“Oh, mum, is must be my new date, Joey.  We’re going to the Muson Centre to watch a concert.  Er, by the way, I may be coming back at around ten, since the concert may not start  on the dot of  5.  You and dad shouldn’t start fretting.”

“Okay.  We won’t fret.  You’ve not answered my question.  Who’s this new man?  I’ve put him in the sitting room.  What about Richy?  Is he aware that you’re going out to this concert with someone else?” “Mum, don’t worry about Richy.  I’m not engaged to him, am I?   I have the right to see someone else.”

“Yes, but you’ve been going out seriously with him for about three years now, and you’ve become an item.  Everyone expects you to get married.    You both seem in love, and we like him.  Hope all’s well between you.” “Mum, I may not want to marry Richy, afterall,” Sarah said soberly.

“That’s strange.  Is there someone else on both sides; including this Joey in the sitting room?” “Joey’s a colleague, not a boyfriend. And he’s married.  Didn’t you see a wedding band on his finger?”“I didn’t have the time to look.  I was just too surprised that another man came looking for you.  That hasn’t happened all these three years.  So, he’s married?  Well, he does look married with that tummy of his.”

“Don’t let Lucy hear that o, mum.  To her, her husband is an Adonis.  All svelte and dashing.  Seriously speaking, he’s a good guy.  Civilized and well-mannered.  A man any girl would be proud to have at her side.” “So is Richy.  Which Lucy is his wife?  Your classmate in the university?”

“Yes, mum; the same good old Lucy.  She’s waiting in the car outside. I saw them drive into the premises.  She’s heavily pregnant and she said she didn’t want you to see her waddling about  like a duck, since you’ve always admired her slim figure.” “Hm! Women and their figure!  She’s pregnant?  

Oh, glory be to God.  I’ll ring up her mum to congratulate her.  Back to Richy, what’s happening?  Why are you going out with this couple instead of with your own boyfriend?”

Watching the concert

 “I don’t have a boyfriend, mum, at the moment. I’m not used to going out on my own, and since Lucy and Joey asked me to accompany them, I had to jump at the chance to watch the concert.   I have returned Richy to the market place for other buyers.” “Why?”

“He’s too full of himself.  I don’t like the way he talks.  Even you and dad said  the first time I brought him home that he seemed to have a colourful language.” “Yes, but he’s changed, hasn’t he?  Personally, I haven’t heard him use gutter language or say things that embarrass for quite some time now.” “That’s because he keeps his mouth shut whenever he’s here.  I’ve tried to urge him to change, but he wouldn’t change. 

Now, he says I’m too controlling, and that if I feel that he’s an embarrassment to me, then we don’t have a future together.   He’s a good man in a way, but why can’t he just be himself?  Why does he need to speak in an affected tone which just doesn’t hang together?   I get embarrassed with all his ‘yeah’,  ‘s...t’  and f   words. 

There’s an extent to which one can tolerate that.  I don’t know why he feels he has to speak like that.  He’s well-educated, has a passably good job, so, he doesn’t have the need to impress people that way.”

“Could it be the friends he moves with?” “You’ve hit the nail on the head, mum.  That’s Richy’s problem.  He has these friends who shuttle between here and the U.S., and he feels he has to talk like them. 

He admires them so much.  They’re always bragging and boasting.  I’m not saying that they’re not doing well, but why use gutter language?   He wasn’t like that when I first met him.  He just picked up this habit along the way, and he doesn’t want to ditch it.  He’s even beginning to talk down on me.   I’m not going back to him.  I want a more down-to-earth man who’s not easily influenced by people like those his friends. 

If I can’t get one, that’s too bad.   Mum, I must leave now.  Come and let me re-introduce you to Joey.  You may want to congratulate him and Lucy too.”

‘Of course.  I was at  their wedding five years ago.  Hello Joey!  How nice of you and Lucy to ask Sarah along with you to the concert.  And congratulations on the coming tot.  We’re all excited.  Please give my love to Lucy.” “Thanks ma. 

Will do so.” After they had left, Mrs. S. and her husband discussed the startling development in Sarah’s relationship with Richy.  Hm, this is very disappointing,” said Mrs. S. “Does Sarah have a point?  You should speak to her, you know.  She’s not getting any younger.  Richy’s a good boy and he comes from a good family.  I wonder what’s really behind the break-up.”

“I don’t think we should meddle in this matter.  Personally, I don’t think it’s a loss if Sarah doesn’t marry that boy.” “I thought you liked him.”

“I still do, but I don’t think they’re well-matched.  I was hoping that he would settled down and be comfortable in his own skin, but he’s been so much influenced by those his friends that it’s even hampering his progress at work.” “How?  No-one told me that. 

What happened?” “You know that his MD is Mr.  ..........., my childhood friend. 

He told me that they had to pass Richy over for promotion several times because he doesn’t talk right, even though he’s bright.” “What does that mean - he doesn’t talk right?  He’s polite to us.  Sarah says it’s his guyish language that she detests.”

“I learnt he’s quite rude when talking with clients, and you know that their company deals a lot with members of the public. 

He’s undiplomatic, bullies people and he uses foul language.  I’m afraid he’s not as refined as much as he should be.  People who want to emphasize their importance never are.   Sarah’s a shy girl who doesn’t want attention drawn to her. 

Having a boyfriend who embarrasses her each time he opens his mouth can be very trying.  She’s only 26.  She will get another man who suits her temperament to marry.”

Mrs. S. sighed as she mentally put away the special outfits she had thought she would wear to Sarah’s traditional and church weddings. 

She would have to wait, and who knows how long?  It wasn’t a happy feeling. One can sympathize with Sarah’s mum, for the desire of most mothers is to see their daughters settle down in a home of their own, but a mis-match can bring untold misery.  Sometimes, it may be better to be alone than to be with a person who embarrasses you with the way he/she talks. 

Men are not the only guilty ones.  Not many girls would go about boasting or bragging or use swear words, but some are quite rude and crude in every word they utter.  You would see a beautiful and well-dressed girl and you would begin to praise the Lord for putting together such a person to grace the earth. 

Then she opens her mouth in response to something, and her utterances turn her into an ugly person. 

She comes crashing down in your estimation. You feel sad that such a lovely exterior is not matched with class and finesse in the way she talks.  
For many people, a good personality and good earnings are a mark of success.

This is true, but much more important than these is our ability to come across as a refined person.  This doesn’t make one an angel, but it draws people to you and can open good doors for you.  

I know that with the global economic recession and huge unemployment, many people are becoming more impressed by wealth, position and good living than class and good manners. 

You don’t have to go far to know that bad-manners and uncouth language are becoming wide-spread in our society.  If you’re caught in a traffic build-up in which it’s the survival of the fittest as we all battle to gain control of the road, you would see well-dressed people - male and female- in posh vehicles, heaping insults and obscenities on fellow road users. 

Some situations do irk us, but civilization and good culture means we should be able to hold back those remarks which could make us ugly and reduce our rating.

This is something that we should teach from early childhood, right up to university level or when the child leaves home. 

The school should join in and insist that pupils use the right and acceptable words in conversations, whatever their emotions, and also desist from attitudes that would portray them as uncouth and crude.

But then, some parents and teachers do use colourful languages themselves, which their wards copy,  so, the change has to come from us adults. 

Yes, we can get upset and angry, and feel the urge to beat our chests and boast about our achievements and status, but we should remember what these can say about our personality and image, and then pipe down. 

It’s impossible to watch every utterance, but if  good talk has been drummed into us early, it would become a part of us and improve our image.   In this jet age, image is important, if not everything.   Isn’t that what most religions and adverts are beaming out to us from every angle?

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