He then put me on Viagra and I was ok for good 18 months when my love life had a big boost. But after 18 months, the Viagra stopped working. My doctor then changed to another drug called Levitra. But after 18 months, that too stopped working.    

I’ve since resigned myself to my fate until I read recently of a breakthrough in erectal dysfunction called a Penile implant. My doctor confirmed it’s widely done abroad but he’s not aware of it’s availability here. What exactly does it entail?
Daniel,
By e-mail

Dear Daniel,
With the penile im-plant, a tiny pump is inserted in the scrotum with tubes feeding the penis. When stimulated, it pumps fluid into the penis, producing an erection.

The operation is widely available abroad but you need to make enquiries about having one here.
It’s not as magical as it sounds as it could be a bit fiddly using it for the first time as a button inside the scrotum has to be pressed over and over to release the fluid into the tubes in the penis.

But once you get the hang of it, Eureka! You could even learn how to make the implant part of your foreplay.

For more information on erectile dysfunction and female sexual dysfunction, log on to www.diabetes.org.uk and click on sex and diabetes.

Why do I still fancy this drunk?

Dear Bunmi,
For 13 years, I was married to a chronic alcoholic who showed little interest in me or our two boys. In the end, our marriage broke up and I’m now married to a caring widower who is homely and is a good father to my children.

The problem now is that I find myself thinking about my ex all the time. I dream about him and imagine running into him in the streets. He’s never given me a reason to love him and I can’t understand why I now think of him so much. I feel I’m being unfaithful to.the new husband I love and adore.
Ngozi.
By e-mail

Dear Ngozi,                                    
However much you’ll like to forget your first marriage and the pain it caused, your ex remains the father of your sons and the man you once thought you loved.

Your new found happiness is pointing up the way it all went wrong the last time, and part of you may also secretly hope to show your ex how well you’ve done without him. This is perfectly natural. These feelings will eventually fade as your new life waxes stronger.

You need to discuss with friends if these feelings don’t stop to help put the past where it belongs.

Coping with menopause

Dear Bunmi,
I am in my early 50s and going through the menopause. I don’t want the HRT though I have discovered I’m gaining weight. I’ve also experienced other symptoms like hot flushes and depression. Do you have any tips on how I could cope?
Biliki,
By e-mail

Dear Biliki,
Weight gain is common at this time in a woman’s life because the metabolic rate starts to slow down. So you may need to make some lifestyle changes if you want to keep slim, such as exercising more and better nutrition.

A healthy diet can also help to relieve other menopausal symptoms. For instance, whole grains and spinach are good for depression and irritability as they contain magnesium which may help to alleviate depression.

High water content in melon help detox the body and eases fluid retention and soya products are especially good for hot flushes and vaginal irritation as the phytoestrogens in soya are said to have similar properties to HRT. Oily fish like salmon, and flaxseed oil contain essential fatty acids which keep hair, skin and circulation in tiptop condition.

But whatever age you are, your overall wellbeing will benefit from eating lots of fruits and vegetables, drinking plenty of water and reducing your intake of saturated fat and sugar.

Should my love life end at 57?

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve been married for over 30 years to a wonderful man. That is why I now find it a bit embarrassing to confess that I still want sex from time to time. I had a great sex life with my husband, but he recently became ill and is now unable to have sex. I’ve asked him to have a word with our doctor but he’s embarrassed. We know impotence is a side-effect of his medication. So should we just forget all about sex?    

It’s become a very difficult pill for me to swallow. At 57, I don’t want to forget sex altogether but don’t want to put my husband through unnecessary stress by complaining.
Susan,
By e-mail

Dear Susan,
You’re indeed blessed that your marriage had been so loving and fulfilling. That’s why you shouldn’t give up. That you and your husband no longer have penetrative sex doesn’t mean you can’t try other avenues. There are aids you can buy and new techniques you can try.

The trick is to approach your solution as an adventure together, that way you’ll come to appreciate whatever alternate methods you are comfortable with and find the fulfillment and closeness you once enjoyed. Don’t forget to read wildly on sexual problems and talk to mutual friends.

Having fun with a Jacuzzi!

Dear Bunmi,

My partner of eight months is taking me to one of the neighbouring countries to spend the weekend with a childhood friend. The friend had just completed a mansion with family baths and Jacuzzi, I intend to make the most of this dirty weekend so how do we operate together in a Jacuzzi. Any ideas for water play in the bath, shower and Jacuzzi?
Beth,
By e-mail

Dear Beth,
I had to consult an ‘expert’ on this one and she assures that having a bath together with your man is sexy in itself, getting naked, adding oil, soaping one another and drying each other.

If the bath is not big enough, the missionary position will be difficult. You’re better off opting to go on top or sitting on him so that your legs are intertwined.

Love-making is easier in a shower because you can stand up. And the shower head can produce interesting sensations if used delicately and rhythmically on both your private parts. As for the Jacuzzi, find the points fromwhere the bubbles come out, and sit on them! Have fun.

My child’s dad wants me back

Dear Bunmi,
I’m a single mother of a  two-year-old and I’m 26. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year and I love him. Recently, on one of his rare visits to his son, my ex made it clear he would love us to get back again. We were an item for three years and he was my first love.
My fear now is that I might discover I love him more than my current boyfriend. Yet my ex has two sides - he’s loving, caring and loads of fun most of the time, but he’s also been known to be a skirt chaser and I’m really confused as to what to do. Can you help?
Linda,
By e-mail

Dear Linda,
A woman in love with two men has to be really cautious. Allow yourself to get to know your new man better but encourage your ex to be a caring father to your son. As the months pass, it will become apparent whether he can love you unconditionally or not.

Just as you once accepted that he’d had sex with other women, so will he need to accept that you continue to have sex with another man whom you met when the two of you broke up.
In the end, you may even discover you don’t love either of them in a way that will endure. True love is clear on your having no choice but to love a partner completely, with no doubts whatever.

Should I tell him he’s not their father?

Dear Bunmi,
I was married for 12 years when I split up with my husband. We have four children and my ex still visits. He’s a very good father and gets on well with my current boyfriend who was one of the reasons my marriage broke up. Our affair was discovered and my husband refused to forgive yet another affair.
My last two children are not my husband’s and it’s been on my conscience for a while. He seems to be very fond of these two more than our first two. Should I tell him the kids are not his? They’re not my current lover’s either.
Ini,
By e-mail

Dear Ini,
You have a number of questions to consider before you make your decisions. What will discovering this do to all your children? How will your ex take this shattering news? What about your lover? What opinion would he have of you and would he want to be with you after?

Your last two kids think your ex is their father. He thinks he’s their father. Are they of one or two lovers? What exactly are you going to gain by spilling the beans? I’d advise you to weigh up the pros and cons of each of these questions before you say anything. You alone should suffer for your promiscuity.

Just how hard is it to stop

Dear Bunmi,

Despite the health hazards attributed to smoking, I can’t stop. I’ve been a smoker for over 15 years and I’m now in my forties though down to 20 sticks a day.

I would like to stop for health reasons though I’m not suffering from any chronic ailment yet. My wife is not complaining either. Only, I don’t want the kids to grow up in a smoke-filled atmosphere.
Seni,
Sabo

Dear Seni,
It is hard to give up smoking, but when you see how instant the results are, you may think again. According to experts, 20 minutes after your last cigarettee, your blood pressure and pulse will have returned to normal.

Eight hours after, your nicotine and carbon monoxide levels are halved. Oxygen levels in the blood return to normal 48 hours after the nicotine leaves your body. Your taste and smell begin to improve. Breathing becomes easier and energy levels rise after 72 hours, and two to 12 weeks after, your circulation improves.

After three to nine months, coughs, wheezing and breathing problems will have reduced. One year after, your risk of a heart attack falls to half that of a smoker. 10 years on, risk of lung cancer falls to half that of a smoker and you’re as likely to have a heart attack as someone who’s never smoked.
After 15 years, your risk of a stroke is the same as that of someone who has never smoked. Non-smokers have healthier gums, eyes and bones. Smokers are twice as likely to die prematurely.

Did I spoil my son?

Dear Bunmi,
I’m a single parent of an only child and I guess I must have spoilt him a little. He is now ten years old but is a class behind. He is always happy around me but shy with strangers. I have encouraged him to play with friends and relatives of his age group and he handles that fine.   What else should I do to make him more competitive and less clingy?
Doyin,
By e-mail

Dear Doyin,
If you push your child too hard, his natural enthusiasm for learning might evaporate, though showing no interest in his progress is worse. Don’t compare your son with his peers as every child develops at their own pace. Sometimes, your child’s development may seem too slow. Don’t worry about this individual variation.

Learning goes on all the time and a child’s development is boosted by unplanned experience. Praise your child for his good point and encourage improvement on his weak ones. Most importantly, share your experiences with friends and you will be amazed at how worried they are too for their children.

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