By Aunty Julie
I’m not ready to get married, have a boyfriend or have a partner, but I get crushes on men. Usually they are temporary. I see them do or say something nasty or gross or they have habits I don’t like, like smoking or drinking. I then tell myself that they are not worth it, but I sometimes have a hard time forgetting them. I get stared at by men 30 or 40 years older than me and I don’t like it.
I’m not an outgoing sort of person. I have a job and try to be busy at all times. I’ve never been to parties or anything like that so I find it hard to talk to people. So, when I get a crush I usually tell myself that I can’t do anything other than forget it, because I’m scared about doing anything .
I often think I’ll do something stupid. If ever alone with a guy I I’ve liked or still like, I just get really embarrassed and clam up.
I’m 22 and I have a lot of life before me, and I want to do positive things in my life. If by any chance me and some nice chap get close, I want to stay with them for the rest of our lives. I know this isn’t really a question, but I want advice as to whether my ideas are good, and what I could do to be more relaxed around boys.
Having crushes is totally normal, even if you know the person isn’t quite right for you. Don’t pressure yourself to forget about your crushes because that will make even harder. And if you really like the guy you shouldn’t have to forget about it! You definitely do have a lot more options than to tell yourself you can’t do anything except forget about it.
You aren’t the only one who doesn’t know what to say when you’re around your crushes. Talking to guys (and girls) can be very scary and we often worry about what to say or how to act. The most important thing though is to just be yourself. Sometimes conversations can be awkward but that’s how we learn to get better at them.
And remember, if you are feeling nervous , your crush probably is too! Both guys and girls can get nervous when talking to the opposite sex. I think it’s great you want someone you really like and can be with forever. And you are right that you have years ahead of you before you need to worry too much about finding someone.
But what happens if this guy comes along and you are too scared to talk to him? The best thing you can do is practice talking to guys now and getting comfortable with it so when a great guy comes along, you can be relaxed and enjoy his company :
I’m not sure about my sexuality:
I think something is wrong with me and the way I feel about relationship issues. I feel disgusted about kissing because it’s slimy and not very appealing. I have had a few boyfriends and sexual experiences but never because of love but because it’s normal. I am yet to fall in love or even have a crush or enjoy anything sexual. I have tried the different gender but that did nothing for me either.
Also I get bored by relationships very quickly and would rather be alone than with somebody who is attracted to me. And I’m way too picky for my own good. I will dump someone who doesn’t seem smart enough or doesn’t understand my interests. I know this makes me sound like a horrible person and maybe I am but it’s just how it is. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’d appreciate some advice and help very much.
Indeed, nothing is wrong with you or with the way you feel. It’s really common, especially for teenagers, to want to do what’s “normal”. The problem is, there’s no such thing! There’s no right age for someone to fall in love. Also, some people have more sexual desires than others.
Try your best not to put pressure on yourself to have a boyfriend, or be sexual. It might sound corny, but when the right person comes along (guy or girl!) those sexual feelings will also develop. And quite simply, if you don’t want a relationship – don’t have one!
There’s certainly nothing wrong with that. Also, it can be a good thing to be “picky” and wanting to be with someone who shares your interests.
Some people want a boyfriend or girlfriend so badly they are willing to be with someone that isn’t suited to them. Unfortunately this can lead to some bad relationships. It sounds like you want to wait until you find someone that is smart and interesting. If you are still concerned it would be a good idea to talk to someone around you that you trust so much.
How do I get her attention?
Dear Aunty Julie,
There’s this girl in my neighbourhood and she’s popular. The guys in the neighbourhood talk about her as if she’s the best think in this world and I love her so much but I don’t think she likes me. I think she might like someone else. We have talked a bit but I feel like I need to talk to her more.
How do I get her attention and talk to her?
It can be hard to get a girl’s attention, especially if she’s getting attention from lots of other guys. Before you take things further, think about the reasons why you like her. Do you have similar interests? What qualities does she have that you like? Make sure you like her for the right reasons and not because other guys are talking about her.
If she wasn’t so popular would you still be interested? In relationships, it’s important to have things in common. Otherwise you may run out of things to talk about very quickly! If you’re still keen, get her attention by finding something you have in common and talk with her about it.
Girls (and guys) like to talk about things important to them, so talking about a hobby or interest is a good way to start. Plus girls really appreciate it when guys can have a good conversation and show interest in what they are saying. If you aren’t too sure about her interests, go with something simpler, like a a movie you saw recently.
It’s a good idea to talk to her more before deciding for sure if she likes you or not. If you find out she doesn’t, I hope you find someone else you like, who does like you. That’s the best kind of relationship to have.