Toyin,
We’re in a season where we should be good to ourselves, so I would do nothing for now if I were you. Your ex may be genuinely regretful that he hurt you. He may also be trying to see if he still has you under his thumb. Some men get a kick out of collecting scalps.

You need to take your time to find out whether or not there’s any mileage in your present relationship, or whether you’d be better off on your own for a while. Once you’ve settled that, you’ll be better able to work out whether or not you and your ex have a future together.

He needs to be replaced!

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve just split up with my boyfriend of two years and this got me really upset especially since all my friends are paired up.

So I need some tips on how to find a man fast. I don’t want to be the only one out of my group of friends that looks like a loser!
By E-mail

Dear Moirat,
You won’t be the only person in the world who finds herself without a partner, albeit temporarily. And guess what?

Some of them are not panicking and thinking it’s the end of the world. Some are using the opportunity to become independent, to enjoy being in charge of their lives.

So instead of giving you tips on getting a man, let me encourage you to enjoy life. The happier you can be in yourself, the happier you’ll be when you’re finally in a relationship.

Why did I have this affair when I love my husband?

Dear Bunmi,
I’m a secretary and made an irrational decision nine months ago to sleep with my boss. He was years older but extremely sophisticated and sex with him was good. So was sex with my husband. My lover is happily married, so what we had was a fling. But why was I attracted to another man when I love my husband? My boss has since been promoted and he now heads a branch office. The affair is more or less dead. But why did I have it? Does it mean my marriage is doomed? Please help.
By e-mail

Dear Abah,
To be faithful “till death do us part” might be a wonderful idea, but there is plenty struggle – and slip – along the way. While an affair isn’t pleasant, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a dreadful marriage. Sometimes, we’re tempted simply because we want something new. It doesn’t necessraily mean we’re not happy with what we have nor is an affair anyone’s fault.

It’s impossible to make a partnership affair proof. No matter how loving, sexy or beautiful you are, everyone is prone to temptation at some stage.

This doesn’t mean your partner is no longer in love with you. Most of the men who admit to having affairs claim to be happier in their marriages than other men who say they had never had one. Women are more likely to cheat on their men if they’re not happy at home, but that still doesn’t mean they don’t love their partners.

Your fling seems to be a momentary and stupid lapse of judgement and thank goodness your boss is no longer around to make your fling marriage – threatening. Some marriages even end up stronger after an affair. You love your husband and this guilty conscience that’s tearing into you means  you won’t make the same mistake again.