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How to get that undue promotion

By Bunmi Sofola

LOTS have been said about the average female executive. Amongst other things that she has bottom-power…that she knows how to twist a man round her little fingers, that she discards stale boyfriends as callously and with as little a remorse as you would have squashing a menacing cockroach. And most of these criticisms are borne out of envy

because come to think of it, all women have a bottom—be it flat, rounded or proportionate, but very few women have that ability to use what they have to get what they want. Discard the illusion that the female executive should be slim and trim with features that draw hundreds of admiring glances in her wake because she is not that any  more. The fish the female executive wants to catch is not on the streets, it is there sitting pretty in the office and she’s done a lot of arithmetic about him. She has found out all the things that make him tick. She’s found out too that that aloof, almost unapproachable air he has about him is a front.

And she’s mathematically calculated the moves she has to make to smash the barrier. And don’t for a minute think that all the brain-work she’s doing is just for a five-minute tumble in the hay with a few thousand naira notes exchanging hands. Not on your nelly it isn’t. The price, the well-worth it price is that junior executive post that’s just been left vacant

but which she has not enough qualifications to merit.

So Miss Ambition sets to work. If anything her moves need a load of guts and she is to be admired on how she executes them. “Men think they are smart,” Rolly, one of the females in this modest class told me with a coy smile. “Who else would be in a position to offer a young

woman a good job but the average middle-aged man who thinks he’s passed it where winning favours of young girls are concerned? Imagine what boost it’ll be to his ego if a girl he thinks he could only admire from a distance pays him a lot of attention with promises of wild romps later if he plays ball! Of course, you don’t make your intentions known from

the start or you’d be tagged a grabber. Convince the old fool that he’s the most exciting thing that has ever happened to you. When he fondles you, don’t let the disgust show on your face, instead smile and tell him how you didn’t think his love-play could be so arousing. Don’t just kiss him either. Do a load of things other girls of his age would never do for him in the sexual department. And after his amateurish love-making, don’t ‘wait for him to make the first move next time you are in the bed-room. Grab at him as if you couldn’t wait for his wild love-making and when the act is on, don’t just lie there like a log. At one time in your life, a man must have excited you tremendously sexually, and you know how you behaved then. This is the time to use that excitement you once felt. Tell the old bag that is on top of you that he is the best—in short make him think he is Don Juan all over again. After the second session, tell him casually about that vacant young executive post. Let him know that although you don’t have the relevant paper qualifications, you’d been helping the clot who had the job last with all his assignments. And since you could do the job as well, if not better, doesn’t he think it would be sheer waste of time if someone whose ability is not a certainty ‘is brought in?’

‘That’s your first line. Don’t chew on it after you’ve let him know. Switch to talking about other things and see him a third time…and as several times as it takes you to realise you’ve had him in your clutch. Then put on the pressure pump about the job and it’s an 80 to 20 chances that you’ll get it. After the job is yours of course, you’ll know if whether or not it’ll be advisable for you to discard him. If he’s still your boss, you’ll

need him again. If he’s not, then it’s the next man in line, who’s now your new boss you’ll be aiming to please. As you make your next move, you make sure your old lover has no hold over your new boss or you’ll be in big trouble.

“Once in a while, you get in a muddle when two top officials in the office are at daggers’ drawn because of you. When this happens, your best bet is to start looking for another job—a simple case of you win some you lose some!


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