November 14, 2009

Confession of some unrepentant sexecutives!

By Bunmi Sofola

LOTS have been said about the average female sexecutive. Amongst  other things that she has bottom-owner …. that she knows how to twist a man round her little fingers – that she discards stale boy-friends as callously and with as little a remorse as you would have squashing a menacing cockroach. And most of these criticisms are borne out of envy because come to think of it, all women have a bottom-be it flat, rounded or inproportionate, but very few women have that  ability to use what they have to get what they want.

Discard the illusion that the female sexecutive should be slim and trim with delicate features that draw hundreds admiring glances in her wake because she is not that any more. The fish the female sexecutive wants to catch is not on the streets, it is there sitting pretty in the office and she’s done a lot of arithmetic about him. She has found out all the things that make him tick. She’s found out too that that aloof, almost unapproachable air he has about him is a front. And she’s mathematically calculated the moves she has to make to smash this barrier. And don’t for a minute think that all the brain-work she’s doing is just for a five minute tumble in the hay with a few thousand naira notes exchanging hands. Not on your nelly it isn’t. The price, the well-worth it price is that junior executive post that’s just been left vacant but which she has not enough qualifications to merit.
So Miss Ambition sets to work. If anything her moves need a load of guts and she is to be admired on how she executes them.“Men think they are smart,” Rolly, one of the females in this modest class told me with a coy smile.

Who else would be in a position to offer a young woman good job but the average middle-aged man who thinks he’s passed it where winning favours of young girls are concerned? Imagine what boost it’ll be to his ego if a girl he thinks he could only admire from a distance pays him a lot  of attention with promises of wild romps later if he plays ball! “Of course you don’t make your intentions known from the start or you’d be tagged a grabber. Convince the old fool that he’s the most exciting thing that has ever happened to you. When he fondless you, don’t let the disgust show in your face instead smile and tell him how you didn’t think his love-play could be so arousing. “Don’t just kiss him either. Do a load of things other girls of his age would never do for him in the sexual department. And after his amateurish love-making, don’t ‘wait for him to make the first move next time you are in the bed-room. Grab at him as if you couldn’t wait for his wild love-making and when the act is on, don’t just lie there like a log. At one time in your life, a man must have excited you tremendously sexually and you know how you behaved then. This is the time to fake that excitement you once felt. Tell the old bag that is on top of you that he is the best – in short make him think he is Don Juan all over again. “After the second session, tell him casually about that vacant young executive post. Let him know that although you don’t have the relevant paper qualifications, you’d been helping the clot who had the job last with all his assignments. And since you could do the job as well if not better, doesn’t he think it would be share waste of time if someone whose ability is not a certainty ‘is brought in?’

“That’s your first line. Don’t chew on it after you’ve let him know. Switch to talking about other things and see him a third time…. and as several times as it takes you to realise you’ve had him in your clutch. Then put on the pressure pump about the job and it’s an eighty to twenty chances that you’ll get it. “After the job is yours of course, you’ll know if or not it’ll be advisable for you to discard him. If he’s still your boss, you’ll need him again. If he’s not, it’s the next man in line you’ll think of. It is as simple as that!” Rolly’s case is one extreme end of the scheming female and Mike’s case is, another. Nike has all the paper qualifications to see her through to the highest rung of the ladder in her profession but she lacks the chic and poise to draw male attention to her – and she’s invariably starved of male attention. Richard tells his experiences with Nike, who he said he had to be nice to enhance his social status.

“She’s young, around 30 and very ugly. When I left the firm where she was the managing director she was still a Miss, with two children to her credit. How the father of her kids found her bearable  enough to make two babies with  used to baffle me. Apart from being very dark and a bit on the plum side, she is the matronly type. One you dare not talk back to and most of us junior workers were afraid to go, to her office except it was absolutely necessary. “You can imagine how surprised  I was the day I called at her office and she asked me if I could come to her house to help her arrange the chairs for her small girl’s birthday party. Who could refuse? It was the boss asking and it was my duty to obey. I  reluctantly agreed to go. When I got to her place, I met her in a different mood entirely. That scowl she always wore around the office had disappeared and she looked almost desirable. But desire was the furtherest thing on my mind as I helped arrange  the table and chairs. After I finished she insisted I had something to eat. I was hungry. Even if I weren’t, I had no way of refusing.

It was when I was busy with my food that the kids  started arriving and I found myself helping my boss. It was a very natural gesture, and I was in a merry mood after downing some of the good wine she gave me. Before I knew it, most of the children had left and I had to help stack the chairs. I was tired afterwards and when my boss offered me another drink I eagerly accepted. “We had drinks in her tastefully furnished sitting room. She sat on the settee and I sat at a reasonably safe distance – she still affected me as if we were  in the office.  When she invited me to join her on the settee, I was startled but again, I couldn’t refuse. You would be a fool not to suspect what was in the offing. She pretended she wanted me to have a clearer view of what was on the telly.
“The conversation drifted to my formal education and future in the firm but I couldn’t discuss intelligently.

All of a sudden, she went to her bedroom and minutes later, she called for me to come in. She had on a dress with a long zipper and asked me to unzip her. When I did, she had nothing else on. I was embarrassed. She asked me to sit on the bed with her and before I knew it, the lights were suddenly dimed. I took the hint. Nature had compensated what she lacked with a good figure – she wasn’t that bad! “We became lovers from then on and I got promoted rapidly inside twelve months. Then, without any warning she took another lover, someone of the same build as I was  and she had nothing but ugly looks for me. I had outlived my usefulness. She criticized my work and snapped at any mistakes I made. Even now. I can’t really tell you what I did wrong. I guess she just got tired of me. When I left the firm, she was on her third lover and I realise that as long as she still wants a particular man, she’ll pay for his favours until a more interesting one happens along.”