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Marriage and Family

Marriage is not a bed of roses

love

We live at a time and in a country where time-honoured clichés and sayings are being partly or totally debunked. For example, “the patient dog eats the fattest bone,” but many a time in Nigeria the patient dog meets an empty plate. At a seminar in a foremost hotel in Abuja, lunch was a buffet and participants were going table by table. My table was among the last and when I saw some people from my table shunting, I was disappointed, but by the time we got there, I understood why.

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One of the victims, Sarafa, an Eletrical part seller whose shop was gutted by fire. Pix by Dare Fasube

Bereavement

By Francis Ewehrido Bereavement refers to the period of mourning and grief following the death of a loved one. The origin of the word bereavement appropriately describes how many people feel about it: “to rob” or “to seize by violence.” How else do you describe a situation where the cold hand of death unexpectedly and
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sham marriages

The win/win formula

“Marriage may alleviate the problem of loneliness, but it presents the challenge of getting along with another person. It teaches you that you can’t always avoid conflict, but you can make it work for you. The truth is, unless there are two winners in a marriage, there are none at all.” Excerpt from a man on his 50th wedding anniversary.

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Jesus-on-the-cross

Happy Easter

Since Ash Wednesday on February 10, 2016, many Christians have undergone one Lenten observance or the other. Lent is over and tomorrow is Easter. In the euphoria of Easter, we should not sweep under the carpet the lessons we learnt in the last 40 days. They are meant to strengthen and make us better human beings?

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Cake

The birthday coup

About a month before, I decided not to celebrate my 50th birthday for some reasons; I just wanted it to pass by like a beautiful yacht at night: unnoticed, and I made this very clear to my wife severally. She never argued. While I felt she was sensitive to my feelings, I also decided to be on my guard just in case she decided to be “mischievous.”

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family

Re: family reconciliation

I was at St. Peter and Paul Catholic Church, Baruwa, Iyana Ipaja, Lagos, on Sunday, February 28, 2016, at the instance of the Priest-in-Charge, Rev. Fr. Theodore Martinos, to give a talk to kick start the parish’s Family Reconciliation Week. The talk was a cocktail of Conflict Resolution, Marital Communication and Forgiveness, three topics we have treated in this column.

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Love

Uberrima fides

Insurance contracts, unlike most commercial contracts, are governed by utmost good faith (uberrima fides). Most other commercial contracts are governed by caveat emptor (let the buyer beware). Caveat emptor places the onus on the buyer to examine, judge and test a product before parting with money. Caveat emptor places the buyer at a disadvantage, especially when dealing with dubious sellers, even though laws have been enacted to redress the lopsidedness.

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love

Forgiveness

I have always wanted to write on forgiveness since this column started, but never did. The opportunity came when I was chosen as the guest speaker at this year’s “A Day with the Archbishop” to mark the St. Valentine Day in the Catholic Archdiocese of Lagos. The topic: The Importance of Mercy in a World Searching for Love. Since forgiveness is a major component of mercy, I spent time reflecting on it. It then occurred to me why I have been unable to write on it. Writing on forgiveness is just as difficult as forgiving unless you are a hypocrite.

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Prostitutes

This is prostitution

According to the story, a married mother of three in Benin, Edo State, gave her 22-year-old lover an overdose of sex enhancement drugs, causing the young man to have a permanent erection and unbearable penile pains. Sensing trouble, she fled the hotel. The report also said “the …woman normally comes to the hotel with the boy after dropping off her children in school… ‘She will be in the hotel from 8am till about 2pm, when she will go and pick the children from school.’”

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love

Assumptions2

Like many other readers, I was curious about the story with the headline: “woman in Australia crashes her own funeral, surprising husband who paid to have her killed” on Yahoo News. The story, which originally appeared in Chicago Tribune, was about an African couple based in Australia. According to the story, the husband, Balenga Kalala, hired hit men to kill his wife, Noela Rukundo. The assasins mercifully spared her life, but told the husband the assignment had been carried out. Five days later, Kalala organized Rokundo’s funeral. It was while mourners were leaving that Rokundo came out from where she has been observing her supposed funeral and confronted her husband.

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family

Sex education

The story said eight secondary school students, five boys and three girls, aged between 14 and 16, were arrested for being cult members. According to one of the girls, a 15-year-old, the leader of the cult, Sergeant, had sex with the three girls in his house before making incisions in their hands to draw their blood “and told us that we had joined his group.’’ Just like that. I doubt if sex was part of the initiation; the young man just wanted free sex with multiple partners simultaneously and “caught the three girls mugu.” This brings to fore the importance of teaching our daughters sex education and self-worth. A girl with self-worth does not surrender her body cheaply the way these three girls did.

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love

Privates

Privates, AKA genitals, hold the key to perpetuation of humankind. Penile matters are therefore serious matters. I have written about them before. Please take time to go through if you have not. But today I am revisiting for the sake of the young, the uninformed and the inexperienced, and because of the alarming increase in the number of penis enlargement adverts, products and “experts.”

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Marriage-Cartoon

Married, lonely

Tuesday, January 26, 2016, is Spouses Day, a day set aside to celebrate and honour our spouses. It is a day when we should not only tell our spouses we appreciate them, but prove it. Celebration of our spouses should actually be a daily and continuous activity, but this day is specially meant to draw attention to the need to appreciate our spouses. But how do you celebrate and appreciate your spouse in a marriage where either one or both spouses are lonely? One challenge some married people contend with is loneliness. It comes in many forms. We have grass widowhood.

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