Even then, we still fail to come to terms with the fact that hurts, sufferings, disappointments and failures are very much a part of life and that there is much to learn from these experiences.

This is why our years of living notwithstanding each negative occurrence almost pulls the bottom out of our world and we would rather they never happened at all let alone accept that these things also make life happen.

Each time I reason along these lines, my friends look at me with that rather "are you all right?" expression. I still remember how Jesh a very good friend had reacted when I gave him a piece I wrote with the title "the benefits of suffering."

His reaction had been one of "what benefit can possibly come out of suffering." A typical human trait. Not only are negative experiences very much a part of life but also, as those who have gone through them would readily testify, these periods usually turn out to be life's defining moments.

As Ed Louis Cole the author of the book maximized manhood would say crisis give birth to change. Most often, it takes the death of a loved one, a painful separation, a loss of a business or a natural disaster to change the course of our lives - usually for the better. 

A young man born of wealthy parents goes on partying and rocking as if life is one big roller coaster until a terrible car accident jolts him back to reality. 

Disabled as a result, he comes to discover that life; real living is not all about revelry. It is only then that things which never held any meaning becomes very poignant and significant. He now gains a deeper appreciation of people and nature.

It can also be said for the highflying business executive whose multi-billion naira business empire suddenly crumbles. Where he has been brash and arrogant, he learns to be gentle and humble, where he has been bullish and ruthless, he discovers the opposite.

If eventually he manages to get back to the top again he does so a better, richer - in terms of character - and more fulfilled person.

That tears also make life happen is evident from the words of king Solomon, the sage when he said "better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting" sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made better." Yes indeed, the surge of adrenalin and the euphoria a happy event generates can be a good tonic for life.

Dreams that come true, blossoming careers, falling in love, coming into a fortune, etc. can make life happen for us, yet life may and can be most fulfilling in our darkest moments. 

We live best when we have experienced the upheavals negatives can bring into our lives. They make us bitter no doubt but they also make us better.  Is this to say that am happy to lose a loved one, go through heartbreak or suffer disappointment?  Not at all. Like every other human being I would rather they never come at all. Yes that is the spirit. 

Nevertheless, life has taught me that tears are inevitable and necessary. This is the reality I am learning to live with. So must every one of us.

Reflection

THIS piece is informed by the article "when life happens." Although one has a few days to leave the university and naturally I had been elated by both the excitement of being a graduate and going into the larger society. But that elation was a bit dampened by a sober reflection that has occupied my thoughts of late as I look into the excited faces of my colleagues; I keep asking myself this question: What next after the university?

Wondering which of them I may end up not seeing again, who will be the most successful, most prominent or even left behind? A barrage of doubts, questions and worries on my mind as I read and prepare for my final examination, made worse by the single fact that I have already started missing them and my tears flow silently.

I have already sent text messages to the few that are close to me, letting them know how privileged I feel that our paths crossed in life and that I have no doubt they' ll be very successful in life, we might not be seeing very often but I'll keep a tab on their progress by always remembering them in my prayers and keeping in touch when I can. Even those that I have had a clash or two with, am also filled with lots of "I should haves."

As I think back to what actually brought up the fracas, the causes suddenly seem so remote and irrelevant that I began to wonder why I actually reacted the way I did in the first place, what will be their impression of me if our paths eventually cross in life again?

And I remember the "beats" (antagonism), the G.P race that sometimes led a few of us to being selfish, not wanting to share academic materials with the rest lest they catch up with us academically and then I ask myself how another's first class will stop mine, the assurance that he/she will actually be more successful than myself in future.

I also remember those we regard as the best dressed and was always looking out for what they will wear to class (believe me, they always make grand entrance to class), those we thought were snobbish, etc. and over react whenever they step on your toes (albeit innocently) just because popular opinion labelled them so and one gets very shocked to see a different person entirely on making a little effort to get to know them better.

A lot of things are going through my mind now, joyous memories, regrets, trying periods, etc. but in all these, I give thanks to the Almighty because many started with us but dropped by the wayside via death, mental illness and even expulsion and few will have to stay back to clear their academic backlogs but my wealth of experience is definitely added to.

A lot of issues have sobered me up of late, most importantly are these questions "what does life hold for me out there? Even as I make my own plans for the future, am very much aware of the fact that life does not give us the exact dish we crave for.

My prayer is for God to give us the enabling grace to go through life and still bring us to an expected end. I am definitely a believer in the biblical saying that says the race is not for the swiftest but it is God who shows mercy.

As I conclude this piece, I have come to one conclusion and that is the fact that so many things that get our hairs raised are really unnecessary if only we could have a glimpse of the end from the beginning and what's important is that we know and accept who we are, when you do, others opinion of you will be their baggage to carry (not yours) but above all, go at your pace and define what should define a lot of things for you, my idea and definition of success does not necessarily have to be so for you.

Take your destiny in your own hands and  you had be surprised it's still a beautiful life after all. By the way, why does it always take the "end' for us to realize the good and uniqueness in others? (Like yours sincerely is doing right now).

Columnist's comments: Many interesting articles have been sent in but the most interesting ones have been on the short side. Some couldn't make publication because the editing needed was so extensive it would have misrepresented the writer's thoughts and opinions.

I look forward to even more articles at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it . Readers are welcome to comment on the articles and nominate the winner.

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