Hi readers! After my ‘brilliant’ performance that first day in Ikeja, I felt certain that I’ll be able to run the company efficiently until Seb returns.

Joe sent down Coco’s cheque for N4 million. I noticed that when I gave it to the Chief Accountant for lodging in the company’s account, he raised an eyebrow and then smiled to himself.

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him whether he thought that it would not be honoured, but I thought that would be petty of me. After all, I was there as the boss of every body, so, I shouldn’t engage in demeaning gossip, much as I needed something juicy to report in this worthy column.

I wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face, so, as he was leaving my office, I told him that I would prefer that he paid back the money he took in cash since we needed money desperately to pay the workers.

The smile vanished at once and he looked pained. An important thing I learnt in money recovery is that you throw sentiment aside and deal firmly. You don’t look at a debtor’s face, nor try to read his expression; otherwise, you’d see a plea for pity there and you’d soften and may never get back that money.  

When the man saw that I wouldn’t make eye contact with him, he cleared his throat to get my attention. I didn’t budge, but continued going through one of the files on my desk.

“Er, excuse me, Mrs. Kwenta,” he said at last, “I’m expecting some cheques to be paid into my account tomorrow. They may not be cleared before Tuesday as they’re cheques drawn on banks from outside Lagos. I wonder if you’d accept my refund by cheque. I can assure you that it wouldn’t bounce.”

“Of course, I know that no cheque from you would bounce,” I told him smoothly. “You look a hardworking and responsible man. But the thing is, I want that money in cash and on  Tuesday. You had said Monday, but I heard you mention Tuesday today and I’m willing to go along with that. On Tuesday morning, you’ll bring me N2 million in cash. Luckily, with the one thousand naira notes, we’re talking of only twenty wads of notes. You can carry it in your briefcase without raising suspicion.”

“Madam, it’s putting such an amount together in a short time that is the problem.”

“Tell those you’re expecting the money from to pay cash in at their end. That would be immediate transfer of funds. Refuse their cheques.”

“That’s possible, madam, but they too might be waiting for some payments to mature.”

“Hey! What have we here?” I asked him with narrowed eyes. “Are you trying to make other people’s problems our problems in this company? Didn’t you say your stockbroker was going to sell your shares?”

“Er, he’s finding it difficult to flog them, even without making profits. It’s the global economic crunch, madam. Money is short in circulation.”

“From here, I can hear the rumbling of the stomachs of our workers. They’re hungry, Mr. Chief Accountant, and you’re partly responsible for that state of affairs. It’s your duty to pay them. They shouldn’t find out that you used the money meant for their salaries to buy shares. I want that money in cash on Tuesday as you promised.”

“I said Tuesday, madam, when I thought I could pay by cheque. This cash, I don’t know how I can assemble two million.”

“You can. Sorry, I have to get on with these files here. I wish you a pleasant day.”

He left my office looking crestfallen, but I refused to feel sorry for the blighter. How can you connive with a junior worker to ‘borrow’ company money and then come tell management, of which you’re a part, that it got lost on okada?

Towards the end of the day, as I was preparing to dash off to my proper office in Apapa, he surfaced with a satisfied look on his face.

“Sorry, madam, I’ve just discovered that this cheque from Madam Coco will not be honoured because she doesn’t have enough money in her account.”

“Go and ask her to bring us cash then,” I told him casually, while wondering within me how he knew. They must have really been lovers, as Seb suggested, for him to be in a position to know how much she’s worth.  

“Ah, I can’t do that, madam, since she’s part of management. As Mr. Kwenta is away, you’re the only one around here who can tell her that. Besides, it’s not to me that she gave the cheque.”

I chewed over that silently, then I asked him how he knew that she hadn’t enough money in her account to carry it.

“Madam, as a chartered accountant of many years standing, one gets to know many heads of bank branches. Many of them are junior colleagues in the profession really, and it’s normal for one to ask if a particular cheque would be honoured if you know the head of that branch. Madam Coco’s bank is round the corner from us here in Ikeja, and I know the man at the head.”

“Did he tell you how much money is in the account?”

“No, it wouldn’t be ethical to ask that. I merely told him we have this cheque drawn on an account in his branch, and could he tell me if the money in there can support the cheque.   He looked and said it couldn’t. That was all.”

“Okay, leave that with me. I’ll handle it.”

This time around, he left my office thoughtfully. Maybe he had thought that I would be breathing fire and brimstone when I was told Coco’s cheque would bounce, and would agree that he pays back in cheque. Yes, I did feel like blowing my top and throwing rotten tomatoes at the lady, but I knew straightaway that, that wouldn’t achieve anything.

Anyway, dignity wouldn’t permit me to do that. Joe sent down the cheque, so, to Joe must the complaint go. I pushed the problem aside and left.

As we were driving out of the premises, Coco was driving in, looking quite posh with a lovely hairdo. She waved to me cheerfully and I responded in like manner. What to do? At work, I put my head down and began to cover the grounds that I was meant to cover that day.

“Madam, have you had lunch?” asked my secretary, coming quietly in.  

“Lunch?” I asked, looking puzzled. In all the eight years she had been with me, she had never asked me that. Coffee, yes, but not lunch.  Oh, maybe she wanted to remind me that she had to leave. It was past seven o’clock. My goodness! I had this vision of women’s rights activists picketing my office for keeping her that late, as if she were a bank worker. The lady is married with three kids. She needed to get home to her family.  

“I’m sorry you had to stay on this late. You know that I told you the assignment I have to do every Monday in Ikeja for some time.”

“Yes madam. Er, we’ve got a car now, so, my husband will be picking me up here for home every Monday. On other days that I close much earlier than he, I’ll go home by bus as usual.”

“Say, congratulations! A car? Wao! How nice for your family. Congrats.”

“Thank you, ma. About lunch. There’s a man from the Chinese restaurant two streets away who said that his oga said someone has ordered for lunch to be brought here for you every week day. He will pay for it. The waiter  came this afternoon, but I told him that you’ll be here in the evening.”

“Lunch for me, every week day? And it’s being paid for? I don’t know anyone who’d be that generous to order lunch for me every week day. Chinese food for that matter.”

“The man’s in my office with a menu. He said the order starts today. Madam, maybe we should just order some dishes so that the order for today is not lost.”

“Mabel! How can we take up a very strange offer like that? Do you know what’s behind it? There’s no free lunch, you know. It may be a prospective supplier who’s anxious to get business from our company in the new year. 

You’ve been with me here to know that desperate people can try to bribe us in any way.  We shouldn’t sell our souls for a mess of pottage, Mabel. Also, that guy may even be in the wrong place. Go tell him to tell his master that I’m grateful for the message he delivered, but the anonymous lunch donor should be told ‘no, thank you’. That’s that.”

She looked disappointed. I suppose she thought I would suggest that she ordered food for herself since I didn’t want any. I sympathized with her, but there was no way I would put my neck in a noose like that. I began to wonder whose idea it all was.

Could it be Seb’s Chief Accountant or even Coco behind the ‘bribe’? There was no doubt in my mind that it was bribery. When she had left for home, I rang to tell Tayo.

“You soft head!” she scolded. “You should have taken up the offer and then waited for the follow-up. I know you can buy yourself sumptuous lunch any day, but a gal can always do with free lunch. After all, the waiter didn’t say there were strings attached.”

She waved away my suspicions that it could be Coco or the Chief Accountant.

“They don’t have that sort of money,”she said.

I told her my conversation with the latter.  She listened attentively and said that I took the right decision about insisting that he pays cash, but added that Coco’s cheque won’t bounce. She said she would tell me why later.   I can’t wait.

Tara.

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