Saturday August 29th, 2015
Saturday August 29th, 2015

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Marriage and Family

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“My fiancée is HIV +…”

  /   in Marriage and Family, News 7:25 am   /   Comments

HIV5

Last Saturday, I was a member of a panel of discussants at a youth forum. One of the questions that came via SMS was from a young man who claimed his fiancée is HIV positive, what should he do? In my response, I said the first issue is, does he love the lady sufficiently enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her? If the response is yes, then he should deal with the HIV issue along with the other issues people involved in courtship should deal with.

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Is marriage getting outmoded?

  /   in Marriage and Family, News 12:37 am   /   Comments

File: Igbo Traditional Marriage

Recently, I came across a number of write-ups from Europe and America questioning the relevance of the marriage institution. This thinking is mainly borne out of the increasing rate of divorce, and people now living together without being married and having children outside wedlock. In their thinking, if the primary purposes of marriage are companionship and procreation, why go into it when you can cohabit and procreate without being married?

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Old bachelors

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:42 am   /   Comments

Workers during an industrial  action.

A friend just came back from the burial of a 60-year-old man, but that is no news, sadly: Many people are dying these days without getting to a ripe old age. The gist is that the man was never married in his lifetime. Even though it is not a crime, many Nigerians view it as an aberration for a 60-year-old man to be single. It is very difficult to explain or justify. (This, of course, excludes priests and some religious personalities who have taken vows of celibacy).

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Getting married by deceit

  /   in Marriage and Family 2:55 am   /   Comments

MR-&-MRS-Just-Married

We (one of my groups of youths and I) took advantage of the last Muslim public holiday to organize a youth forum. Our topic was “Cohabitation and Courtship.” I have dwelt extensively on both issues in this column, so I will not bother you with the presentation. But after the talk, there were torrents of questions. The participants really poured out their hearts about various aspects of courtship and matrimony. I want to share one of their concerns: deceit during courtship. Even though geographical location, tribe and tongue may differ, the problems and challenges young adults face are uniform and universal—to a large extent.

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Let’s tackle this violence

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:36 am   /   Comments

Wife-beating1

When many of us read or hear about cultism and violence in secondary schools, it all sounds so distant until you experience it firsthand. I was around a government-owned secondary school when I noticed some students and some people arguing outside the school gate. In a twinkle of an eye the argument degenerated into mayhem.

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Are marriages made in heaven?

  /   in Marriage and Family, News 12:47 am   /   Comments

Marriage-Cartoon

Without prejudice to other beliefs, my focus today is fully on Christian marriages. Many of us have heard the saying that marriages are made in heaven and celebrated on earth. What does it mean and how true? For respondents in one school of thought, it means the couples are perfectly matched; “that the couples were predestined to meet and marry before they were even born.” (Jeremiah 29:11). “This means that when God created (the) two people (man and woman), he created them specifically for one another…”

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Polygamy

  /   in Marriage and Family 8:10 pm   /   Comments

When you throw a pebble into water, ripples are inevitable and when the matter dropping into water is of much weight, falling from a great height, you can expect a great wave.

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Unplanned pregnancies

  /   in Marriage and Family, News 12:40 am   /   Comments

pregnant woman

Mama T. was 47, a grandmother, when she suddenly felt very sick one morning. She tried the usual self-medication that many of us normally start with. She did not get better and had to see her personal physician, who ran a series of test–malaria, typhoid, infections, etc–but they were either negative or insignificant. Finally, the doctor suggested the unthinkable: a pregnancy test. “Are you out of your mind? I’m 47 and my last child is 14,” she screamed. But the physician insisted because “there is no harm in trying.”

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Re-evaluating the marriage institution

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:41 am   /   Comments

*The fanfare of `a hole in the pocket’

By Francis Ewherido Before the historic decision of the United States Supreme Court legalizing “same-sex marriage,” 38 of the 50 states had already legalized same-sex marriage, so the decision was not entirely shocking. There had also been waves of opinions questioning the relevance of the marriage institution, while some overreached themselves by advocating its scrapping

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What makes women age faster?

  /   in Marriage and Family, News 9:16 am   /   Comments

; L-R; Wife of the Vice President, Mrs Dolapo Osinbajo, wife of the President, Mrs. Aisha Muhammadu Buhari, wife of the President of the Senate, Mrs Toyin Bukola Saraki and wife of the Speaker, House of Representatives, Hajiya Gimbia Yakubu Dogara at a dinner hosted by the wife of the President at the Presidential Villa in Abuja on Saturday, 13 June 2015.

Sometime ago, I listened to Ms Grace Zemaye Egbagbe, lawyer and television personality, on Metrofile, Channels Television. Her hostess asked her the secret of her youthful looks. She responded that two reasons make women age faster: husbands and children. In other words, she looks young partly because she does not have a husband (Although she said she still nurses the hope of getting married someday if the right man comes along) and has only two children to contend with.

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Penis tinz

  /   in Marriage and Family 10:53 pm   /   Comments

Campus-sex

He was a freshman in secondary school. On this night, the seniors were soaping (applying soap to their penises to get an erection and measure the length). Unless they were lying or his memory is failing him (it happened almost 40 years ago), he heard 10 inches, 11 inches, then eight inches (“boy, those guys were massive”). When it got to his “senior’s” turn, he registered under six inches and the others started laughing at him.

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Jenner’s metamorphosis

  /   in Marriage and Family 7:53 pm   /   Comments

Caitlyn Jenner

Sunday, June 21, 2015, is Father’s Day, a very important day in the lives of Americans. It is a day set aside to honour fathers and celebrate fatherhood. But the children of Bruce Jenner will have no father to celebrate on that day, as many of you already know

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” Taking advantage of a dawn”

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:20 am   /   Comments

buhari-pix1

I missed the presidential inauguration two Fridays ago. On that day and at that time I was with a group of about 150 youths (Catholic Youths Organisation of Nigeria in Aguda, Surulere, Lagos) rubbing minds on how to take advantage of the new dawn. I told them:”Today, we celebrate the reality of a new dawn; today, for the first time in the history of Nigeria, a civilian president is peacefully handing over to another civilian president of a different political party.

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Widowhood and re-marriage

  /   in Marriage and Family 6:48 pm   /   Comments

*Helen Onokpite and daughter

The recent marriage of Edo State Governor, Comrade Adams Oshiomhole, to Lara Fortes five years after he lost his first wife, Clara, to cancer generated a lot discourse in the mass, social and online media.

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Lust-induced suicide

  /   in Marriage and Family 3:33 am   /   Comments

suicide-cartoon

Sometime ago, the photo of a young lady who hanged herself in an uncompleted building surfaced in the media. The accompanying story alleged that the she committed suicide because her boyfriend left her for another girl. Before then, there was a story of a male youth corp member who, either in anger, anguish or disappointment, committed suicide because his female friend got engaged to another man.

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Marital red flags

  /   in Marriage and Family 2:31 am   /   Comments

*Some of the brides

In marriage counselling, sometimes it looks like you are moving round in circles. The same issues crop up over and over again. This week I want to focus on some of these issues, based on recent experiences.

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Divorce is incredibly expensive

  /   in Marriage and Family 5:07 pm   /   Comments

*The fanfare of `a hole in the pocket’

Divorce is incredibly expensive, especially in other climes. Check out the figures. Harold Hamm, shale oil billionaire, paid his ex- wife, Sue Ann Arnall, about $975 million in divorce settlement.

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Before you engage that help

  /   in Marriage and Family 1:55 am   /   Comments

Funmilayo Adeyemi alleged kidnaper of three Orekoya’s  kids

The eight nightmarish days of the Mr. and Mrs. Leke Orekoya finally ended on the night of Tuesday, April 14, when they were reunited with their three children: Demola, six; Adedamola, four, and 11 months old Aderomola, who were kidnapped by a nanny, Mary Akinloye (real name Funmilayo Adeyemi). The family had employed Adeyemi two days earlier via OLX, an online portal.

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Happy mothers’ day to super mothers

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:40 am   /   Comments

Baby-mother

Tomorrow, Catholics in Nigeria celebrate Mother’s Day. Some denominations celebrated Mother’s Day on the fourth Sunday of Lent. Some other countries, like America (May 11), are yet to celebrate Mother’s Day. Anyway, whether it is in advance or in arrears, I wish our beautiful and wonderful mothers a very happy Mother’s Day.

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Living with the oracle of Niger Delta — Preye Evah

  /   in Marriage and Family   /   Comments

Preye-Magada-Evah-and-husba

My husband’s biggest fans are women. Most times when we are in public places, you see women coming to hug him. Some will tell me plainly that I should not be jealous, that he was made for the public, that he defends public interest. So many people who watch him on television are always excited whenever they see him physically.

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The deadly AS/AS combination

  /   in Marriage and Family 5:03 am   /   Comments

*The fanfare of `a hole in the pocket’

Sometimes issues you have dealt with come up again, prompting a revisit. On February 8, 2014, on this column, I wrote about a mother who stopped her son from getting married to his fiancée because both of them carry the AS genotype which can lead to giving birth to children with sickle cell anaemia.

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Elections’ side attractions

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:58 am   /   Comments

Local representatives of the Nigeria Independent National Electoral Commision (INEC) collate figures from the general election in Port Harcourt, capital of Nigeria's southern oil-rich Rivers State, on March 29, 2015. Nigeria's closely fought general election went into a second day after failures in controversial new technology snarled the polling, including for President Goodluck Jonathan. AFP PHOTO

My interest in this year’s elections goes beyond casting my vote. I have been attending campaign rallies and town hall meetings. During this time, I take time to observe people, especially youngsters in the villages, as they mill around. I have noticed some very disturbing trends among youths in the villages.

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Perform your civic duty

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:36 am   /   Comments

jega

Today, Nigerians go to the polls to elect a president to run the affairs of this country for another four years, beginning from May 29, 2015. Although a handful of candidates are vying for the top seat, it is a straight contest between the incumbent, President Goodluck Jonathan of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), and General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd.) of the All Progressives Congress (APC).

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Is marriage a building?

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:17 am   /   Comments

*The fanfare of `a hole in the pocket’

By Francis Ewherido Erecting a building starts with planning, design, construction, financing and continues until the structure is ready for occupation. Thereafter, the building should be occupied and maintained. If not, it becomes dilapidated and may collapse over time. Normally, a marriage starts with courtship, agreement to get married, planning and the marriage ceremony. Thereafter,

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“My marriage has died”

  /   in Marriage and Family 9:40 am   /   Comments

Marriage-Cartoon

No suspense, I got the title of todayfs topic from a small story on Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, American entertainers and celebrity couple. Will was once married, but divorced three years later. But he and Jada have been married for 18 years, an eternity by Hollywood standard. Okay, not only Hollywood; 18 years is a long time to sleep and wake up every day seeing the same face; it is a long time to stick with only one lover.

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Revisiting Beijing

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:35 am   /   Comments

ladies

As we celebrate the International Women’s Day tomorrow, two incidents in the last two weeks gave me a wake-up call. First, I met a female politician who was denied her party’s ticket to the state House of Assembly because a veteran Politician, who is an octogenarian and a lead actor in the second republic, does not deem a woman fit to represent the constituency. According to the lady, the baba told her in clear terms that a woman cannot represent his constituency and that included his daughters.

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Anal Penetration

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:42 am   /   Comments

Sex

Like leprosy, it is gradually eating into marriages and desecrating the sacred institution of matrimony. Some spouses are not finding it funny and are grumbling about their spouses’ “fetish habits,” “strange pleasures,” “unusual habits” and “irresponsible desires.”

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Why I prefer early marriage

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:42 am   /   Comments

*The fanfare of `a hole in the pocket’

I believe it is the prerogative of every adult to decide when to marry and who to get married to. I also believe that, as people in a free society with freedom of speech, parents have a duty to offer their children advice. Whether the advice is taken or jettisoned is a different matter. It is in exercise of this freedom that I called my two eldest children some time ago.

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Aborted valentine coup

  /   in Marriage and Family 7:12 am   /   Comments

love femi

But if a pregnancy results from your Valentine’s Day activities—now I am talking to both couples and the unmarried who overstep their bounds—keep it; there are no unwanted pregnancies, only unplanned pregnancies.

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Marriage: a do-or-die affair?

  /   in Marriage and Family   /   Comments

romance

After a certain age, there is a concerted and deliberate pressure by society, especially in our part of the world, that an individual must get married. To be properly accepted or integrated in the society after a certain age, regardless of the mental, physical or psychological preparedness or condition, one must be coupled as a man or woman. For the woman especially, the biological clock is an important factor which must not be ignored as procreation is considered sacred.

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Changing times

  /   in Marriage and Family 12:20 am   /   Comments

Gay-Marriage

I always spend quality time with my octogenarian mother each time I travel home. I enjoy her company. I also made up my mind sometime ago that it is better to shower your love, time and resources on loved ones while they are alive so that if they die before you, all you will feel is that deep sense of loss, not regret over what you could have done that you did not do.

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Abuja residents list factors that can lead to failed marriage

  /   in Marriage and Family 1:47 pm   /   Comments

couple4

“marriage is like a flower; if it is not watered with intimacy and love, it will wither and die. “Intimacy is what keeps the flame burning in a marriage”—Marriage expert

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