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This break-up has left me feeling lethargic

DearBunmi,

I broke up with my boyfriend early last year after a miserable period of the relationship virtually grinding to a halt.

In the past, after a break-up, I always bounced back, but this time, I can’t-I’ve started to resent my job.and my flat suddenly feels lonely. I’ve lost interest in finding a replacement, yet I know I have to claw my way out of this depressing pit. I’m 34 and have some good friends. How can I get my life back?

Saudat, by e-mail.

 

Dear Saudat,

I’m afraid you’re in the thick of grieving for a lost love, which is natural. According to experts, there are four official break-up stages. Stage one is denial: when you know the relationship is over but you don’t admit it.

Stage two is depression, as you realise it really is over. Stage three is anger, and

finally stage four is acceptance, when you can sincerely wish your ex well, and start dating again.

You’re at stage two. Just allow yourself to feel sad. You could spend your whole life running away from your grief; some people at this stage try to drown their sorrow with alcohol, too much Tv, drugs, alcoholism or even start another relationship to anaesthesise the pain.

See your friends, exercise every day, but also allow yourself to feel sad, mad and bad for a while. This is simply part of the process.

The experts say that it usually takes around half as long as a relationship lasted to truly let go of your grief. So make “This too shall pass” your mantra, and let the natural grieving process take its course.


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