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First time out: (10) For us, sex was just one of the games we played

Hi, Remember that  song “Tonight is  the night”  by Betty    Wright? It’s one of those blissful oldies that takes one tumbling down memory lane, no matter how much we may want to pretend. It talks about those three letter words that we all love secretly but try hard to deny openly.

The lyrics of the song talks about the first time a young lady did the “thing”. The anxiety, the pain and pleasures of the act were relived in the song which opens with a call for listeners to accompany the singer on the journey, though individually.

Have you ever tried to think back, capture the first time you had sex? What was it like, was it as imagined? When did you first have sex? Why did you do it? With whom and are you still with the person? Given a second chance, will you do the same thing? Together with Onozure Dania, we talked to  respondents and  bring you their responses below.

You too may be a part of this wonderful journey down memory lane. Write and capture those moments with us, bearing these questions in mind. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: We are expecting to read from you. Cheers!

Sayo, (24), Student, says she is still waiting for her first man:
Actually, my boyfriend was studying in the U.S.A at the time and had come home on holidays when we met.

He used to tell me so many things about Nigerian girls living or schooling in the U.S.A and how they have become spoilt and unmarriageable because of the system. He had always prayed to come home to look for a bride when he was ready to settle down, he revealed.

He also said that it was not as if Lagos girls were much better than the American girls because they have been hearing all sorts of stories about their activities too. Though he had assumed that I was one of them when we met, but he said he was now happy that I was not.

We promised to get married after he finished his studies in the U.S., got a job and would send for me. But somewhere along the line, we have lost contact with each other. I’ve tried all my possible best to reach him, but all my efforts have proved fruitless. His mother too has not been of much help.

Initially, she used to say that she would pass my messages on to him, but later, she told me he had moved from the State he was to another and she was yet to get his contact too. That as soon as she does, she would let me have it.

But eventually, she stopped picking my calls and when I went to their house, though her car was parked in the compound, I was told that she was not at home. I have not returned there ever since.

Bayo please, if you are reading this publication by any chance, do get back to me with my former address, if only for the sake of love.

For Stella, (48), a Bank Manager, it was a game they played as kids:
We did not know it was sex at the time. It was just one of the games we used to play in the compound, all the little kids together.

At the time, we were all aged below 12 years I believe, and it was not just one or two of us, it was the whole bunch, comprising siblings, cousins and friends. I can’t really say this is the particular age I first did it, I could have been five-six years or even below.

I remember then that once the compound was free, say anytime from till about 4-5pm, we were left on our own with just about two elderly women at a time. One was my grandmother and the other, an aunt who had her shop in the compound.

Any day she goes shopping to stock up her shop, then it was just my old grandmother to watch out for us.
Then, life was still good, living in Lagos had not become as trapped and choking as it is now. Almost everyone could be trusted. Your kids could be allowed to go two- three compounds away to play and you will be sure they are safe. That was how things were when I was growing up.

So, we will all be in the compound, sometimes with children from other compounds, and we will all be playing. Most often, after a game of cards, sand, suwe’e or ten-ten, which we all did together, there was no sexual discrimination then as to what games the boys could take part in and the ones they could not.

Our most favourite games were hide and seek and father and mother. For the two games, it always ended up with everyone splitting to go and do his or her own thing. Mother and father would be left in the “house” to do whatever it was they thought mothers and fathers did, while the children could be sent on errands so that the “house” would be free for the parents.

Even while on such errands – which wass usually about you, the kids, just taking yourselves somewhere to go and hide, the kids too were supposed to figure out whatever it takes to keep out of their parents sight, or where they too could go and hide to do their own thing. However, those playing kids do not usually have sex, that is the privilege of those playing parents. Their own turns will come when the roles change.

The hide and seek is however for everyone. We split up in twos and threes or whatever numbers, go into hiding and have someone figure out where the others were hiding. Those who want to have sex at this point just pick each other and go into hiding together to do it, while those who don’t, just hide and allow themselves to get caught.

It was during these games that most of us, or if I am correct, all of us first had sex.
I recall that the boy I first did it with used to come from two compounds away. He was the oldest of us all at the time, followed by my older brother, then my older female cousin, then me, and so it went down the line, boys and girls.

He was the one who got to pick who played the role of mother and over the years, we all used to queue up for the role. Eventually, we started having two sets of parents as my brother who had now gotten wise of what the guy was doing, soon decided that he too would play father.

Of course, we were many and we could afford to have at least four sets of parents with two-three children each.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.