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Don’t let bullying ruine your life

By Folake Aina
Many parents are all the time in their children’s schools standing up for their children, and protesting against the bullying of their children by their seniors. It is so easy for all of us to associate bullying with school.  But sadly, many of us find ourselves victims of bullying.

Many  realize that they are being bullied but do not know what to do about it. We find many people in relationships where their partners have become big bullies and they have just learnt to accept it. You find many women with husbands who are  bullies, and there is just so much bullying going on in the workplace.

Bullying is a very serous problem. If you continue to condone bullying, before too long, you begin to loose your self esteem. It is of utmost importance that you deal with bullying and not let it ruin your life. First of all you must realize that you are not the one who has a problem.

The bully does. Human beings are supposed to live together in love. Bullying as defined by an article that I read “is persistent unwelcome behavior, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism,  fault-finding, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, monitored excessively”.

Can you imagine a scenerio where you are putting in your best at whatever you do, but all you get is criticism.  It could really be humiliating. The sad thing is that as much as most of us realize how humiliating bullying is, we still find ourselves bullying those that are one way or the other subject to us.

Isn’t it amazing that the very people who have been abused and bullied and who appreciate how humiliating it is to be bullied become the worst bullies when they have the opportunity.

The sad thing is that most children grow up seeing their parents bullying each other or the home staff being bullied by their parents that they begin to feel that it is the right way to go.

They go to school with this attitude, and you find them bullying everyone in class, bullying their nannies, and they grow up themselves to be bullies, thinking that is the way life is. Every parent must be careful as to how they behave, especially when  children are around. It would be so sad to work this hard on ones children just to find out later in life that all you did was raise monsters.

I seen people who bully everyone that is around them. It is not the way to live. We are human beings and we must not think ourselves to be God. We must admit that no one is perfect. You are not perfect. People are not perfect. We are all allowed to make mistakes.

The fact is we all make mistakes, but many never seem to be able to tolerate other peoples inadequacies and just end up bullying them.

Many have house helps, drivers, colleagues that are junior to us, younger cousins and siblings …. . As much as we think that they should have some level of intelligence, they keep making mistakes that we regard as stupid. We must realize that hard as it is to believe , most of them do not know better. We must accommodate the mistakes of others with love.

We all are in places where we have others somehow in authority over us, and we all need support, love and understanding at some time and the other. You know how miserable it would be for you if in any way you were involved with a bully. So why do you keep on doing it to everyone and anyone that comes your way.

What I want to tell everyone today is this. Do not be a bully, and no matter what the circumstances are, do not condone bullying. Someone said bullying was an African thing. I totally disagree. Bullying is a sickness, and to an extent we all suffer from it now again.

Someone said everyone had the tendency to bully, but we must all make a conscious effort not to bully. I am addressing all women today. Somehow, we all find ourselves doing it, or allowing others to bully us. It is wrong.

A friend of mine said she just found that without realizing it, she was bullying her driver. The guy just got to her and she couldn’t control herself. Inclusively, this guy would purposely do things to annoy her. So she decided that instead of allowing this guy to destroy her, she had to do something.

So at the beginning of each day, she would raise up some money,  and tell him “You can either earn this by doing things right, or throw it back to me” The first infuriating thing he does, she goes “minus hundred naira or Two hundred naira” depending on how serious the offence is.

So at the end of each day, he ends up with so little or so much money to take home as extra with him. Before too long, this guy begins to behave himself and do all the right things so that he can earn the extra cash.

It sound like bribery, but it was a drastic step she had to take to put things in order. There is always a way round bullying. Do your best to stop it.


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