Breaking News

Of marriage and true companionship

This week, what we will discuss is not my position and really not my view per se, but when we are done, you would agree with me that it does make sense. Before I go further, I would like to state categorically that I am a great advocate for, marriage, I am very well married, and I do believe in marriage. I want that to be clear. I do not want to be labeled a woman’s libber or a feminist.

In spite of the above I really do believe that concerning marriage, there are still some things that I do not understand. I know women are great, but what makes the whole world think that a woman is not complete if she is not married.

You go to churches, and mosques, and social functions, and the emphases on marriage is incredible. When you listen to what many have to say, you get the impression that a woman who is not married is a cursed woman. Yes marriage is good. Companionship is good, friendship is good. Yes.

Two heads are better than one etc. But the truth is, many do not even get companionship or friendship in their marriages. They are the most miserable creatures that live on planet earth. Many women are oppressed, suppressed, and totally enslaved in their marriages. Yet they step out and society tags them as successful just because they are married. A woman has daughters, and by the time the girls are thirty and not married, she is in trouble.

Even the woman herself believes she is a reproach because her daughters are not married no matter how well they are doing in every other areas. You hear her friends and neighbours say “Poor woman, she has two grown up daughters who are not married” or “What’s wrong with her. Why is she rejoicing. She should cover her face in shame. Her daughters are not married”

I remember when I was in the university, I had this friend, she was exchange student from a university in the United states. I was so deeply in love with my boyfriend(who is now my husband) and all I could think of or speak about was graduating and getting married to him so that we can be together. I remember Rose(that’s her name) could not understand it.

Yes, she said, relationships are great, but why must you give up your life, your name, your thinking, your likes etc. Why must you sign over your life to another. Rose at the time said, she could live with a man forever if the relationship they enjoyed continued forever, but why must you sign something and legalize a relationship.

She said if they love each other enough, they could decide together to have children, and still be committed together in the relationship without signing the dotted lines. She said that signature has clamped so many destinies, and many women fail to fulfill their destinies, because the men take over their lives and turn them into glorified housemaids who do not have a mind of their own. She claimed that right before her eyes, she saw her mother reduced to a non-entity by her father. Her mum before marriage was politically inclined.

She was very active in the students union at the university she attended but marriage killed her dreams of becoming relevant to the society. She couldn’t have friends, she couldn’t go out, she just lived all her life washing clothes, cleaning house, bathing the kids, etc, and her father just believed that as long as he provided the funds, she was his property.

Rose recalled that her mum would wake up on Sunday morning, cook for all of them, clean the house, and try to make sure that all the children are dressed.

Her father would be snoring on his bed, would not volunteer any assistance, and when its about time to leave for church, he just gets up, gets ready, and marches into the car.
She could not understand why he never volunteered to assist in any way. Men really have it all good.

Rose believed that men should be begging women to marry instead of the other way around. Because right there, he has a cook, a washer woman, a cleaner….. everything the man needs comes with the package. In most cases, whether the woman likes it or not, whether she likes it or not, its her duty to sort out these things.

The man just gets up and goes. Even when they have help, it is the woman that supervises all and makes sure all is in place.

In this sense, we all agree it is a man’s world. I would say, we all know what the deal is. A woman must be able do decide how she wants to live her life. It is alright to want to get married, but those who believe that they have a life to pursue outside of getting married should not be criticized and condemned.

Everyone should have a right to choose what she wants in life. If a woman decides for marriage wish her well. For those who decide not to get married, they are entitled to their choice.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.