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Will you let a spouse who left you get involved in your child’s marriage?

Single parenting is one rough bone nobody will want to chew. Whether one entered into it by way of being widowed or outright abandonment, the truth remains that nobody is in good shape with single parenting. When you are a single parent, raising kids all by yourself can be a very difficult task. Single dads usually face the problem of how to keep in tune with the child’s feelings and emotional needs. It is an entirely different ball game to regular parenting where the household is made up of  father, mother and children.

In cases like this, the men involved tend to suffer more than women. They feel that this is not a very manly job. Unlike women who are known for  their emotional attachment with their children, a single dad will always find it difficult to perform motherly responsibilities.

The question now is, having shouldered this responsibility alone, will you allow the mother or father of your child who abandone you to reap the parental benefit if the child in question is getting married? Read on:

He can take part if …. — Patricia Usman

I’ll allow him to take part because he also played a part in bringing the child into this world. But if my child says no, then my hands are tied. There are cases where both parents attend the wedding of their child and do not to talk to each other. And after that day, everybody goes his own way. Some children just take it that they’ll be mocked if their both parents are not present at their wedding. So, to cover the shame, they manage to get both mother and father to be present.

If he’s prepared to fund the wedding — Adaora Ukoh, Actress

Well, if he’s willing to fund the wedding without anyone else adding a dime, then we can allow him the privilege of being a father once more. Aside that, we can just invite him to come and sit down to watch that child he abandoned as the child gets married. He can come like any other visitor and witness the occasion.
It will be nice to let him see the child he didn’t want to have anything to do with celebrate love and happiness. By so doing, I believe he’ll live to regret his actions everyday of his life.

He can’t reap where he did not sow — Shamara, Musician

ShamaraI think it’s a two way thing. First, I’ll consider the kind of relationship I’ve had with his family members. If his family had always been in support of their son’s irresponsibility, then there’ll be no need for him to consider himself as a father to my child, not on an event like wedding. But if I was on good terms with  his family and they were able to shoulder some kind of responsibility for  my child, then they deserve to take part. There are situations where the parents of the man may have tried their best to make their son face his responsibility and he failed to listen. Now, he’s prepared to reap where he did not sow.

If he had wanted us to have any form of dialogue, that should have been taken care of before now. I keep asking why a man or woman will bring a child into this world and will not take responsibility for the child’s upbringing and welfare? What other things can one do to show commitment even to himself when he fails to see his own child through life?

Even the man or woman who would have so much guts to come and take part in the child’s wedding after abandoning this same child all these years is shameless. If you were not able to sow a seed in the life of this child, why do you think you deserve to reap from the harvest? Except my child insists that he should be allowed to take part, then I’ll leave her to have her way because I equally want her happiness.
Permit me to say that if I’m the child in question, I won’t let him take part in anyway. What if I died all these years? What if I had gone into prostitution or any kind of hard life because my mother was not able to meet my needs? I’ll be happier if he never showed up again.

It depends on how we broke up — Gbenga Saluu, Video director

I will not allow her if the conditions that led to our break up is irredeemable. But if it’s otherwise, then there’ll be no big deal  if she decides to take part, after all we had this child together. Besides, the child in question may also request the presence of her mother if they’ve been on good terms, which I won’t disagree with.

The child decides — Godwin Okechukwu

I’ll give my child the liberty to make the choice. If I say no and my child insists that the mother  take part, it will be  unfair for me to refuse that child the joy of having the mother around. I have an experience where the child who was abandoned actually came looking for his mother and she was called upon to perform her responsibilities on the wedding day. In fact, he built a house and welcomed his mother to come and live with him. When a child becomes an adult, I believe he should be allowed to take his destiny into his hands.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.