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He cares more for football than me!

Dear Bunmi,
I’m in my twenties and live with my 30-year old boyfriend. He has a good job and pays almost all the bills. I work in a bank and work on Saturdays as well. On Saturdays, my boyfriend’s close friends come around to the house to watch sports and leave the flat looking like a dump.

When I arrived home last Saturday, they were all watching football and there were dirty plates, cigarette stubs and beer bottles all over the place. I lost my temper and switched the TV off and my guy got really pissed off.

He tried to grab the remote control and I ended up falling down in an unflattering heap on the floor. Then I started crying and they all left to go to one of the guys’ flat to continue watching the match.

We haven’t spoken to each other because of the incident and I don’t know where our relationship is going. I can’t put up with his unfeeling behaviour much longer.

By E-mail

Dear Inyene,
Being parted by work for six days a week from the man you love makes you pine for a greater sense of togetherness and intimacy, and coming home from work to often discover him having laddish fun made you feel somehow redundant. You might be angry and want to spoil your boyfriend’s fun but have a heart! The man works all week and pays the bills. Does that make your role in this relationship somehow insignificant to you? This shouldn’t be. You both came together to create a home and hopefully, a family.

Don’t throw tantrums and become a party pooper and a killjoy. You need to feel reassured about where this relationship is going. Suggest to your boyfriend that it is time to talk about the future. At every stage of life, dare to confront your needs instead of running away from them. The next time you’re smack in the middle of a laddish get-together, find a fun thing to do then make your point when the session is over.

Why is she cold in bed?

Dear Bunmi,
Do you know of a way I can get my girlfriend to be more adventurous in bed? Whenever I asked her for oral sex she looked totally disgusted. She eventually agreed to give it a go but it wasn’t an enjoyable experience at all. She told me it seemed dirty to her, and she couldn’t understand why I liked the idea of it in the first place. She won’t even entertain the idea of allowing me to give her oral sex, although I’m pretty sure she’d enjoyed it.

Do you think she’s a prude? The only sex position she’s willing to try is with me on top of her. How can I get her to relax and enjoy sex? She seems to see it as nothing but a chore at the moment.

By E-mail

Dear Monsuru,
It might be possible that your girl has received negative messages in the past about sex. Spend time talking with her and encouraging her to give and receive sensual messages from you. Also encourage her to explore her body when she is alone and relaxed. But if she remains adamant that she dislikes oral sex, you’ll have to admit this very intimate form of love making is not for her. It’s now up to you to decide if you can live with what she has to offer!

My daughter’s boyfriend is a thug

Dear Bunmi,
I have a lovely 19-years old daughter in the university and doing well. Unfortunately, she fell in love with a man in the neighourhood. He is 24, lives and works with his parents and a drug addict. He used to have a girlfriend on the same street as ours who he beat up from time to time. Now he’s threatening my daughter with violence and his ex-girlfriend has also threatened to beat her up!

I’ve warned her against continuing with this dangerous relationship but I just learnt she sees him behind our back. She’s so young to be facing this kind of responsibility. What can I do to stop her?

Dear Kate,
Normally, parents shouldn’t really interfere in their children’s lives but your daughter’s case is really heavy and you should wade right in there! At 19, she may think she loves this guy, but he’s obviously not good for her-and neither are the people he mixes up with.

Don’t tell your daughter off – that’ll only make it more likely she’ll rebel. As any parent will tell you, teenage kids are really horrible, are rebellious at times and you need to help your daughter come to terms with the reality of the situation she’s in.

It is bad enough that the guy is an addict-but to be threatened by him and his ex is a bit frightening. To help her develop her sense of self pride, encourage and help her make relationship choices that are better for her so she could get back the confidence to live a normal life. Sometimes, parents just have to be strong and stand firm.

Does foreplay get you pregnant?

I’m in love with a very considerate man who is careful about safe sex and always uses a condom. However, once in a while during foreplay, a bit of fluid leaks out of his penis. Does this fluid have sperm in it? I’m worried if it does, and it gets on the outside of the condom, that I could fall pregnant. Is my fear founded?

By E-mail

Dear Evelyn,
You’re right to be worried. Sperm can leak out from your boyfriend’s penis way before he climaxes. The fluid you’re talking about almost certainly contains sperm.

Put a condom on as soon as he gets erect and change condoms if any fluid gets on the outside. If either of you get fluid on your hands, it’s a good idea to wash them before continuing to make love.


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