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Are women truly their own worst enemies?

By Yetunde Arebi
Hi Women are their own worst enemies. We’ve head it so many times, its become a cliché. Great controversy abound surrounding this saying. While most (men and women) seem to readily accept with facts and examples to back their arguments, several, especially the women seem to disagree vehemently, yet, the general opinion is that secretly, they too are guilty of some of the component that form the basis for this assessment.

Onozure Dania therefore sought the views of some respondents which you will be reading beginning from today. However as is our style on this column, your views and experiences are highly respected and welcomed. In sharing them with us, please let us not limit our observations to the workplace, we will love that we try to capture all spheres of life and living in dealing with this issue. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos or e_mail address: happy reading.

Grace, (45), Pharmacist, thinks it’s so real, even women failed to pull it off in the USA:
Women are practically their own enemies. They ask for equality, but at the same time they refute having a woman at the top to control them. Maybe inside they keep getting attracted to the male power from which they get the pleasure of dominating and being dominated.

The fact that women  in democratic societies make half of the population and yet key elected posts are held by men has significance. If Hilary wasn’t the wife of Clinton, but supposedly his brother, she could have had a chance to be the democrat presidential candidate instead of Obama.

In view of racism and sexism still prevalent in the USA, some had to choose the lesser “evil” by voting for a black candidate instead of a female one.

Maybe women aspire for admiration and comfortable life, leaving the stress of administration and hard work to men when  it comes to decisive action.

Women can be educated into believing there must be equality between men and women, but their  femininity itch them to enjoy life and not to have enduring headaches to take decisions. As such, they don’t seek other women to decide for them, but men with all prowess and virility that entails.

Carol, (48), Senior Manager with an oil company believes its all about territorial battles:
Yes, I agree, it is very sad, but very true. Men seem to get their power in society because they bond with each other. Women have not learned how to do that yet.

Men are staying in power by using our stupidity against us. Yes, I said stupidity, because women are supposed to be evolving, but we are too busy hating each other over petty things such as; our neighbour has a smaller ass than us, or her shoes are nicer than ours, or she thinks too highly of herself, so we hate her.

Women really need to understand that there will be no women’s power in this world until women get over trying to outdo one another in spite. In the meantime, men can sit back and relax because their power is not going anywhere. I have had issues dealing with other females from the time I was a kid.

I came from a family of women, whom I disliked most of the time. Therefore, female friendships were never important to me. Throughout my school days, I dealt with other females from a distance.

Once secondary school and university was over, I did not see any need to keep in touch. When I was married, I did not socialize with my sisters_in_law, nor were they welcomed in my home. After my husband’s death, I saw no need to keep in touch with them

. I work with women everyday in the course of my job. However, I keep my distance and never let them get close.

As a result, I lead a pretty lonely life, which is of my own making. At 48, it will be hard for me to change. The bottom line is that I do not trust women. I have always preferred the company of males.

Why we women are like that, I don’t know. We can observe that women bond and look after their own kinds when it comes to the war of the sexes, whereas the men do not. For the men, it is each for him self. Men will not go to the aid of other men when he is in trouble with another woman.

They would instead be on the woman’s side. In real life, if the man is muscular or fierce, or has other means to muscle other people up, no man would come to her aid. Otherwise, he will also be beaten to pulps or possibly killed for being a busybody in today’s violent world.

Whether a woman is older, younger, plain or beautiful, she will always have to compete for the love, attention and rivalry among other women. Men do not suffer from this women’s complex.

This could be the way they were brought up in a traditional family settings and where their mothers learnt from their mothers and grandmothers. When a woman enters a room full of men and women, she will quickly notice the ladies first.

Each of them will be scanned from head to toes to note if they are prettier, younger, older or plainer than her. Women judge each other on their looks, age and sex appeal.

She would feel much better and relieved if she judges they are no where near her standard. If some one is more beautiful than her, she will have a tinge of envy and regret. Her desire to dress well or look well is silently aimed at alienating other women.

A woman’s worst enemy is herself. They are jealous of others and highly critical of their own kinds. They are like those Siamese fighting fish and very territorial. They need their own space and do not welcome any competitions in all spheres of their life. They strive to be the only queen and the center of attentions.

Chioma, (39), believes it is a natural trait with women:

I have to say it. I must, because I feel so strongly about it. On the whole, I prefer men simply because I like their company and admire their strength.

But women are very callous that they can’t help one another. If you check very well, men help them selves, but some women don’t always like helping women like themselves for the fear that if they become successful, they will now be on top too, their equal, so they usually don’t like that. In some way or another, men find allies in each other while women compete against each other.

I was brought up in a family of five women and two men, so I do have some idea of what I’m talking about.

I will not dispute that nature could have something to do with this, as in the case of the little girl’s natural preference for dolls and cooking, which I wouldn’t have believed, had I not witnessed it myself through my two young nieces.

I have always believed that parents were the instigators of this sexism, but then found myself being completely wrong, which is something that I hate to be, so you can imagine how difficult it is for me to admit. But what I’m not wrong about is women’s natural competitiveness with each other.


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