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Ex wants me back after I won the N2m promo

By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I was stunned but overjoyed when I won a two million naira promo of one of the telecoms companies. My name and pictures were in the papers  and a few days after my win, my ex-fiancee got in touch and asked to see me again. She was the one who broke off the engagement two years ago and I was devastated when it happened.

Now she’s told me she’d never stopped loving  me. I still love her and seeing her again has brought back all the loving  we shared. I’d like to give our relationship another go but I have this nagging feeling she only came back because of the money. She didn’t mention my wind-fall and I haven’t discussed it with her either. What do you think?
By E-mail

Dear Daniel,
Your fiancee’s sudden re-appearance after two years apart, and after your fortunes have changed, sounds a bit dodgy to me. You didn’t say why she left you or if any of the issues then, hers and yours, have been resolved. I’ll advise you to take things very carefully. In the meantime, seek some financial advice, invest your money and don’t do anything rash. If your ex can prove in other ways that her change of heart is genuine and not motivated by money, then I wish you every happiness. But tread softly!

Do you think he gave me herpes?

Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend of over a year was so unreliable that I called off the relationship. It was after we split up that I heard the rumour that most of his exes complained of being infected by him. I was so scared that I went for a medical check-up and the doctor told me I had herpes.

He gave me some medicine and antibacterial cream but I was too embarrassed to ask him any questions because I don’t even know what herpes is all about! Will it go away after my treatment?
By E-mail

Dear Gbemi,
Herpes is a virus like the one that can cause cold sores. It’s contracted by having sex with someone who has the problem, or even by having oral sex with someone who has cold sores. There are often no obvious symptoms, so you did very well to have a check-up.

The real problem is the fact that herpes is contagious; sometimes you don’t even have any symptoms. And the virus is with you for life once you’ve contracted it. So you need to get your partner to always use a condom during sex unless he already has the condition. All that said, herpes is easily treatable. If you do get the symptoms, your doctor can give you tablets or creams and the outbreaks will get milder as you get older.

I didn’t greive when my husband died

Dear Bunmi,
I was married for over 20 years but my husband died towards the end of last year. Before he even fell ill, he had got himself .a girlfriend who was pregnant for him. As a result of this, he made life almost unbearable for me and the children.

He was making plans to make her a second wife when he fell ill and was hospitalized. He had even warned that I should look for a place to live with my children as he meant to move to the new house with this woman. On paper, the house belonged to him though I gave him all the financial support I could when he was building it.

To cut a long story short, he died suddenly, and God forgive me, I was ecstatic when I learnt of his death. I shed no tears for him at his funeral and people believed I was still in shock. I knew better. It was more of good riddance to bad rubbish. I felt guilty though, that I couldn’t even cry for a man I had spent the best years of my life with and with whom I had four children. I am a good Christian and I would want a way to get over the bitterness of thinking that if he hadn’t died, my children and I would have been almost destitute.
By E-mail

Dear Laraba,
It could be really harmful when dreams you have had over the years become rubbished. As hard as this sounds, you have to remember the good times you shared with your dead husband. Can your church help? Sometimes, speaking to a priest in your church could bring the relief you never suspected you could have. The man is now dead and is immune to whatever bitterness you harbour.

In the meantime, you should learn to move on with your life. Even if he hadn’t died, you would have discovered that you wouldn’t be destitute. At least, some of your children are now grown and might be in a position to help. In the meantime, think only positive thoughts. Believe me, you will eventually get over your resentment-you just have to be willing to let go of it.

Is it wrong to fancy other men?

Dear Bunmi,
I’m in a steady relationship with a guy I met three years ago, and I love him. Lately, however, I’ve been looking more and more at other men. Does this mean I’m falling out of love with my man?
By E-mail

Dear Aisha,
Experts agree that eighteen months to two years into a relationship is a testing time. Up until then, delicious love hormones have been pumping through your bodies, keeping you both infatuated and ‘in lust’. They wear off anywhere from 9 to 18 months and the result is that you both come back down to earth with a big  thump, feeling flat and like you’re fallen out of love.

Only you haven’t;  it’s just that the chemical high is no longer there, and you can’t rely on lust tapping you on the shoulder.

Now’s the time to officially work at your sex life! This means investing in a few good sex books and trying new things. Give up the myth that love is enough to keep you sexually attracted to each other – it’s not.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.