Isabella sent me a mail from Asaba and shared her marital experience to Stanley who she said stood by her and their three kids despite all they lost due to the mistake they made years ago. Stanley’s parents rejected her and her kids, but today, their love story has changed. Stanley’s family has accepted her
and they have fixed their wedding for November this year after years of suffering, rejection from her in-laws. Read Isabella’s story:
He stood by me and remained a committed lover and husband, Isabella, 28
My husband, Stanley, and I had passed through what I’d call the valley of shadow of death but I thank God that, today, our story has changed.
Stanley was my senior in secondary school and graduated before me, but we were not friends then. I was a second year student at Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, in 2001, when I met Stanley again. He told me he did not further his education after secondary school but opted for business.
His family was running a business owned by his father but he said his father became sick and he had to takeover the business during the period of his father’s sickness. He didn’t go back to school even after his father recuperated. Stanley was looking good and we became friends. You could hardly know he was not a graduate because he looked polished and spoke very good English. We later became lovers.
I realised that I was pregnant after my second year exams. I was scared because I didn’t know how Stanley would take it. He was still very young, even too young at 24 to take care of a child. But, all the same, I told him I was pregnant and expected he would give me money for abortion. I was wrong. The thought of abortion did not even cross his mind. He told me he would want the baby and that surprised me. He even warned me he would not want to hear any story concerning that pregnancy as he didn’t want anything to happen to his baby.
My parents naturally despised the idea of my getting pregnant and they wanted me to abort. But Stanley came and threatened them and quickly did the traditional marriage ceremony. He made excuses for his parents’ absence at the ceremony and none of us realised his parents kicked against the marriage.
It was after the traditional marriage that I learnt the truth. His parents rejected me and the pregnancy and disinherited him. I suffered through pregnancy and Stanley’s condition deteriorated. He was banned from the family house and we rented a house in Awka town. I had to discontinue schooling due to the hard times. Stanley eventually took to okada riding and that sustained us through our relationship. I have three kids now but the suffering we passed through was much.
But, despite the hard times and the rejection, despite Stanley’s young age, he remained committed to me and the kids and struggled to see us through. My heart always break each time he came home after everyday’s business and emptied the proceeds of the day on the table. Together, both of us would sit and neatly stretch out each dirty naira note, at the end of which he would count out what to return to the man he took loan from to purchase the okada.
I watched with a bleeding heart as my husband metamorphosed from a smooth looking, smooth talking young man he was to a man who now spoke ‘pidgin’ English and was easily proned to the use of foul languages. But I didn’t love him less. He was committed and loving and did everything within his power to take care of the children and I.
Stanley and I ran into his parents at a wedding ceremony of one of their cousins. We were with the kids but I was shocked at the rejection and humiliation we got from them publicly. I was more shocked that Stanley’s mother, who was also a woman humiliated us and behaved as though Stanley was just an acquaintance and not her son. In fact, I even later asked Stanley if he was a son of another woman and he said no.
One of his uncles, who was at the wedding, was equally shocked and told off Stanley’s parents for their behaviour but that didn’t change anything. Well, their attitude seemed to bind Stanley and I closer. He was not dismayed and he never changed towards me or the kids.
What bothered me most times was the risk he was taking, plying his okada on the very busy highways. He had been involved in accidents a couple of times but God knows how He shields His own. He never sustained serious injuries apart from bruises. He was admitted on one occasion after an accident and I went to his parents to tell them.
They did as much as settle the hospital bills and drove him back from the hospital. They didn’t even enter our room. His younger and only brother helped him in and didn’t sit down. He stood and kept his nose as if the whole room would contaminate him.
On another occasion, I had cause to go to his father to solicit assistance but he told me his son knew what to do if he really desired his help. It was not hard for me to realise I was the cause of everything. I didn’t even have time to think about myself and the fact that the situation was also affecting me. I ought to have graduated and be doing my NYSC but I didn’t go back to the university to complete my course.
August last year, Stanley’s elder sister got married to a medical doctor who facilitated my employment as a front-desk officer, issuing cards in the hospital. It was like that marriage drew me close to, at least, one of Stanley’s siblings. Her husband turned out to be the one treating the family, including my children.
By divine calculations, I became close to Stanley’s sister and her husband and she facilitated my meeting with the family who, after tongue-lashing me and their son, Stanley, finally accepted our moving back to the family house and having a proper wedding.
Our church wedding has been fixed for November, which is next month. We are already attending marriage course. I have taken a successful exam to the School of Nursing and would resume very soon.
My husband, Stanley, has rejoined the family business and is working towards going back to school on part-time so as to become independent. He is a great guy and I would always appreciate his commitment to me and my kids.
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