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First time out: (5) Sex, to me, is not worth the trouble

By Yetunde Arebi
Hi, Remember that  song “Tonight is the night” I think, by Gladys Knight. It’s one of those blissful oldies that takes one tumbling down memory lane, no matter how much we may want to pretend.

It talks about those secret three letter words that we all love secretly but try hard to deny openly. The lyrics of the song is actually about the first time a young lady did the “thing” with her lover. It talks about the anxiety, the pain and pleasures of the act. But instructively the song opens with a call for listeners to accompany the singer on the journey, though individually.

Have you ever tried to think back, capture the first time you had sex? What was it like? For different people, it is different strokes.

That is why we tried to capture the experiences of readers in this article. Together with Onozure Dania, we asked respondents the following questions: When did you first have sex? Why did you do it? With whom and are you still with the person? What was your experience like, was it as you imagined? Given a second chance will you do the same thing?

Beginning with this edition, you get to read what our respondents have to say. You too may be a part of this wonderful journey down memory lane. Write to us and capture those moments with us, bearing these questions in mind. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: We are expecting to read from you. Cheers!

Nnamdi, (48), Artiste, contracted STD on his first time out. But was he deterred? Fnd out below as he concludes his story:i

I also did not want to tell my friend because I did notwant to incur more embarrassment from what had already happened.

So, I went to the only back up for support and advice I had, my older brother. He is six years older than me and still remains my back up till now.

I run to him whenever there is a problem I can’t fix by myself. Even though he’ll still call me stupid boy and all that, but he’s always been there for me. So, I went to him and told him how I was feeling.

He asked if I’d had sex and with whom. I confessed to him who it was and how we’d done it. He asked if my friend was also going through the same thing and I said I didn’t know because I did not ask and would not like to ask him. My brother then told me that what I’d contracted was Gonorrhea and that my friend and I would have to be treated, the girl inclusive. He also gave me a full lecture on sex, if you must, protect yourself by using a condom.

So, the good thing I learnt from the experience was the use of condoms, something I have stuck to ever since. With the help of my brother, I was treated. I don’t know if my friend caught it also, because he did not tell and I did not ask either.

As fate would have it, this same girl and I became very close later. Eventually, we started dating and she was my partner for a long time. I did not mention the problem but stuck to my use of condoms whenever we had sex. She would come to my house during the day when my house would be free and we would have sex. She really liked me and I liked her too.

Just about that time, I picked up a job and incidentally, my office was right in front of a bar where I later discovered this girl worked as a prostitute. I was in the bar one day with a few friends when I spotted her walk out of a room with a customer. I was shocked. Later when I confronted her, she did not deny it and that was the end of my relationship with her.

There are two categories of women I try to stay clear of, married women and prostitutes. Though the later is now very difficult to define. Is it the prostitute who lives and operates from the low class dingy bars or the high class undergraduates and graduate, or professionals offering sex disguised in all manners of relationships for material gains of all sorts? In Nigeria today, it is becoming increasingly difficult to define who is a prostitute.

Ayodele, 33, Graphic Artist, insists sex is not worth his while:

I was 27 years old when I first had sex, and believe me, it was due to pressure from the lady I was dating. Sex to me is not worth all the noise and trouble that comes with it. It is not as if I do not get sexually aroused or that I am impotent.

It is just that I do not find sex as interesting as people make it sound or want you to believe.

What is the big deal about something that you will do and for the next few weeks, your heart will not be at rest because you are scared that the lady will get pregnant. If you don’t want this to happen, you must protect yourself and the only way is by using a condom. Tell me, what is the enjoyment that one derives from sex after using a condom? Almost nothing.

And if you are not using the condom, then your partner must be using something. Everyone knows that most of the contraceptives available have one side effect or another, so why put yourself at risk for a few minutes of dangerous pleasure?

Sex to me is good only for married couples or when you want to have children. So, sex is something I can do without. It is not that I do not get the urge. Why won’t I, when I am not impotent. But I am  someone that has learnt to control his emotions very well. If I don’t want to have sex with you, you can be walking around naked, even open your thighs in my face, that is your business.

I grew up among women, we were two boys and four girls born to my parents. Then we also had three other female cousins living with us, making seven girls. So, you can imagine what our house was like. I would watch my sisters make one joke or the other about guys, watch them being ruffled up and they ruffling some others up. It was interesting, but I also learnt a lot of self restraints from them.

Again, I learnt a lot about sex from a very early age. I moved with the happening guys in school and because of the things I knew about sex, everyone thought I was dynamite when it came to girls and sex. No one knew I never ventured as far as having sex with all my girlfriends at the time.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.