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Re: Vibrator wife, husband must brace up

By Yetunde Arebi

Hi
On reading the first contribution you will find on this page, I could not help but send a reply to the writer. It captured some of the stories the couple shared with me which informed their decision not to discuss their problem with the church and which were impossible for me to publish earlier on. According to worried guy, he was afraid he would make a fool of himself like one of his friends and a church member. On the guys wedding night, he had suddenly discovered that he could not gain an erection,  tried as he could. Afraid that he had a serious problem on his hands, he had decided to call one of their senior pastors who decided that he needed prayers. The pastor then informed another pastor and together, they made their way to the newly-wed-couple at their honeymoon rendezvous (to bind and cast out the demon of impotency probably). By the next morning, the story was making the rounds among the members. Those who found it funny giggled while others praised their Christian virtues to the high heavens, albeit, to the great embarrassment and disappointment of the young couple. Were I in worried guy’s shoes, I definitely would not share this particular problem with any pastor too. One major concern for me from the little story was the fact that this guy, coming straight from the warm and loving embrace of his family on his wedding night, had no father, uncle, brother or cousin he could confide in, if indeed, he believed that he had an erectile problem? These are no doubt people that would have chipped in one thing or another to make his dream wedding come true on that day, showering him and his wife with love, money, support, goodwill and  prayers the way they knew best, unfortunately, not as pastors. Rather, he turned to a pastor and familiar stranger, probably believing that he had a spiritual problem and not a simple case of over excitement and anxiety. Even timidity cannot be totally ruled out giving the scenario here. I am always baffled at the way man seems to have perfected the art of using religion to alienate, segregate and discriminate, contrary to the teachings of love and brotherliness. When my older brother became a pastor, he decided to leave all behind, including the family name, Fashina, which he changed to the most obvious because it had become too paganish for his level of spiritualism at the time. We were only recently reunited after 20+ years and I need no pastor to tell me how happy he was to be back among his own. For me, the story of worried guy, or as many readers prefer to call it, vibrator wife, will remain a vibrant point of reference for many issues, especially relating to religion, sex, sex and sexuality education, and even parenting. I am still very open to comments, opinions and contributions on this and any other issue we’ve raised on this page. You may reach me via email address: yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk. Do have a wonderful weekend.

Yetunde,
I sympathise with the couple but it is very glaring that both of them are ready to work at their marriage and up till now no infidelity is involved. Let me note and caution the man first: he is very ripe and waiting for a Delilah and when that happens, the marriage is gone. If a Delilah handles him, he will forget his wife and his Christianity, born again or not.

The wife is not promiscuous, yet, but given time and circumstances, she too may fall. He is lucky it is a vibrator he found his wife with on the bed if it was a man what will he do? Mark it, I am approaching 60 years in age and I have heard a senior colleague remarked that a vibrator is the answer! Why? The vibrator is never tired!!!! You switch on and it does it’s work.

Solution: The man cannot give what he does not have but can improve on what he has to satisfy the wife. But for now, he has to compromise and use the vibrator for the wife after normal action.

This is between husband and wife. No man will tell you this but they do it or some use their fingers to do the rest of the job to make sure their wife reaches the climax! When the novelty of being caught in the act is taken out of it, she will grow tired of it like any toy and concentrate on the real thing, because candidly speaking, if you crave for real sex there is nothing that can compare with having a man taking you to the heavens or Jerusalem, and in no time your wife will be singing songs and dancing to imaginable music in the mornings and throughout the day, you will be seeing those looks in her eyes and I bet, she will be glowing and calling you sweet names!

The man should undertake doing some exercises with the wife maybe once a week during the weekend to enhance his prowess and boost his activity in bed. Please note, there is no room for blaming the devil or pointing accusing fingers for sinful acts in this, we are made differently and if your body is craving for something like good sex, the bible is the last thing on your mind.

Pray about it and find a lasting solution between both of you. Every couple has a secret or more between them that they will never share with an outsider no matter how close. The man is lucky that the woman is still begging him, if she stops begging him, he should know that the lady has found a real man doing the proper work on her instead of the vibrator.

The lady in this situation should focus more on how to have a baby to nurse instead of self satisfying. She should pray fervently about her wants and needs to God Almighty so that she can control herself when they arise. She is still lucky that some Delilah out there has not found her husband out, else they will handle him the way he has never been handled before and he will not only forget his home, his name also, because these men have a kind of lost look that are easily discovered by the Delilah’s of this world. Both of them have to work it out between them and find themselves out. If the man is still having nightmares about the vibrator let him handle it and use it on the wife as an instrument of joy.

If you report this to your pastor, he will condemn your wife’s action and take it up to satisfy your wife himself. Any of your friends hearing this from you, will be going to your house to do the needful while you sweat it out at work. Your pastor can condemn you and your wife till kingdom come but you cannot imagine what they do after service either with their wives or other people’s wives. Take all troubles to God and He will guide you to the appropriate solution.

The marriage is still young and fresh, please work at it and as you work at it God will strengthen you both but you have to be down to earth about issues. Jesus died for us all and if we are not sinners, we don’t need Jesus. In Jesus there is no holier than thou situation like the Pharisees and the Saduccees. Live your life and trust God every step of the way.
Anonymous. Lagos

Worried guy,
My brother you should count yourself lucky your wife is not sleeping around with some guys on your street or with one of her students. Be civilised, grow-up and accept the world that you live in because it happens everywhere. Technology has made it easy for a weak husband/man to help his spouse by allowing or even presenting a vibrator to her as birthday present, and for our women to keep faithful to their man by using a vibrator instead of going to sleep with other men for sexual satisfaction. Or would you have preferred she cheated on you with another man? Instead of worrying over an inanimate object why not work on your childlessness. You and your wife should meet a doctor and find out why you two can’t or haven’t been able to make children for three years since you got married.

Did she ever get pregnant for you during the days you guys dated? If not and up till now she has never, it’s an indication that something is wrong somewhere.

So, my guy think, think… And be mature, I beg…You are my age mate, though I’m not married, but at least, I know I’m a man because I have done some abortions before even though I’m not proud of it. Every person should know his/her childbearing status. Guy wise up I beg… You don’t give your wife time, you don’t give her sex the way she wants it. Even weekends, you are not  around.

What do you want her to do? Abi you think say body na firewood?

The same way you are married to you job and career is the same way she is married to her sex toy. So na 50-50, accept and live on abeg… And if you’re thinking of divorce, my brother you will never get a faithful woman like her o. I don talk too much abeg… A word they say is enough for the wise.
Forix

Hello my fellow Naija,
Am Equitex from  Joburg. What I can see in this case is a faithful woman trying to help herself. According to her husband, he is always busy with his work and does not have enough time for his wife. As a banker, he leaves very early in the morning and comes back late in the night, even on weekends, he still goes for his studies and comes back late too.

Let’s face the fact….after the long day at his banking job and returning by 10:30pm, tiredness would have set in. Then, he eats his food, takes a shower and gets into bed with his wife …what will he be able to do to satisfy his wife’s sexual urge? And this has been happening everyday for the past three years since they got married?

Brother! you need to adjust your time and programme so that you can have enough time with your wife. I promise you she will stop this her evil behaviour. She is doing it because she loves you. She does not want to tell you that  “she is not satisfied” after you must have had sex with her. So, she uses the vibrator to help you and herself. She does not want to do it with another man outside. If she is not doing it with another man outside and is only using the vibrator, ….brother, she is the best woman! You can just try and adjust your time so that you can have enough time with her. Women want men to spend good time with them. Play, laugh, take her out, go to the park, kiss, and most important make love to her, to her satisfaction.

According to her, she started using it while at Secondary school because she was under her parents’ care, so she could not be sleeping around. While at the university, she stopped it. Wakeup brother…Or will you be happy to see her getting sexual satisfaction from guys outside? Think and do what you can do to help your wife. Many people get married not only to have kids but to have someone who will always give them good sex anytime they have the urge. Over here, some white ladies sometimes stop their husbands from working maybe once in a week for them to have enough time together.  Do something brother! Don’t let her go looking for men in the street to satisfy her sexual urge. Solomon


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