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First time out: (9) 5yrs after he took my virginity, I’m still waiting

By Yetunde Arebi
Hi, Remember that   song “Tonight is  the night”  by Betty    Wright? It’s one of those blissful oldies that takes one tumbling down memory lane, no matter how much we may want to pretend. It talks about those three letter words that we all love secretly but try hard to deny openly.

The lyrics of the song talks about the first time a young lady did the “thing”. The anxiety, the pain and pleasures of the act were relived in the song which opens with a call for listeners to accompany the singer on the journey, though individually.

Have you ever tried to think back, capture the first time you had sex? What was it like, was it as imagined? When did you first have sex? Why did you do it? With whom and are you still with the person? Given a second chance, will you do the same thing? Together with Onozure Dania, we talked to  respondents and  bring you their responses below.

You too may be a part of this wonderful journey down memory lane. Write and capture those moments with us, bearing these questions in mind. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: We are expecting to read from you. Cheers!

Wasiu, (38), Architect, says he had a strange feeling on his first time:
I ws brought up as an only child by my parents in a rural setting. We lived just outsde the village, so there were few other kids that I could play with.

I realised very early at the age of six years old when I went to school that my parents were diffeent. It was a typical rural area where people were either craftsmen or farmers, while my parents on the other hand could be described as the intellectual hippies of that time having white collar jobs.

They had little in common with the locals and little interaction with them. Our house was filled with all kinds of books. I am happy for all the things that I’ve learned from my parents and for the amount of cultural capital I received at the time.

But somehow, I wish I could have avoided the negative consequences of being labelled the strange kid who liked to read and hated football and other exciting things  young guys did. My company was good enough for my classmates only when they were copying my homework, but they would never invite me over to do anything else to include me at other times. Thus,there were a lot of social skills that I didn’t learn.

Things were bad, but they got worse once I got old enough to realise that girls are very interesting. As any normal kid would, I fell in love with a girl from my class.

I think she also had a crush on me. In the afternoons, she used to walk past my house and it often happened by ‘accident’ that I met her on my way home from school too. I was completely obsessed with her. When today, I read some of the diaries and poems I wrote back then, I am shocked at how creepy I must have been. But I never said a single word about my crush to her to anyone.

Being the strange kid with no confidence, the task of expressing interest in a girl was a monumental challenge. Eventually, her interest in me died out and she found other guys to be with. But people are not stupid because many were able to see that I was madly in love with her.

As most people who have been in similar environment would know, ‘the strange, fat kid being in love with someone’ is the best material for bullying one could ever wish for. I was ridiculed for being in love with this girl and I soon learned to associate love with humiliation and ridicule.

The years passed and I got to University. I still had no confidence but gradually I gained a little and I got a few friends. But I was still unable to get a girlfriend. However, over the months, my confidence grew and I developed a crush on one girl I met at a party. I really don’t remember how it happened, but we managed to arrange a date.

The days between the party to the date were the best days of my life as I was ecstatic about the fact that the girl had chosen me over all the other guys and that my long period of loneliness and unsatisfied desires finally seemed to be drawing to an end.

She came to my hostel and I entertained her and before I knew it, she started caressing me and my body was yielding to every touch of her’s. So, I summoned courage and that was it. We couldn’t even go to the bed, we did it on the floor because we didn’t want to make noise. You know all these spring beds then was what we were using.

When we finished, to my surprise, the girl told me I was great. I became very happy with my self. I felt different. Since then, it has been one experience after another.

That first time, I felt really strange before we did it. But after the whole thing, I felt very relaxed. I think we both enjoyed it and given another chance, I would do it again with the same person.

Unfortunately, she left me because after school, she wanted to get married and I wasn’t ready. Well, I’m still not ready, I’m enjoying my freedom for now. I started very late, so, I think I should not be in a hurry to cage myself.

Sayo, (24) Student says she is still waiting for her first man:

On my very first day, I did not really plan for it. I was 19 then. I visited my boyfriend, he wanted me but I told him I was a virgin. I was very scared because I’ve heard cases of girls that got pregnant the very first time.

But he promised to take care of that though we dragged the issue for some time. I later succumbed to his plea. When he realised that I really was a virgin, he was very happy and proud of me.

He said he was very happy that he was the first man with me and wanted me to promise to be the only man that will be that intimate with me. He said he was very surprised to see a girl living in Lagos who could stay a virgin for that long.

That he has not met a single virgin since he began dating, and neither had most of his friends. So, he had long decided that it would take a miracle to find a young virgin girl in Lagos, adding that now that he had found one, he was not going to let me go.

To assure me of his good intensions and love for me, he introduced me to his mother right away and told her to help him take care of me as I am the girl he plans to return home to marry. He even told his mother that I was a virgin and he was the first man with me.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.