Is It Beyond Pardon?

June 16, 2009

How do you cope with your spouse’s disrespectful love child?

By Bridget Amaraegbu([email protected])
This week, Bridget Amaraegbu takes a look at a common problem that has over time become  part of our society.  It is a situation where a newly wedded bride is confronted  with the problem of coping with the troublesome antics of the husband’s love child. In some situations, such child has often brought conflicts between couples.   It is even more pathetic when the said love child gets the support of the father. What if you were the one, what would you do?

Patience is the word —  Vera Nwoha, Actress

Ha ha ha! Wahala de-o! Inyanga de sleep, trouble de go wake am. My dear, this is a very sensitive issue we are talking, about and  it’s not something that can be overlooked just like that. You see, sometimes, it’s important that people like you talk about domestic issues like this one.

First of all, when you are faced with this kind of situation, you should understand that the devil is around the corner. And so, the best way to deal with him is to go into prayers because that is the ultimate solution.
Ordinarily, I’ll call my husband to order, outline all the evils imbedded in the child and make him see reasons why the child must not be allowed to go astray. If I allow my husband to keep taking side with his disrespectful child, then I’m not doing both of them any good. Because in the end, the child may  not be useful to us.

Vera Nwoha, Actress

Vera Nwoha, Actress

Let’s forget the fact that I’m not the biological mother. But if the child is well brought up and becomes useful in future, it will equally favour me. There is no doubt that a well brought up child is a pride to the parents. But we have also seen situations where certain well brought up children, when grown up, deviate and become source of sadness to their parents. So, in everything we do, let’s put it in prayer to God,  for He is the all knowing creator.
I want to use this opportunity to urge our women to take good care of every child under their care, whether they are the biological mothers or not.

It will amaze you to know that some women are not even interested in their own children, not to talk of someone else’s child. Some women are interested in only themselves and they can go as far as using the family up keep allowance provided by their husbands to acquire unnecessary things for themselves. I’ve seen  a situation where a certain woman went out to buy ewa ( beans prepared by hawkers) every morning for her children. And this happens after her husband had provided enough money for her to cook good food for them.

Tell me, what do you expect a woman like this to do with another woman’s child when she’s not able to take good care of her own children?

Even as we are talking about women who are not doing their primary job very well, let us not also forget that some children can be devilish, or to a large extent, may have been bewitched.

I think that anybody going through this kind of situation should learn to be patient with that child, and it may be necessary for that child to go for deliverance.

I equally know that some people who find themselves in this situation may want to pull out of the marriage but that is not the best solution. After all, if the child in question is your biological child, you will not throw he or she  away. We all know that some men can be very brutal with issues like this one especially when the man is not truly in love with the wife. He can seize this kind of opportunity to beat the hell out of her. If situations like this abound, I’ll advise the woman to report the matter to her church and they’ll counsel her on what to do. She can not fight the battle alone.

Finally, I still believe that God will never allow his children have a have a cross too heavy for them to carry. There is  always a way out, and that why they both should go on their knees and pray for the child and by His grace, He will surely see you through.

Give the child room until…— Damilola Adeyemi

This is complicated. And if such situation arises, I wouldn’t know how to handle it. So I may be forced to live with it. Because, there’s no way I can leave my home for one stubborn love child to take over. The fact that my husband prefers taking side with the child  doesn’t mean he’s not in love with me. It may be possible that the mother of the child in question may have  bewitched my husband in order that my home is destroyed. God knows that I won’t give any room for such to happen.

I’ll keep praying for both the child and my husband to have a change of heart because there’s nothing impossible with God.

Again, I’ll have to bear it because I know it will not last forever. The child will surely grow and move on to have his or her own family. So, I’ll be free. You see why there will be no need to allow such distraction destroy my marriage?

If you take time to go through most of the divorce cases we have today, you’ll find out that some of them, really, shouldn’t have ended up in separation. If you allow this kind of thing to separate your own home,  na you sabi-oh.

Call the child to order—  Chidi Mokeme, Actor

I’ll want to give a general advice to the public. When a situation like this is on ground, the issue might not really be with the child. It could be that the couple in question already have some scores to settle with each other. If not, I don’t see any reason why one of the parties concerned will want to take sides with a disrespectful child. This may happen when the couple have not defined how their marriage should be.

Some people may want to send this child away for this reason. But I’m saying that sending the child away will not solve the problem. And if they do that, it could also mean that they may not be able to take care of their own child when they have one. So, the best thing to do is to call the child to order, make him see reasons why he must be obedient and respectful.

I’ll not share my home— Sasha, Musician

My partner will have to take the child back to the mother because I’ll not want to share  my home with anybody. Even the Bible already makes it clear that what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. So, it will be wrong to allow any child destroy my marriage. I don’t even mind sponsoring the child financially as long as he/she lives elsewhere and  I don’t lose my home. Better still, I’ll seek counselling from marriage councillors, men of God, and finally commit the matter to God in prayers.

Take it to God in prayer— Bhaira Mcwizu, Actress

Marriage is not something to talk about like that. The best thing I can do is take the matter to God so that he can counsel my partner. Because if I continue to argue with him on the issue, we’ll continue to have problems.
The child too may grow up to be more responsible and everybody will be happy. But I still do not see any reason why any man will prefer to take sides with a disrespectful child, instead of admonishing such child.