Breaking News

He shouldn’t be having sex at his age

Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I got married four years ago to a divorcee and we have two children together. His only son from his first marriage who is only 14, lives with us in the guest room downstairs. I’ve just found out that he’s having sex with his girlfriend who is the same age. My husband is in the dark and I’m sure his mum knows nothing about her randy son.

I wondered if the girl is on the pill with her parents’ consent!

When I told my stepson I knew what he was up to, he said he uses condoms. I find  this  hard  to believe  and  I’m  deeply worried  about unwanted pregnancy. Can I do anything when I’m not his mother?
By E-mail

Dear Bisola
Believe it or not, your stepson has not behaved badly. Most adolescent enjoy some form of sex, if not intercourse, from an early age. Before the advent of the pill, and the spread of AIDS, kids most often risked pregnancy and disease.

Your stepson and his girlfriend are at least aware of how to have safe sex. Yet his behavior leaves a lot to be desired and because he’s your stepson, you want to assert control over him. But let me warn you, you might meet with rebellion. Now that these teenagers, scarcely out of diapers, have discovered the joy of sex, they’ll never give it up without stiff opposition.

You need to let his father know of what is going on under his roof. Sex is a minefield of accidents waiting to happen for people of any age. The impact of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases on our lives can be devastating.

Your stepson and his girlfriend may believe they know all about contraception, but they’re not emotionally developed to handle the consequences of adolescent sex. You need to also let this girl’s parents know what she is up to and find a way to make the young couple behave responsibly. No matter how grown-up they feel having sex, they’re still under-aged and under the control of their parents.

I don’t mind being a second wife

Dear Bunmi,
I am in my early 20s and going out with a married man of 45. He’s quite comfortable with a couple of houses in choice areas and we don’t have to hide from his wife as she knows about his wish to have a second wife. When we are at his country house, I run everything and host parties for his friends. We’ve been together for a year now and he promised to do the wine-carrying ceremony as soon as my parents are ready.

But my parents are the conservative type who would want me to have a university education. My lover says I’m educated enough for him. Do you think I should get pregnant so as to force my parents to agree to the match?
By E-mail

Dear Maryam,
At your age, you should know what is best for you. Being with someone else’s husband is tacky and the way you put it, his wealth is the major attraction. You not only depend on him for money, you also ask his permission to do anything with your life. No matter how agreeable his wife is to this relationship, she’s bound to be resentful and bitter.

If you feel so strongly about having a university degree, go for it. You’d be glad you did. Do what you want for a change, not what he wants! Life is too short to waste on a rich man who might go for a third wife when he sees someone younger than you!

He got both of us pregnant

Dear Bunmi,
When my boyfriend visited me in my office, he discovered that the girl I shared the office with was an old school mate so we all became friends. Whenever he visited, this girl would discreetly leave the room after a while so we could have a bit of privacy. Other times, she would hang around just for a few minutes’ chat before she left.

I became pregnant a few months ago and he said he wasn’t ready. Since I am in my mid-twenties, I decided to keep the baby. My roommate in the office resigned all of a sudden and the next thing I heard was that she was getting married to my boy friend! I couldn’t believe it and went to his flat only to find this girl there. There was an almighty row and both of them turned on me. I felt really humiliated. She is even more heavily pregnant than I am!

I still plan to have my baby knowing the father is a cad, he even suggested I get rid of it. Will I ever get over this betrayal?
By E-mail

Dear Farida,
You will get over any hurt if you put your mind to it. Remember you are not the cad here. You’re suffering for your ex’s indiscretion but there is an innocent party to think about- your unborn child. Since you have decided to keep the pregnancy, you owe it to the tot to make sure it is safely delivered.

What you need to do in future is to see if your child could have some sort of rapport with its father. Good luck.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.